How did u feel when you deconverted?

[Longhorn]

I was bothered by it. I tried to make it work any way I could, but I wasn't able to lie to myself that hard and pretend I didn't realize the truth. I'm not sure if I ever believed 100%, but I was very religious if that makes sense. Eventually I couldn't ignore my lack of faith anymore.

It wasn't and still isn't about the existence of God with religion, for me. I think I always kind of knew that wasn't right. But the things I was made to believe, the fear and the shame still haunt me.

[Mister Agenda]

I remember when I realized I am an atheist, though I can't remember exactly when I became one. It was like relaxing a muscle I didn't know was tightened up, the part of myself that was tied up in knots trying to justify my belief in God.

[vorlon13]

It was gradual, very gradual for me.

I was raised (Midwest conservative) Methodist, and the family took it pretty seriously. I realize now, however, 60s to mid 70s, Methodism was evolving. The church was more ecumenical, minister participated with other churches in the area to impress upon the (public) school board to keep one weekday evening free of school activities and the area churches would/could use that night for their activities and not compete for attendees with the school.

I was in MYF (Methodist Youth Fellowship) and it was, as they say, good clean wholesome fun. One of our activities was a tour of other religious facilities in the area. I recall going to the local Jehovah Witness building, abd even Temple Israel in Omaha. LOL, we even went to a rehab facility, I picked up on some funny ideas on that tour.

My first really negative experience with a churchy group was Campus Crusade for Christ. This was mid 70s Iowa, and as soon as I arrived at college, I started my coming out process. CCfC was unabashedly anti-Gay, then as now I suppose, and I returned their hostility with hostility of my own.

Being so busy with classes, partying and coming out, I did not spend much time with the local Methodists in that town. I think I went to 1 Sunday service and a couple of activities; a roller skating party comes to mind.

Back in the 70s, there was no shortage of open hostility to Gays from most churchy orgs, and soon my unhappiness with CCfC spread to other religious groups too. Anita Bryant was a big deal back then, and she was ecumenically Christian (read that generic) and her and her movement weren't shy about advocating all manner of Draconian solutions to the 'gay problem'. (stripping what legal protections existed, prisons, concentration camps, blind eye towards 'street justice', medical treatments)

I eventually put in a couple years at a Unitarian church. Their take on faith was/is pretty diluted, LOL, and I kept progressing to atheism.

Mid 80s on, I was otherwise occupied with HIV and 12 Stepping so didn't spend too much time on faith matters beyond hating every second of the fundie funerals I wound up attending.

I've never had much sympathy for Moral Majority types, TV preachers, and the idiots that come to my door. (BTW, I've had JWs, a Methodist, Moonies and Bahgwan followers, don't recall LDS more than once or twice in 40 years, although a sister worked with an LDS volunteer for months at her job and I experienced a jot or tittle of prosly from her)

If I had to apportion credit for my atheism, I'd say churchy folks being assholes would merit the biggest tip of the hat.

And I know it sounds snarky, but Last Temptation of Christ really had quite an impact on me, and the majority of churchy folks HATING it squelched whatever chance their was for that of keeping me at whatever level of religious I was when I saw it first run when it came out.

(BTW, I just received the Blu-ray of it, and I'll do a topic on it when I'm ready)

[Jeanne]

Hello all.

I was no longer afraid. I did not know that I had been afraid and of what I had been afraid, I did not know either. But...when I said out loud "I do not believe in God" I was overwhelmed with a feeling of no longer being afraid.

-Jeanne

[Whateverist]

Freedom is the feeling I carry now about de-converting. But at the time I think I was more wistful than anything. Having never really been subjected to any formal indoctrination, I had cobbled together an understanding of god/Jesus/after-life which was pretty attractive if I do say so myself. I imagined that god would be impressed that I had decided for myself what was moral and had not simply tried to observe a set of do's and don't's. We'd have forever to critique my choices and even if we disagreed, I knew he/He/it would respect my autonomy. There'd be lots of long walks across the clouds to talk about the early history of the earth and cosmos as well as the eventual course of events. So for me, admitting to myself I didn't actually believe these things meant the loss of something pretty positive with very little negative attached. Ah well, just a lifetime then. Fair enough.

[drfuzzy]

Raised batshit looney Funditard Pentecostal.  Snake-handling, speaking in tongues, possessed by the spirit, dressing like the Amish in the middle of the 1960's, all of it.
Had to memorize Bible verses to quote to my parents before dinner every night.  Attended a xtian school.  It's amazing how long it takes this stuff to shake loose.
But I saw bits and pieces of hypocrisy in my early teens.  How folks would think up a lie in order to "testify", and make up cool-sounding phrases before services to 
pretend to speak in tongues.  I saw a lot of judgmental attitudes, bigotry, and hatred.  I heard family members pray for the day God would return and kill most of 
humanity, and they would get to watch and sing praises.  I knew that some supposedly "perfect, written by GOD" parts of the Bible seemed positively evil,
some ridiculous, and some verses actually contradicted other verses.  
   And then I went to college.  I met people from all different backgrounds.  I started my own comparative religion research.
It was a slow process.  I still played piano and organ for church services.  But the readings just kept sounding weirder by the week, and during one long Easter reading
I just realized that I didn't believe ANY of this bullshit.  It was all just too fucked up.  
   The more I read Dawkins, Hitchens, Harris, Kelley, Boghossian -- Sagan and Hawking and Brian Greene and a lot more stuff -- the more convinced I got.  It took 
a long time.  I feel like I somehow managed to escape from a vicious, anti-intellectual cult.   Thankfully, my only brother made the "journey" with me.

[Seraphina]

It was definitely a freeing feeling.
Hypocrisy is what I despise most about the religious. It's nice to be able to tune out hypocrites now. Not to mention the whole "women should be subordinate" thing - I don't miss that either.

-Teresa

[Chad32]

At first I felt a little weird. I actually thought about converting to a nicer religion before declaring myself an atheist, but there's only really one religion in town, and it doesn't like competition. Over time I became more comfortable with it, deciding if god ever wants to talk one on one, he knows where I am, and what I need to revive my faith.

[Gwaithmir]

My deconversion from Roman Catholicism to agnosticism to atheism took about ten years of comparative religious study and a lot of deep introspection. When I eventually came out as an atheist, it was with a deep sense of emancipation and all those years of effort finally coming to fruition.

[vulcanlogician]