Would you be flattered if a gay person said they fancied you?

[Cyberman]

I'd just be wondering what they'd been smoking to like me.

[Regina]

'he fancies me because he thinks I'm gay, or effeminate'

Lmao never, the Grindr gays are like "straight-acting, masc4masc, no fems". The beauty standard in the gay community is "as close to straight as you can get".

"Straight acting" kk honey, you stay putting on your little show.

[Longhorn]

My money's on female

So who's Sid Wilson?

as long as you like me for me, idc

dj in slipknot....and my biggest crush to this day
*more sighs*

[emjay]

The potential problem comes down to this. I think it's natural to feel flattered when someone gives you a compliment. But I got to wondering whether everybody does see it as a compliment. If you say you fancy someone, that's quite a general statement which the other can then ask 'what is it they find attractive about me?'. In the absence of further information people may jump to their own conclusions. And if they're homophobic and have notions about what a gay person finds attractive, then they may actually conclude 'he fancies me because he thinks I'm gay, or effeminate' or whatever and therefore take it as an insult. The problem with all of that basically coming from the statement being general whereas perhaps it wouldn't be a problem with more specific compliments like 'you've got a great six-pack' because that sort of compliment can't be misunderstood. It's just a theory and I wonder if there's any truth in it, hence the thread.

I think you are right to be concerned about how a homophobe may react.  My "flirting" experiment suggests that if the person is homophobic, they are not going to like it.  (Though if they are a closeted gay person, which is more than just a little bit possible, they might be conflicted and simultaneously like it.)

It's not so much about wanting to know how they'd react. I know that already. But rather just wanting to understand them. Part of the problem is that some homophobia may be due to having gay feelings but some of it may not be that at all.

[emjay]

I'd just be wondering what they'd been smoking to like me.

I'll tell you something. I used to feel like that. I had such low self-esteem that I couldn't understand or believe that anyone could ever fancy or love me. I can't explain how that feeling changed but just to say that as soon as I started thinking about it statistically so to speak, that there's someone out there for everyone and everyone fancies different types, it ceased to become such a big deal. Now I can say as a fact, or at least a probability, there are some people that fancy me and some that don't and that's just the way it is, for everyone

[emjay]

My money's on female  

So who's Sid Wilson?

as long as you like me for me, idc

dj in slipknot....and my biggest crush to this day
*more sighs*

I don't just like you for you, I love you for you

[Pyrrho]

I think you are right to be concerned about how a homophobe may react.  My "flirting" experiment suggests that if the person is homophobic, they are not going to like it.  (Though if they are a closeted gay person, which is more than just a little bit possible, they might be conflicted and simultaneously like it.)

It's not so much about wanting to know how they'd react. I know that already. But rather just wanting to understand them. Part of the problem is that some homophobia may be due to having gay feelings but some of it may not be that at all.

I can't help but think that the root of the problem is religious indoctrination.  Places where the major religion has a problem with homosexuality, the people react badly to it.  But in places where the religions do not have a problem with it (like ancient Greece), people don't seem to have a problem with it.  I don't know any exceptions to this.

Now, before someone tells me about how they gave up their religion or whatever, just because one gives up one's religion, that does not mean that one has extracted all of the beliefs and attitudes that they had because of their religion.  Also, a dominant religion impacts the society as a whole, so one may be influenced by a religion without ever having been a member.  I seem to recall reading somewhere that Jews who live in countries with lots of Christians are much more likely to make a bid deal out of Hanukkah than those who live in countries without a large Christian population.  The explanation I was told was that it was a reaction to Christmas, to have a celebration at about the same time as the society as a whole.  Otherwise, Hanukkah is not one of the more important Jewish holidays.

As for homophobic people being secretly gay, that makes a lot of sense because otherwise, why care about it?  It is what impacts you that you are most likely to care deeply about.  Also, I remember reading about a study in which men were asked about their attitudes toward homosexuality, and, generally speaking, the ones who were most homophobic seemed to be gay.  Their level of gayness was determined by putting sensors on their penises and showing them gay porn.  Homophobes tend to get erections from gay porn, whereas straight guys who are not homophobes don't.

[Longhorn]

as long as you like me for me, idc

dj in slipknot....and my biggest crush to this day
*more sighs*

I don't just like you for you, I love you for you

daaaawww shucks
*hug*

[Iroscato]

Being somewhat flexible in my sexuality (mostly straight, but if Chris Hemsworth doesn't stop soon that will shift) I'm always flattered when members of either sex hit on me - that is, when I realise they are. I'm quite like Steel in that respect, oblivious most of the time.

I expect even if I was straight as a ruler I'd still be flattered.

[emjay]

It's not so much about wanting to know how they'd react. I know that already. But rather just wanting to understand them. Part of the problem is that some homophobia may be due to having gay feelings but some of it may not be that at all.

I can't help but think that the root of the problem is religious indoctrination.  Places where the major religion has a problem with homosexuality, the people react badly to it.  But in places where the religions do not have a problem with it (like ancient Greece), people don't seem to have a problem with it.  I don't know any exceptions to this.

Now, before someone tells me about how they gave up their religion or whatever, just because one gives up one's religion, that does not mean that one has extracted all of the beliefs and attitudes that they had because of their religion.  Also, a dominant religion impacts the society as a whole, so one may be influenced by a religion without ever having been a member.  I seem to recall reading somewhere that Jews who live in countries with lots of Christians are much more likely to make a bid deal out of Hanukkah than those who live in countries without a large Christian population.  The explanation I was told was that it was a reaction to Christmas, to have a celebration at about the same time as the society as a whole.  Otherwise, Hanukkah is not one of the more important Jewish holidays.

As for homophobic people being secretly gay, that makes a lot of sense because otherwise, why care about it?  It is what impacts you that you are most likely to care deeply about.  Also, I remember reading about a study in which men were asked about their attitudes toward homosexuality, and, generally speaking, the ones who were most homophobic seemed to be gay.  Their level of gayness was determined by putting sensors on their penises and showing them gay porn.  Homophobes tend to get erections from gay porn, whereas straight guys who are not homophobes don't.

I don't know. Part of me thinks it could be to do with religious indoctrination but there is a problem with that: homosexuality is just one sin among many in the bible and in theory all sins are equal in god's eyes. So the fact that they tend to single that particular one out suggests to me that homophobia comes first and the Bible just acts as a means to 'rationalise' it. Basically it seems a chicken and egg situation but one which I think had to have some sort of catalyst outside of religion in order to take that one sin and magnify it so much.

That study you talk about is fascinating. Can't wait to tell some people