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Rule of Thumb
September 4, 2015 at 6:04 pm
In another thread, I mentioned a rule of thumb about Christian publications and atheism. That got me thinking about other such rules that I've either read or sussed out on me own over the years. Here's a few:
-If you don't want a cat to jump into your lap, don't make eye contact with it.
-If a wooden antique has a vinegar-y smell, it's likely a reproduction.
-If you wave at passing cars, almost exactly half of the drivers will wave back. The other half are self-centered pricks.
-Wait a full year before throwing out any article of clothing (if you haven't worn it in a year, you won't miss it).
-It is time to drop out of a poker game when you've lost 20X the maximum bet allowed.
-Geographically, most people will not buy something they can't pronounce.
-If someone tells you, 'It's not the money, it's the principle' - it's the money.
-In building something - anything - labour costs and materials costs are about equal (this is not true for repairing as opposed to building).
-If your feet are cold, put on a hat.
-The easiest was to quiet a drunk is to whisper to him.
Any others?
Boru
-
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 4, 2015 at 6:38 pm
If you have a headache, drink a glass of water.
If your spouse is a headache, drink.
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 4, 2015 at 6:50 pm
When playing poker, if you haven't identified the sucker in the first hour, its you.
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 4, 2015 at 6:55 pm
(September 4, 2015 at 6:50 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: When playing poker, if you haven't identified the sucker in the first hour, its you.
I played not long ago, and it took me forever to spot...
Oh, balls.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 5, 2015 at 2:59 am
If someone else didn't do it and you didn't do it, it didn't happen, you just imagined it did.
GC
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 5, 2015 at 3:40 am
(September 5, 2015 at 2:59 am)Godschild Wrote: If someone else didn't do it and you didn't do it, it didn't happen, you just imagined it did.
GC
There's you, and there's self-awareness, and it's, like, right there, and you're just brushing it with your fingers...you're so damn close. I'm rootin' for ya, buddy.
Let's see...rules of thumb...
DO NOT let goblins get ahold of your email address; they spam you constantly and can magically circumvent spam filters.
Crazy in the head might mean crazy in the bed, but it also means crazy in the HEAD. Never forget this.
Swords are not the proper weapons for taint strikes; what you want is an axe, especially if it has a nice hooked shape to the bottom corner of the edge.
Vampires make cold bedfellows (unless you microwave them first; alternatively, they can be placed in the freezer for a few minutes to achieve an extra cold-blooded experience and cut down on flailing).
Dragons are not to be fucked with.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never gotten your tip wet.
Guns are for pussies.
You are not a mage unless you know Fireball.
A witch's tit is not that all that cold, but if you hit that puppy with some good ice magic, that nip can carve the finest obsidian blade like sharpening a pencil.
Bridge trolls are not your friend.
Sheep go to Heaven; goats to to Hell.
The Christian god is a terrible listener and a boring, selfish lover.
Zeus's headaches are, like, literally a bitch.
Do not talk about Fight Club.
Do not talk about Fight Club.
That stain is never worth investigating.
Portuguese urine is said to have the strongest tooth-cleaning properties.
Werewolves will fuck your shit up.
Verbatim from the mouth of Jesus (retranslated from a retranslation of a copy of a copy):
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you too will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. How can you see your brother's head up his ass when your own vision is darkened by your head being even further up your ass? How can you say to your brother, 'Get your head out of your ass,' when all the time your head is up your own ass? You hypocrite! First take your head out of your own ass, and then you will see clearly who has his head up his ass and who doesn't." Matthew 7:1-5 (also Luke 6: 41-42)
Also, I has a website: www.RedbeardThePink.com
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 5, 2015 at 4:29 am
If you assume someone else is going to sort out a problem, it probably won't get done. Act, or communicate!
You know you're an atheist when you can't get through Genesis without laughing.
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 5, 2015 at 4:38 am
(This post was last modified: September 5, 2015 at 5:18 am by ignoramus.)
Hey Wizman, something's been driving me nuts lately.
Can you or anybody here ever remember seeing a medieval movie where the person/persons opening up the massive draw bridge or gate, actually do it following real world leverage physics? Just watched a Clive Owen "Knight" movie and a person half opened up a 10 ton iron gate with one turn of the wheel! Shit like that just wreck it for me!
(And don't even start me on the "sound" of the Photon Torpedos and Plasma Cannons in space!) hehe
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 5, 2015 at 8:21 am
Do not investigate sounds.
The PIN is not 1234.
Pancakes are lesser beings.
If they said it's based on a true story, they lied.
Don't listen to assholes.
Don't be a cunt.
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RE: Rule of Thumb
September 5, 2015 at 8:24 am
(This post was last modified: September 5, 2015 at 8:50 am by Alex K.)
(September 5, 2015 at 4:38 am)ignoramus Wrote: Hey Wizman, something's been driving me nuts lately.
Can you or anybody here ever remember seeing a medieval movie where the person/persons opening up the massive draw bridge or gate, actually do it following real world leverage physics? Just watched a Clive Owen "Knight" movie and a person half opened up a 10 ton iron gate with one turn of the wheel! Shit like that just wreck it for me!
(And don't even start me on the "sound" of the Photon Torpedos and Plasma Cannons in space!) hehe
The opening of the black gate in LOTR seems to be compatible with known Troll physics.
I always rationalized the torpedo and phaser sounds thusly - the firing creates a strong electromagnetic field which induces vibration in nearby ship hulls resulting in the perceived sound 
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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