Advice on a personal matter

[Minimalist]

I'm turning thirty soon and I'm really bothered by fact I'm not as young as I once was.

Ha, I'm approaching 70 and still feel that way.  Worry less about "how to live" and just do it.

[Sterben]

        I was a normal person by standard means, had friends and attended social events and group based hobbies. The money issue started, among other things which I will not recall by any means, stuff I've been suppressing for years. Before anyone asks, I will not disclose or talk about them. If I was given the choice, I would take a pill to delete those files from my brain. After all that, I grew more and more anti-social.
hiding from the real world and filling my time with other projects I could do alone. I've become so addicted to form of anonymous commutations, that I can't connect properly to another human being. Has far as the talking to woman I've given up on that entirely.

          Those skills never developed properly, at twenty-nite I've never made it past a second date. The damage is done and can not be repaired.

Not wanting to discuss those incidents is part of the problem. I can understand not wanting to discuss it in public, but by keeping those memories bottled up within yourself you are keeping yourself chained to those. One thing I have learned in life is no matter how much worse the situation gets for me, there's always other people who are much worse off. You think you have been betrayed, but if you look around there's bound to be people who've been hurt even worse. When you talk to people, share your thoughts and feelings, and realize there are indeed others in similar situation to yours, you'll find the strength to move past that grief.

And also stop being such a pessimist, there are many women who prefer "men" over boys, and right now you are still at the "boy" stage, the true serious dating is about to begin for you, and you being able to start fresh without the baggage of past "dating experience" is actually a good thing.

              I know people are much worse off then I am, we all have our personal demons we must face. Today and the near future is not going to be a time I will face them. As far as woman is concerned, were I live is a city of mostly broken people. A lot of single moms, I don't mean to offend any single moms here, but a lot of single moms have given you a bad reputation. I will not be your personal ATM to help support your child, not will be your babysitter and do favors you cause you have to watch little Tommy. That is the job of the child's father! Why should his responsibility transfer to me?

           I've know to many people who have terrible experiences from dating a single mom. At my age single moms make up a large percentage of the dating pool. I would not really put myself in the "Men" category. If I was to put in one it would the "Old man" category. I already have the personality of one, so I might as well embrace it.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Then don't date mothers. Look for childless women. You could embrace that, too.

You're not going to like what you're about to read, but hey, you asked. Sometimes finding love means accepting difficulties such as children, distance, vengeful exes, and so on. Now, if you're in it for love, you'll find a way to deal with the other crap -- but if you're into it for convenience, sign out of the dating scene, and learn to be happy inside yourself.

And if you simply want to date and perhaps grab a piece of trim here or there, understand that sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

I'm writing this as a father who always told any gal when the dating started going deeper, "I'm a package deal." You will probably not ever find a mother who will put you first before her child (unless said child is grown-up and moved out, and even then good luck) -- and if I'm reading you right, you're a little too old for Hey Nineteen.

So get over it. Make your peace with the complications older relationships involve, or roll up the doormat and take down the "Welcome" sign.

[Whateverist]

Meh, it's all pointless bullshit. We're all going to die anyway.

Why so inactive?

[Sterben]

Then don't date mothers. Look for childless women. You could embrace that, too.

You're not going to like what you're about to read, but hey, you asked. Sometimes finding love means accepting difficulties such as children, distance, vengeful exes, and so on. Now, if you're in it for love, you'll find a way to deal with the other crap -- but if you're into it for convenience, sign out of the dating scene, and learn to be happy inside yourself.

And if you simply want to date and perhaps grab a piece of trim here or there, understand that sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

I'm writing this as a father who always told any gal when the dating started going deeper, "I'm a package deal." You will probably not ever find a mother who will put you first before her child (unless said child is grown-up and moved out, and even then good luck) -- and if I'm reading you right, you're a little too old for Hey Nineteen.

So get over it. Make your peace with the complications older relationships involve, or roll up the doormat and take down the "Welcome" sign.

        I am too old for a nineteen year old, there would hardly be anything in common. Love is a funny word not to be taken lightly, but you do need to look for yourself as well. I know some single moms that just want some form of happiness and does not want money from him. But, those are rare in my city. A lot of woman here have children from different fathers, and yea I can picture that be tough sell to find a boyfriend. I'm not picking one the ones who want love, it's just a lot harder for them to expect another to transition into a family life style with another and her children.

[paulpablo]

Where do you live just out of curiosity?

[WinterHold]

All I understand that the world sucks, that's why we turn to the virtual net.
So it sucks, believe me!

[surreptitious57]

I cannot give advice but can tell you about my own life. I am 52 years old and a complete loner. I have no family or friends and no wife or job and none of this bothers me
at all as I am content to remain this way until the day I die. Time goes really slow at my age but as I am not afraid of death it would not matter if it went really fast. I have
a very easy life so cannot complain. This comes from accepting my limitations and working within them which I do remarkably easily. I am now as free as I have ever been

[AceBoogie]

Does anyone ever truly show the whole of who they are? I would say no. It's not to say that people are constantly deceiving everyone, though some are, it's simply that we show the world the best version of ourselves that we find to be appropriate in that moment. It's human nature. Seems to me like you are psyching yourself out a bit. Anxiety can be crippling.

As far as the isolation, you have the power to change that. Get out of the house and maybe go to the park or go to a local coffee shop and start a conversation with the cashier or something. Get out of your own head.

Find someone to love. Even if it's completely platonic, just a friend you can feel comfortable sharing laughs with. Go volunteer somewhere maybe. Work is a terrible place to attempt to socialize with people because honestly you cannot ever really trust someone at your workplace. I've heard stories of people being fired over office rumors. Shit like that, unfortunately, does happen. Work is not really a place to open up to others, so maybe find someone outside of work to talk to.

[Sterben]

I cannot give advice but can tell you about my own life. I am 52 years old and a complete loner. I have no family or friends and no wife or job and none of this bothers me
at all as I am content to remain this way until the day I die. Time goes really slow at my age but as I am not afraid of death it would not matter if it went really fast. I have
a very easy life so cannot complain. This comes from accepting my limitations and working within them which I do remarkably easily. I am now as free as I have ever been

     Thank you, although you did not directly offer advice your words helped me. I feel better on accepting the fact that the damage is done and the bed is made. I now just have to lye in what I created.