The Peacemaking Thread

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

Hello everyone.  I'm curious how others constructively resolve conflict or bring peace to situations in their own way. There are so many ways to effectively handle different conflicts; ways which I probably would not have thought of.  Hence, the purpose of this thread is for AF members to share and post any and all peacemaking/conflict resolution techniques, ideas, books, communication skills (etc).  Perhaps pooling our collective peacemaking knowledge could help AF members (myself included of course) and anyone else engage conflict more constructively. 

Thanks and live long and prosper AF members and anyone else.

[abaris]

The way to peacemaking is compromise. As banal as that may sound. There's really nothing else to say about it. Everyone has to give some to gain some.

[Edwardo Piet]

I always tried to promote a positive attitude and show compassion to everyone and try to relate to everyone and bring people together and maybe one day I can do that again but at this point I just give up and I've stopped trying. I'm out of positivity. So at this point I'm being peaceful by giving up on trying to do anything that could go wrong.

I hope I can be a little more ambitious again sometime, but not soon I hope. Best I just expend less energy at this point.

I guess my strategy right now is: neutrality is peace.

[paulpablo]

In my experience of keeping peace, at least in a workplace, is to always do small talk as much as possible.

You can probably view the work place as sort of a microcosm of larger environments.

There's an expression that's something like if goods aren't traded between countries then bullets and missiles will be.

I've found that to be the case a lot of times in the work place.
Personally I've noticed if you don't talk to people in work you're much more likely to be bitched about and bullied.
For some reason it's difficult to just remain silent for people to be neutral about you.
I've had it happen to me before and I've seen it happen to other people where there's a new person, they're quiet, and people just invent reasons to hate this new guy.
He's quiet so he probably thinks he's too good to talk to us, he's weird, really arrogant.

Maybe it's some form of autism in me or I'm a bit anti social naturally but it took me a long time to figure out the pattern of, if I come up with bullshit convos to talk about with people at the start of the day, by the end of the day these stupid aggressive, chav people I work with tend to not give me random shit or bitch about me behind my back.

There's some people it won't work on, some people just want friction, or they love bullying and they've decided you're a good victim.
Or there were some cases with me where I refused to make small talk with some people because I found their personalities were just too disgusting.

I know some people think it's mind numbing and soul destroying to come up with small talk but I think it can be a pretty fun challenge really, trying to read people and figure out what makes them tick. Beyond the usual boring crap like football or alcohol, or just moaning about how fucked the country/world/everything supposedly is.

[mcolafson]

Hello everyone.  I'm curious how others constructively resolve conflict or bring peace to situations in their own way. There are so many ways to effectively handle different conflicts; ways which I probably would not have thought of.  Hence, the purpose of this thread is for AF members to share and post any and all peacemaking/conflict resolution techniques, ideas, books, communication skills (etc).  Perhaps pooling our collective peacemaking knowledge could help AF members (myself included of course) and anyone else engage conflict more constructively. 

Thanks and live long and prosper AF members and anyone else.

Carry a peacemaking  tool.

One of these for example:

http://gunsmagazine.com/colt-45-peacemaker/

[emjay]

Yeah, it's funny that paulpablo... the less communication there is, the more people can misread you or have delusions about you. It's like in a Mafia game... if you lurk - read or kudos but don't post - people can create all sorts of hypotheses about you and have little or nothing to contradict their confirmation bias. So communication keeps things real and on the level whereas lack of communication lets people retreat into their imagination and see what they want or expect to see.

[Athene]

A piece of ass can restore peace to a relationship for three to six minutes.

Longer, if it puts one or both parties to sleep.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Listening, compromise, flexibility, and forgiveness.

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

The way to peacemaking is compromise. As banal as that may sound. There's really nothing else to say about it. Everyone has to give some to gain some.

Agreed.  Many mediators, negotiators, and conflict resolution experts will agree with you on this point.  However, what specific behaviors and tools do you exhibit which allows you to reach compromise? In other words, I'm more interested in your path toward compromise and peace.

As an example, when I'm in conflict with others, I have found that negative emotions can be quite helpful: rather than letting them own me, I can use them to pinpoint core values of mine that are being undermined.  Thus, accepting the validity of negative emotions and acknowledging the underlying interests they are trying to protect, increases the likelihood of me being more productive when  I'm in conflict with others.

In my experience of keeping peace, at least in a workplace, is to always do small talk as much as possible.


He's quiet so he probably thinks he's too good to talk to us, he's weird, really arrogant.

Maybe it's some form of autism in me or I'm a bit anti social naturally but it took me a long time to figure out the pattern of, if I come up with bullshit convos to talk about with people at the start of the day, by the end of the day these stupid aggressive, chav people I work with tend to not give me random shit or bitch about me behind my back.

I can definitely relate to this.  I'm very introverted and very reserved and have had this type of criticism directed towards me.  I think your advice is very good and sound.  However, I have found that one must be genuine in their small talk.  For example, if people perceive my small talk as me trying to improve my self-image, then they will just resist my efforts and assume I'm an arrogant, condescending jerk.  Hence, I will engage others in small talk only if I can be sincere about it; otherwise, I'll just stick to being polite, gentlemanly, and professional.  
 

Listening, compromise, flexibility, and forgiveness.

Agreed and well-said.  I have found success in doing more listening than talking.  Oftentimes, by listening to others, I realize that I was mistaken about a particular issue, and this allows me to intelligently engage them in constructive conversation, rather than jumping into the conversation with an incomplete understanding of their position and upsetting them as a result.

[The Valkyrie]