Is there a solution to this problem?

[Ace Otana]

Not to be a downer, but if she's a good mother, she will tell you that her and the kid are a package deal. It can't be any other way. If you do start dating her, she won't expect you to support the child at first, but you have to be willing to do that eventually if she is to believe it can go anywhere... and if she doesn't care whether or not it goes anywhere... she probably isn't worth the effort to begin with. Same for you. If you can't see a time when you'd be interested in supporting the kid (at the very least), then don't start something with her that can only end badly for both of you.

Eye.
I fear of what the future might hold. I've got future plans that require alot of money. Be quite difficult to support both my future plans and raising another mans child.
I can't see myself supporting any child. Which is why I think this whole thing will implode.
Though I still plan to have a little convo with her.

---

See? Wasn't that easy?

You just want the dirty details don't you?

Depends on how far you are willing to go to do it...

That's the thing, I'm not willing to go anywhere with it. Don't want to be involved with all that.
Hence the problem I face.

[Violet]

You just want the dirty details don't you?

I always want "The dirty details" But really, i just like simple speech usually ^_<

That's the thing, I'm not willing to go anywhere with it. Don't want to be involved with all that.
Hence the problem I face.

If you aren't willing to go anywhere with it, then why is this a problem at all? Sounds to me like what you face is a small choice... not a problem

[Ace Otana]

I always want "The dirty details" But really, i just like simple speech usually

If you aren't willing to go anywhere with it, then why is this a problem at all? Sounds to me like what you face is a small choice... not a problem

Slighty bigger than a small choice, especially when love is involved but it looks to be heading only one way anyway.

Looks like I'm going to need another cuppa.

[Welsh cake]

Right now, from the information you've given us so far, the only person in the whole world who cares about that 2-year old child is the person you want a relationship with. But remember though, this is now a package deal, if you can't make a serious commitment for her daughter as a father-figure then any serious relationship with the mother is pretty much impractical at this point.

Heck, you may enjoy spending time with the toddler, even if she's not your own that is irrelevant right now. And best of all her mind hasn't been polluted by religious dogma either, what more/less could you ask for?

[Ace Otana]

Right now, from the information you've given us so far, the only person in the whole world who cares about that 2-year old child is the person you want a relationship with. But remember though, this is now a package deal, if you can't make a serious commitment for her daughter as a father-figure then any serious relationship with the mother is pretty much impractical at this point.

Heck, you may enjoy spending time with the toddler, even if she's not your own that is irrelevant right now. And best of all her mind hasn't been polluted by religious dogma either, what more/less could you ask for?

I can't make any serious commitments for the little one. Which is why I'm convinced any relationship with her cannot happen. If she hadn't gone off and had sex with that arse hole, things could have been differant. I blame myself for not grabbing her while I had the chance to though. I am ready to finaly let go, but I just need to make sure nothing else can be done and that she understands my position.

[Disinter]

I admit that I haven't read every page of this discussion, and I'm only 17, so my advice isn't much better than shit (most likely). I do have to say, Ace that you and I seem very similar in how our emotions work. Every time I am in a situation that provokes emotion, my emotions are very conflicting. Both sides are equal, in that they both "say" opposite things. From what I've learned, it's always best for me to cast aside these emotions completely. Using my objective intuition to present the possibilities, I can then use logical reasoning to choose the 'best' possibility. Of course this process is subject to mistake, as I do not have god's (if there was one) unparalleled logic (no one is right all of the time). However, it has been much more rewarding than the situations in which I followed through with my feelings (and especially when I used a combination of emotion and logic). My advice as someone looking into your situation from the outside: Forget about the relationship. I too dislike children. I've done community service, babysitting, all that shiz-nazz, and all it does is make me feel standoffish towards them. I can't provide that emotional support, and I freeze up every time they start crying or hugging me. It just seems like we have some common ground, and based on that common ground the likelihood of this potential relationship not working out is slim. I know that I didn't provide any unique expertise in this problem, but a better solution seems to revolve around you not jumping into a relationship.....no matter how strong of a bond you two possess. You have to also remember the part where she had a kid with some guy who doesn't give a shit. To me, that is very irresponsible. It is very easy not to get pregnant (especially if she likes it plopped on her face), so there are three apparent possibilities:
A) She let him get her pregnant, because she thought the man would be responsible enough. She foolishly trusted an untrustworthy man.
B) She was too hyped up about the sex that she forgot she can get pregnant given that she's ovulating (not smart).
C) She didn't/doesn't care.....

Also, you mentioned the drugs/smoking/drinking bit. I would advise you not to worry about this, unless she is overdoing it (well, smoking sucks ass anyway). If she's not being cautious about those things, this says something....Either she isn't all that smart (because she'll regret overuse in the future), or she's entered some sort of apathy (is this something you can deal with?).

Again. I know that my post isn't enlightening in the least, and it contains obvious observations....but at the same token I want to stress to you how important the future is on this one. Do you see yourself happy with her and her kid in the future given the information you do have (I mean the absolute, concrete data)?

This is just the way I see it of course.....Sorry that I sort of rambled.

[Ace Otana]

We think more alike than unalike, Disinter.

The fact that she can't keep her legs closed and that she'd trust a total arsehole. This concerns me.
Her smoking and the rumoured drinking and drug taking also worries me. It darkens the idea of a future together.

I trust my thoughts than my feelings. It's my thoughts that tells me to walk away and my feelings that tell me to go for her. Then again even my feelings tell me it can't happen. It's like I want to walk away but am still emotionly attached to her.

Love is blind. I have a picture of her on my photobucket account. Pretty but wise?
Turns out her ex (olly) is one horrble git. I wonder how she could fall for him.

[Paul the Human]

Turns out her ex (olly) is one horrble git. I wonder how she could fall for him.

Obviously it was the name Olly. Irresistible name if ever there was one.

[Ace Otana]

Turns out her ex (olly) is one horrble git. I wonder how she could fall for him.

Obviously it was the name Olly. Irresistible name if ever there was one.

Of course, tis was the name.

Him - "Hey I'm olly"

Her - "Wow! Get your stuff out!" *opens legs*


You know, I had to do some looking around to find this git she had sex with. I don't think she wanted me to know about him. She was more than happy to mention her daughter but I didn't comment at the time, I was a little suprised. I just changed subject, she probably knew that I didn't like what she just told me. I have deleted every message sent and received. She knew I was not happy. Later I hinted that I don't think anything can ever happen then she never came back online. Sometimes I feel like a fool for chasing after her.

She has beauty but....

Wanna see her?

[Scented Nectar]

You're not comfortable with the idea of living with someone you don't know very well, and who you don't have any activities/interests in common. Don't do it, is what I say. Especially if you are expected to support them. If you do move in, I would hope that you arrange a roommate style situation where you equally chip in on things like rent and food etc. If you support her, it's a HUGE commitment.

Also, I hate to be a downer, but if she had unprotected sex in the last few years, which she obviously did, then has she been tested for AIDS? Also, are her drugs hard ones, eg needle ones, eg AIDS again? If you are going to be having sex with her, you might want to know her status.

The whole thing has a bad feel to it. It's good diplomacy is a strong point of yours. Maybe you can stay friends in a manner that causes no hurt feelings. I would run a mile a minute. In my experience, a strong longing for someone does not in the least make up for any problems, other than make you put up with them longer, just dragging things out.

On the other hand, I could be completely wrong and a pessimist about these things.