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Quitting church
#1
Quitting church
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum, and I usually don't do this sort of thing, but I really just needed to write some things down and clear my mind. I'm warning you, this is probably going to be a long and boring post Wink

The thing is this: 
For the last few days, I've felt like someone was twisting my stomach and every time I think about what I'm going to do, I feel my heartbeat quicken and my mouth go dry.
So what am I going to do? I am going to tell my parents that I'm quitting church.

So just for some background: I grew up in a very religious christian family. Everyone in this community attends church twice every sunday and if you don't people will notice it. Everyone prays for every meal and there are a thousand, more subtle (and sometimes bizare) rules that I've been keeping for most of my life. When I was 13 or 14 years old, I came to the conclusion that I didn't believe any of what the church said. After that it took me more than a year to gather enough courage to tell my parents. After that happened, it didn't mean I had the freedom to make my own choices: my parents still expected me to follow their rules and to attend church like before. I actually don't think my parents believed me at first. 
Right now I'm 17 and I recently moved out, because I'm going to university. But, still, every weekend I go back to my family and on sundays, I go to church. That's been going on for some months now, and to be completely honest, I'm sick of it.
Don't get me wrong - I love my family - but I feel oppressed and I think my parents should have given a choice: now I either need to hurt them or I keep doing something I really don't want to do.

So why haven't I quit church yet? Why am I so ridiculously nervous for this? I know my parents would never disown me or anything - there won't be much consequences to quitting church.

I have come to this conclusion: for me, it's not just about not wanting to hurt my family. It's far more that my entire life, people have told me that it's wrong to make my own choices, especially if my parents don't agree. I always hid the 'wrong' things I did ('wrong' books, movies, clothes etc.). But I can't hide quitting church. The only way I'm going to do this is just telling them and not giving in.

I'm just scared to death.

But this isn't just about me being nervous. If anyone who reads this is in a similar position: you don't need to do things, just because you've always been taught that you need to. Sometimes you need to make some freedom for yourself. That sounds easier than it is, I know. 
But I've made up my mind and gathered my courage. All I need to do is take a (very) deep breath and make a leap - sometimes a big leap is the only option. Just hoping for the best.

[Name redacted]
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#2
RE: Quitting church
Congratulations, and nice to have you here - I was around 13-14 as well when I finally decided that religion with personal gods is hokum. I didn't have the religious family you have, so that insight was largely inconsequential for anything...
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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#3
RE: Quitting church
Erica,

I was in your exact situation, and the outcome was a lot better than even I thought it would be.

My advice (I know you didn't ask for any but I'm feeling frisky):
1) Stay on your side of the street---no "you did this" or "I wish you had given me the choice."
2) Tell them this has been a long time coming, but you didn't want to hurt them
3) Be prepared for a lot of fun covert evangelizing!


Good luck!
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great

PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
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#4
RE: Quitting church
You're a gutsy young lady, Erica.

Save this link

http://www.usislam.org/pdf/Jesus-interru...ehrman.pdf

and read this book.  It will help you by exposing the sham.
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#5
RE: Quitting church
(December 11, 2016 at 3:10 pm)Alex K Wrote: I didn't have the religious family you have, so that insight was largely inconsequential for anything...
Same here. It still staggers me a bit when I see this happening among (assuming Erica is Western, sorry if I'm wrong) apparently Western people. I grew up "religious" but nothing on the scale of what some people do, we were always relatively moderate. I guess we're privileged

Hardline Christianity seems more common in America from what I hear though, especially in the fringe areas.

Anyways good luck Erica! Welcome to the dark side Demon
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the road, and then getting hit by an airplane"  - sarcasm_only

"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable."
- Maryam Namazie

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#6
RE: Quitting church
Wishing you luck Erica, but it sounds like you've got this. Tell us how it went!
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#7
RE: Quitting church
Welcome to the forum!
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#8
RE: Quitting church
ericavdmaas Wrote:I'm warning you, this is probably going to be a long and boring post [Image: wink.gif]

I thought your post was very interesting.  I hope things work out for you.

With that said, welcome to AF, ericavdmaas.  Live long and prosper.











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#9
RE: Quitting church
Welcome and good luck.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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#10
RE: Quitting church
Thanks everyone!!


(December 11, 2016 at 3:29 pm)Vic Wrote: Wishing you luck Erica, but it sounds like you've got this. Tell us how it went!


I actually did it!! The conversation wasn't exactly fun of course and my parents were sad, but it could have been a lot worse Smile
It feels really good to finally be done with this!

(December 11, 2016 at 3:13 pm)SteelCurtain Wrote: My advice (I know you didn't ask for any but I'm feeling frisky):
1) Stay on your side of the street---no "you did this" or "I wish you had given me the choice."
2) Tell them this has been a long time coming, but you didn't want to hurt them
3) Be prepared for a lot of fun covert evangelizing!

Your advice is very welcome! 
1) I try to do this, but in my experience it's hard to not make it sound like an accusation
2) I tried to to this as well and I don't think they're taking it personally, so that's good Big Grin
3) Yeah I'll definitely prepare for that, but I think I can handle that after this  FSM Grin

(December 11, 2016 at 3:20 pm)Minimalist Wrote: http://www.usislam.org/pdf/Jesus-interru...ehrman.pdf

and read this book.  It will help you by exposing the sham.

Looks really interesting! When I find the time I'll definitely read this.


And yes, I'm western. Actually, I'm from the Netherlands, which is mostly a secular country. That does make it easier when I'm not with my family. 
The church that my family attends (not me since this week!) is a really really strict church; even in America this would be on the extreme side.
So yeah, I'm really glad to have made this leap  Smile Smile Smile
And thanks again everyone!
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