Months ago, I posted an introduction and another topic speaking about my experience as a member of a Muslim society in a Muslim country. It's my pleasure again to come back to your forums and talk about some major updates. Quite interesting, for a long period I felt exhausted securing my way out of this nation to a safe zone where I can sleep knowing no one will chase me based on what I believe. In this post, I'll be talking about my failure to liberate myself from this Muslim nation, the implications of this failure, the reasons why I failed and so on. This post is really intended to become a lesson for those who equally suffer from persecution by their families, communities, countries or whatever merely because they left Islam. I hate to use the term ex-Muslim as ex-Muslims were never Muslims in the first place, but rather Islam was pre-wired into their intellectual identity from childhood. So, let's unwrap it here and see what had happened.
My life was never granted to me as any human out there after I showed disagreement with Islam. Since I live in a Muslim country, most people are Muslims and go back to my previous posts to understand my situation fully. My struggle to liberate myself from persecution was never easy. It's still continuous and to the close observer seems infinite, but I hope it's not. This year though, I thought it would be my final year in terms of this suffering. I was ready to travel and go out from this hell. To any reader, you may think it's easy to write about your pains, from my experience it is not. My failure this time to liberate myself was mainly due emotional reasons, emotions can victimize!
On # I was packing my bag and preparing myself to travel outside this radical Muslim nation. At first, my plan was to keep things confidential and not to talk about my trip at all especially to family members. Though, I was pressured by the preparation process because since the age of 14 I always dreamed to become free and speak my mind without being beat, humiliated or threatened. My family follows the Iranian sort of Islam, flavored with political lies and radicalism. However, unexpectedly I shouted out of control saying: "I'm travelling." I didn't know how that came out of my mouth especially at a place where I suffered for a long time. The consequence of me informing this family about my trip resulted in my passport being confiscated by unfortunately my father. My passport as all of you know is a governmental property giving to an authorized bearer, in this case me. However, on this land you don't get to speak about laws as there's no law to protect an apostate like me. Especially given one basic fact that my dad knew about my plan to claim asylum to end this unbearable suffering. Sad to say, I'm now left without passport and the consequence of what they did to me I was forced to cancel my flight. Some of you may ask, why don't you try to issue another passport. Issuing a new passport is complex, it's not easy to simply claim you lost your passport without solid evidence. That's not to mention the humility of going through this process in such Muslim country. However, man must live free or die for freedom.
The lessons to be learned, emotions are destructive and counterproductive and the psychology of humans is so fragile that we often fail because of it and nothing else.
My life was never granted to me as any human out there after I showed disagreement with Islam. Since I live in a Muslim country, most people are Muslims and go back to my previous posts to understand my situation fully. My struggle to liberate myself from persecution was never easy. It's still continuous and to the close observer seems infinite, but I hope it's not. This year though, I thought it would be my final year in terms of this suffering. I was ready to travel and go out from this hell. To any reader, you may think it's easy to write about your pains, from my experience it is not. My failure this time to liberate myself was mainly due emotional reasons, emotions can victimize!
On # I was packing my bag and preparing myself to travel outside this radical Muslim nation. At first, my plan was to keep things confidential and not to talk about my trip at all especially to family members. Though, I was pressured by the preparation process because since the age of 14 I always dreamed to become free and speak my mind without being beat, humiliated or threatened. My family follows the Iranian sort of Islam, flavored with political lies and radicalism. However, unexpectedly I shouted out of control saying: "I'm travelling." I didn't know how that came out of my mouth especially at a place where I suffered for a long time. The consequence of me informing this family about my trip resulted in my passport being confiscated by unfortunately my father. My passport as all of you know is a governmental property giving to an authorized bearer, in this case me. However, on this land you don't get to speak about laws as there's no law to protect an apostate like me. Especially given one basic fact that my dad knew about my plan to claim asylum to end this unbearable suffering. Sad to say, I'm now left without passport and the consequence of what they did to me I was forced to cancel my flight. Some of you may ask, why don't you try to issue another passport. Issuing a new passport is complex, it's not easy to simply claim you lost your passport without solid evidence. That's not to mention the humility of going through this process in such Muslim country. However, man must live free or die for freedom.
The night where my passport was taken, I was called Satanist, infidel, slave, and the common abusive words that we all hear coming out from Muslims. I asked for my passport repeatedly and I still feel the humility of being without a passport even though my trip was paid for by my own money. Who got the right to stop me from travelling and I’ve done nothing wrong? In such country, I thirst for the taste of becoming free more than anything else. My emotions were so mixed up and I felt destroyed when I planned to travel and after I failed there I got my destruction straight into my face. It’s a so profound pain when you cannot enjoy your life because you’re bound to your limited body and your mind is bound to limitless spaces. Sometimes I wish to become nothingness, probably this is the only solution to this draconian world. I hate being humiliated as much as I hate being alive among Muslims. If I die for instance, death would be softer than life in this situation. I’m not suicidal in any form, I was before.
I can't imagine what you're going through. It is so unfair that you are being crushed just for using your brain, and that not even your family shows you any respect.
