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The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
#91
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
(June 16, 2017 at 11:54 am)Regina Wrote: I wanted to see penii, I am sorely disappoited

[Image: tumblr_inline_ngmzutezMr1qm0wjz.gif]

there's another penile viewing disappointment in this thread.  And not to put too fine a point on it, but the penis we're not seeing is . . . .
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




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#92
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
(June 15, 2017 at 5:36 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote:
(June 15, 2017 at 5:35 pm)Mr.Obvious Wrote: If you spend more than 4 consecutive hours on this thread, is it time to go see a doctor?

I'm asking... for a friend.

Depends how you want to see the doctor...








(June 15, 2017 at 7:14 pm)Minimalist Wrote: One of my favorite jokes.


Quote:While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"

That reminds me of voodoo dick:

Quote:There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
Urbs Antiqua Fuit Studiisque Asperrima Belli

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#93
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
(June 16, 2017 at 12:11 pm)Luckie Wrote:
(June 16, 2017 at 10:14 am)Whateverist Wrote: You sure you want to bring it up?


What can I say? I'm the sort that likes to grab life by the balls.. Rolleyes

Hey whateverist on all your long journeys through forests and beaches.. ever run into some of these Bad Boys? 




OMG! You're practice peniscidist, a mass castrator from the looks of it.
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#94
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
[Image: b1e4d4ac7dbfb98a174b97b29b462117.jpeg]
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#95
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
[Image: macaweenie-cheese-7922.jpg]
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#96
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
(June 16, 2017 at 6:17 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: [Image: b1e4d4ac7dbfb98a174b97b29b462117.jpeg]
Trump's penis?
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!






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#97
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
(June 16, 2017 at 6:59 pm)chimp3 Wrote:
(June 16, 2017 at 6:17 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: [Image: b1e4d4ac7dbfb98a174b97b29b462117.jpeg]
Trump's penis?

[Image: img_0149.jpg]
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#98
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
(June 16, 2017 at 7:01 pm)pocaracas Wrote:
(June 16, 2017 at 6:59 pm)chimp3 Wrote: Trump's penis?

[Image: img_0149.jpg]

Should probably find someone to hide it in their orifice of choice.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental. 
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#99
RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
Doesn't he usually keep it in an oval orifice or something?

Must be like parking a Sinclair C5 in an aircraft hangar.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: The Neverending SFW Penis Thread
[Image: UCXdkN5.jpg]
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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