Am I over the hill at 26?

[Regina]

If you're looking on dating websites, you're looking in the wrong place in my experience. I was on Tinder for over a year, and it would just be getting matched to guys who live 40 miles away, meeting up for a couple casual dates before realising they really weren't interested, rinse, repeat.

I think the problem is that you're actively looking for a relationship, and for some fucked up reason the world (and the gay scene in particular) hates that. I was looking for a relationship for ages, to the point where I came across desperate for one. The thing is, guys especially are terrified of commitment. They may like you, but the minute they sense you actually, yknow, want something called "commitment" from them they run a mile. That's the problem, you're probably walking into the situation making it clear you're in it for the long haul, and that's what's driving them away. I learned this the hard way myself. You don't just meet someone and call it a relationship after 3 dates, you have to go through the casual phase with them for a while until its clear you're right for eachother.

Also I say this in the nicest way I possibly can; get your shit together. If you're having any problems in life with work, employment, family issues, self-confidence, guys will sniff it out on you from the very first date. Baggage turns people off. It's not to say you need to have an amazing job and everything in your life perfect, but be confident in yourself and don't be an open book early on. If you're finding that guy after guy is turned off from you, it does say more about you than it does them (and I say that having been in your situation myself, so tough love). It's probably an indicator that, actually, you're not ready for a relationship. I've stopped looking for one now, I clearly need more time to work on myself before a relationship is going to work with someone. A relationship should compliment you, not complete you or fill a void in your life.

[robvalue]

You're certainly not over the hill I didn't meet my wife until I was 30, and she wouldn't have cared whether or not I was experienced. I would expect anyone worth your time isn't going to reject you for not being experienced.

I've been through a similar thing to you, I wanted to be on my own for ages, so that's what I did and I was happy. When you feel that way, there's nothing wrong with being on your own and in fact a relationship is bound to go wrong. I then started feeling I really wanted a relationship after all. I got a bit impatient, and came off as a bit too forward I think to some people I talked to online. It was only when I calmed down, become more settled in myself and took things slow with people that things started working out.

You have a long time ahead of you to spend with the right person, so really 4 weeks is nothing. It's worth taking your time and finding the right person. I have found dating online successful, it was how I met my wife. It won't work for everyone, but it can be really good if you approach people in a casual manner.

I hope you find the guy for you in the not too distant future

[Iroscato]

*Looks at thread title, blinks, looks again*
Over the hill...at 26?





iroscato.exe has stopped working. Please close or restart the program

[Clueless Morgan]

I've never had a romantic relationship before, aged 26. Now I'm worried no one will be interested in me because of my lack of experience both sexually and romantically. 

[snip]

Just wanted to get this out in words and vent really, but if anyone has any advice, experience or words of encouragement to share that would be very appreciated. 

Honestly, I'm 30 and not much more experienced than you with relationships.  I've been single for seven years, I could count the number of boyfriends I've had across my entire life (from age 13 to now) on one hand, and the only one that might have been approaching "serious" (or maybe just "worthwhile") was primarily long-distance, but I'm honestly not that concerned.  I wouldn't worry about it too much.  As robvalue said, when you meet the right person they won't care how much or how little experience you have.

*Looks at thread title, blinks, looks again*
Over the hill...at 26?





iroscato.exe has stopped working. Please close or restart the program

I know!  If 26 is "over the hill" than what does that make me?  lol

[Alex K]

I know!  If 26 is "over the hill" than what does that make me?  lol

At least still young compared to us

[Hobbitgirl]

The more you worry the longer it will be/feel. Just live your life and be happy. Things will come then. People are attracted to happy people.

[The Grand Nudger]

Throw in the towel Razzle, you're done, it's over.   The very next step you take will be the one which leads into your grave.  In the short distance between where you stand now and the end of that final step you'll be shitting your pants, having difficulty controlling the flow of your urine, remembering your name or even where you left your penis last!

I'll ring the bells, and we can scare up a few of the members here to carry the casket.  You might as well hop in, fluff that satin pillow, and get ready for a long nap.  

[Pyrrho]

Shit, I must get me eyes tested.  I thought you wrote: "The worst you might get is a few moments of awkwardness, but with a sense of humor that could become a catastrophe.

Well, it really depends on your partner. If you're dating a Klingon, humor may not be the best approach.

If you think you are dating a Klingon, you need to adjust your meds.

[KUSA]

I've never had a romantic relationship before, aged 26. Now I'm worried no one will be interested in me because of my lack of experience both sexually and romantically. I'm also gay so the pool I'm fishing in is smaller than most people's. The one thing in my favour is that I do look much younger than I am, in fact sometimes I'm still asked for ID, but a lot of people judge you by the number, not appearance, I guess because of fear you might wake up one day and look your age. I would also prefer someone younger or who looks younger (19 at the youngest), that's just the way I'm wired, and I'm not sure they'll be interested in me because I'll have less experience than most of them and I still live with my mum, don't drive and haven't got any savings or anything yet because of various unavoidable expenses - in other words I have none of the perks that usually come with dating someone older. 

Until now I'd been on dates now and then but always backed out of taking it any further. My mental health and academic/employment troubles have taken priority and I was only ever mildly curious about what a relationship would be like, I just occasionally thought I "ought" to date because it was something you're supposed to want to do as a human. I never felt like I was missing out on anything because the relationships around me looked a lot more hassle than they were worth and I know would want more space and time alone than most people seem to want. Now my career is settled and happy, and my mental health is pretty good most of the time, but with continued wobbles, medication and therapy that might put some people off. I've suddenly found my sex drive waking up a bit, now that my medication regime is stable and I'm not constantly anxious or depressed, and I'm sad about having wasted what should be the most fun and free years of my life, and impatient to stop wasting them as soon as possible.

I'm on OKCupid but it's very slow going. How long is it normal to be single and looking before you find someone when you're putting yourself out there at all the appropriate bars and dating sites? It's not been VERY long - three or four weeks - but I guess I'm impatient and so far everyone I like and who likes me is only casually meeting people for friendship and maybe more, or is only looking for polyamorous relationships, which I'd consider but I'd prefer to keep it simple for now. I have mild Aspergers Syndrome and keeping track of one, conventional romantic relationship will be novel and daunting enough.

Just wanted to get this out in words and vent really, but if anyone has any advice, experience or words of encouragement to share that would be very appreciated. 

I'm sure there are quite a few members here that would love to stretch your asshole out. Do a member hookup thread and make a road trip.

[Pyrrho]

Razzle, 26 is just about the most perfect age you could be. It is old enough that you are not a child anymore, but you are still young enough to have the benefits of youth.

As for a lack of experience, that isn't going to be a problem in most cases.  There may be an awkward moment or two (as already mentioned by Uncle K), but you should not let that worry you too much.  Most people will probably be flattered that they were the first person who interested you enough that you agree to have sex with them.

I recommend that you try to befriend people rather than look specifically for a long-term romantic relationship.  In my case, my wife and I became best friends before we ever became romantically involved.  (She is enough younger than me that just before we added romance to our relationship, I thought about whether or not she was too young.  Obviously, I decided that she was not; she was in her 20's, which I mention so that people will know I was not molesting a child.)  Our friendship has served as a great foundation for our relationship, and we have been happily married for over 20 years.

So, be sociable, and do not expect to form a lasting relationship with the first person you meet.  And try to meet people in real life.  You do that by doing things that you enjoy that involve other people.  You can join a club, or do meet-ups for hiking or whatever it is that you like doing.  It is good to meet someone while doing something you enjoy, so that you will start off with at least one thing in common.  But, you have to go out into the world to do this, and you need to be doing things that involve other people.  You are not likely to meet anyone at first, so do not get discouraged by that.  Just enjoy whatever the activity is (or activities are, if you try more than one thing, which is good if you have the time and interests), and that will likely make you more attractive to others.