So I kind of need to get some thoughts out there and I guess this is an okay place to put them. Emotional rant ahead so feel free to skip.
I moved out to Montana a little over a year ago and I've had a rather rough time emotionally. I have an anxiety disorder and it turns into some really intense depression episodes. I have a hard time making friends because of it and because I'm just an atypical person in general. I know it's pathetic for someone in their mid-twenties to complain about having no friends, but it's contributed to my anxiety and depression to the point I went on medical leave over the summer. My friends back home and my internet friends will talk to me but its not really the same as having someone in real life there for you.
A few of my colleagues are in a church group. It's a more progressive group I guess you could say and they invite me to their nonreligious gatherings often. They are really nice people but it's hard for me to really click with them because I don't have much in common. So whenever I go to their get togethers I always leave feeling so jealous. They are all just such good friends to each other and are actually concerned about each other. They call each other and keep up with each other's lives. I wish I could have even just one friend who would treat me like that. Hell, I haven't had a friend hug me since before I moved out here. I spend my free time at home alone and just drinking and watching movies. Some days I don't even speak to a single person and my pets are the only socializing I get. I've tried going out to make friends but it never works out. A few days ago I thought I made friends with a guy and we swapped numbers, but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm just trying to flirt with him.
I've always felt like a freak and I know my low self esteem is contributing to me not being able to make friends. I've tried therapy, pills, meditation, and all kinds of things. Nothing has worked and I'm afraid my loneliness is going to drive me to drop out of grad school. I'm in a depressed funk right now and I really wish someone would hug me.
I moved out to Montana a little over a year ago and I've had a rather rough time emotionally. I have an anxiety disorder and it turns into some really intense depression episodes. I have a hard time making friends because of it and because I'm just an atypical person in general. I know it's pathetic for someone in their mid-twenties to complain about having no friends, but it's contributed to my anxiety and depression to the point I went on medical leave over the summer. My friends back home and my internet friends will talk to me but its not really the same as having someone in real life there for you.
A few of my colleagues are in a church group. It's a more progressive group I guess you could say and they invite me to their nonreligious gatherings often. They are really nice people but it's hard for me to really click with them because I don't have much in common. So whenever I go to their get togethers I always leave feeling so jealous. They are all just such good friends to each other and are actually concerned about each other. They call each other and keep up with each other's lives. I wish I could have even just one friend who would treat me like that. Hell, I haven't had a friend hug me since before I moved out here. I spend my free time at home alone and just drinking and watching movies. Some days I don't even speak to a single person and my pets are the only socializing I get. I've tried going out to make friends but it never works out. A few days ago I thought I made friends with a guy and we swapped numbers, but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm just trying to flirt with him.
I've always felt like a freak and I know my low self esteem is contributing to me not being able to make friends. I've tried therapy, pills, meditation, and all kinds of things. Nothing has worked and I'm afraid my loneliness is going to drive me to drop out of grad school. I'm in a depressed funk right now and I really wish someone would hug me.
