Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Expired]

Just to change the subject slightly... I'm off to bed before the Mrs gets in with her friend. I hope I wake up in the correct bed. Ffs alcohol.

[Thumpalumpacus]

CIJS -- you crack me up, Boo. Call me up on my birthday, we talk almost an hour, and you don't mention it all! Was that on purpose, or did you forget my birthday and simply get lucky?

Whichever it is, I was thrilled to talk to you today. I love you so much, son!

[Edwardo Piet]

Happy Birthday Thump!!!!

[Edwardo Piet]

CIJS I hope Thump is having an amazing birthday.

And, for completely unrelated reasons, although I am indeed very glad it's his birthday and hope he is having an awesome one: I'm happy as fuck again I don't feel shitty about myself anymore all thanks to awesome friendship!

P.S. MY EMOTIONS ARE INTENSE.

P.P.S. I wish they weren't so transient, fleeting or IOW shallow, though (my emotions that is). ETA: Or do I? I do like how they change so quickly. I dunno. Fuck it I love the way I am even if it does make me highly understood. Pointless not loving the way I am. No use fighting against myself and loving myself makes me happier than merely neutrally accepting myself. As long as my self-love is not arrogant. Which it's not. I don't feel remotely superior, all the people I care about I regard more highly than myself... it's like "Yes I'm awesome, I must be to be deemed worthy of being a friend by such an awesome person as yourself. But you're more awesome than me and so are my other close friends whether they're mutual friends or not."

P.P.P.S. I'm so glad that it isn't only narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths who have shallow affect if I do indeed have it. I do wonder sometimes if I have shallow affect. Like intense feelings but extremely fleeting ones. Would make a lot of sense. It would explain why in the past I have been 100% honest and genuine as fuck about my emotions but been wrongly accused of "playacting" which really hurt me because I'm being fully honest and genuine about all my emotions... but supposedly people with shallow affect are wrongly misunderstood as playacting because it seems that way to normal folks with deep affect.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Thanks, Hams!

[Edwardo Piet]

You're extremely welcome. I hope you're having a good day. How's your birthday been so far?

I'm not gonna ask how old that's up to you to disclose it but your mind is indeed very youthful!

But you're wise.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Oh, I turned 50 today. It's no big for me, I'm not self-conscious about my age.

So far, it's pretty much just another day ... usual ten-hour shift at work, really. My mom stopped in and my son called, i'm happy enough for that.

[Longhorn]

CIJS, I had a really good time last night. It means a lot to me. Maybe I don't have to avoid you like fire after all. I'm actually glad I went with you and not my friends. We could hang out like this more often. At least until you try manipulation again.

[Excited Penguin]

Thanks to all the good friends here, who support me and love me for who I am.  I couldn't have asked for a better community, really.

Thanks to the people close to me for their unconditional and unwavering loyalty in the face of adversity, as well.

[Excited Penguin]

You're OK with how things are, I am not. That's all, really. It's not my place to judge you. But I can't accept it either. I'm sorry. I just can't. So this was simply not meant to happen. I shouldn't have done what I did. That was such an unbelievable slight on my part, that I can barely forgive myself for my moment of weakness. No, instead I should've accepted our difference of opinion and walked away. I owe you the equanimity necessary to act appropriately. I should have never treated you like I took you for granted.  I will have learned my lessons, at least. This is helpful. If made me a better person, I think. It helped me grow up a little.

I understand your reasons perfectly, I do. Maybe one day things will change. Maybe I'll be good enough. Not today, though. And that's okay.