Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Excited Penguin]

Jello, you're depressing me, man.

[Thumpalumpacus]

CIJS;
I really wonder if i will ever be good enough. I really feel like I'm so mildly average that nobody really takes notice of me.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

Live your life to interest yourself, and you will find those who share your interests. At the very least, you won't be bored, and done right, the loneliness will be addressed.

[GrandizerII]

CIJS;
I really wonder if i will ever be good enough. I really feel like I'm so mildly average that nobody really takes notice of me.

You know that's irrational thinking, right? Why presume you aren't already good enough? People shouldn't dictate that for you.

And good enough for what, by the way? To be perfect and flawless?

[Jesster]

CIJS my boyfriend's family is the greatest. I think I'll keep them.

[Excited Penguin]

Can someone just kick me in the face or something, so I can become myself again? I'm fucking done with being someone else.

/vent

CIJS,


Let's get something straight. If I hurt you so much, stay away from me. I'm bad for you, I agree. I'm an asshole. It's who I am. You knew this going in.

I want to be there for you, but not when I feel like I'm a sideshow or something. Yes, I'm selfish. Yes, I should be able to put you before my feelings and comfort, especially now. But I can't. I'm that immature and stupid. That's all true. It's all my fault. I'm a monster for this. I'll say that myself.

Why are you surprised? Or maybe you aren't.

There's nothing I can do to change that. So once again, either accept me for who I am or stay away. I want you back but I can't promise you I won't do this again. And again. I just can't. I'm fucked up. Which is why you should stay away from me. Everyone else does and they know me for the useless human being I am, why can't you? Take a page from everyone else's book. Everyone will be better off for it. Just think of yourself. I have nothing more to offer than I already have. This is all I am. And it's just not good enough, I guess. So walk away.

[Jello]

CIJS;
I really wonder if i will ever be good enough. I really feel like I'm so mildly average that nobody really takes notice of me.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

Live your life to interest yourself, and you will find those who share your interests. At the very least, you won't be bored, and done right, the loneliness will be addressed.

If i could. Unfortunately the rest of my family works, meaning i am stuck looking after the younger two kids, as otherwise we'd be breaking the law. I'm pretty much stuck at home when not at college, and that's not even considering that i can't fund doing anything because i can't get a job, and my parents hate giving me money.

CIJS;
I really wonder if i will ever be good enough. I really feel like I'm so mildly average that nobody really takes notice of me.

You know that's irrational thinking, right? Why presume you aren't already good enough? People shouldn't dictate that for you.

And good enough for what, by the way? To be perfect and flawless?

For people? To not be just overlooked all the time? I want to actually be noticed, to have people actually appreciate me, instead of ignoring me, it's all i run into offline.

[Excited Penguin]

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

Live your life to interest yourself, and you will find those who share your interests. At the very least, you won't be bored, and done right, the loneliness will be addressed.

If i could. Unfortunately the rest of my family works, meaning i am stuck looking after the younger two kids, as otherwise we'd be breaking the law. I'm pretty much stuck at home when not at college, and that's not even considering that i can't fund doing anything because i can't get a job, and my parents hate giving me money.
 

You know that's irrational thinking, right? Why presume you aren't already good enough? People shouldn't dictate that for you.

And good enough for what, by the way? To be perfect and flawless?

For people? To not be just overlooked all the time? I want to actually be noticed, to have people actually appreciate me, instead of ignoring me, it's all i run into offline.

My two cents, if I may -

Have you tried making friends and failed at it? I'm sure there are lots of people who would be interested in making friends with you if you showed interest in them and what they are doing. It may take hard work at first, but it's worth it. It doesn't always happen on its own.

[Joods]

I'm so sorry you're going through that, Jello.
I get that your parents need you to watch your younger siblings, but if they aren't willing to pay you to babysit, then perhaps it's time you told them that they need to. Being in college, you're an adult. You didn't bring your siblings into the world, so technically, they aren't your responsibility and you wouldn't be the one breaking any laws. Just because you're older doesn't mean your parents should get free day care while you're not at college. This would be especially true if you got student loans and your parents are not paying for college.

I don't know the situation, or how successful you'd be if you stood up to them, but they need to understand that you're allowed to have a life too. How do they expect you to survive and be independent in the world if you can't get a job to save up the money to get out from under them?

I really feel for your situation.

[Joods]

CIJS -

The frustration of some things in my life is running deeper than it needs to be. I find myself ignoring many things and getting bewildered at the thought that certain things are allowed to continue happening. It's madness, really, how some people are allowed to get away with the things they do, while authority just turns a blind eye.

Going to try sending out communications to a judicial figure one more time in the hopes that I will be reunited with my oldest. I cannot keep going on like this, knowing she's just up the road from me, yet I am not allowed to have contact, says the adult she resides with. No reasons were ever given. It was simply a dick move on his part to do this. To make matters worse, his gf posted on facebook that she wished MY children were hers. Then my pathetic excuse for a mother, commented to the gf, that in her house she IS their mother, implying that the gf is really the mother of my children.

How sick these people are to think that I don't exist or that I don't deserve to be in my kids' lives.

[Jello]

If i could. Unfortunately the rest of my family works, meaning i am stuck looking after the younger two kids, as otherwise we'd be breaking the law. I'm pretty much stuck at home when not at college, and that's not even considering that i can't fund doing anything because i can't get a job, and my parents hate giving me money.
 
For people? To not be just overlooked all the time? I want to actually be noticed, to have people actually appreciate me, instead of ignoring me, it's all i run into offline.

My two cents, if I may -

Have you tried making friends and failed at it? I'm sure there are lots of people who would be interested in making friends with you if you showed interest in them and what they are doing. It may take hard work at first, but it's worth it. It doesn't always happen on its own.

I have tried. I guess i do have friends but at the same time, i live in the middle of nowhere, meaning that when i am not in college i have little to no contact with them. 

I'm so sorry you're going through that, Jello.
I get that your parents need you to watch your younger siblings, but if they aren't willing to pay you to babysit, then perhaps it's time you told them that they need to. Being in college, you're an adult. You didn't bring your siblings into the world, so technically, they aren't your responsibility and you wouldn't be the one breaking any laws. Just because you're older doesn't mean your parents should get free day care while you're not at college. This would be especially true if you got student loans and your parents are not paying for college.

I don't know the situation, or how successful you'd be if you stood up to them, but they need to understand that you're allowed to have a life too. How do they expect you to survive and be independent in the world if you can't get a job to save up the money to get out from under them?

I really feel for your situation.

It would be very unlikely to be successful. I don't pay for college, uni is where we have to pay. (I know they're the same thing there). I appreciate the thoughts from both of you though