time for you to become a Muslim. accept it

[Youwait]

The Quran

This is in lieu of my introduction post in which I stated I have to convert 7 of you into Islam in order for our mosque imam to let me marry his daughter at a discount dowry .  I will start by teaching you about the quran.pay attention. I don't wanna have to repeat myself . don't upset me .

 The quran is uncreated and on resurrection day it will become flesh like unto pale man and argue with Allah in defense of Muslim if Allah   has half mind about sticking them in hell . Moreover two suras( Chapter in syraic) will become a cloud and a shade respectively . the air is fresh and sweet . Praise be to Allah

Before I teach you about the Quran we need to pick a Quran from the many versions out there . then we’re going to pick a translation that can effectively bridge   language and  cultural barriers from present to as far back as 14 centuries ago without driving you nuts . .

 Now , there’re ten versions of the Quran from which ten  other  versions were concocted . To be fair  though  there’re more than fifty versions and   they all differ from one another . Praise be to Allah the bountiful and creator  of the seven skies  and mucho qurans . but since you’re not Muslims  I’m not going to burden you with all those Qurans . your minds might not be amiable to contradictions . I will pick just  one from them . It’s called Othman quran .  why ? allow me to explain.

Othman was one of the so called companion of Qathem Ibn Abed AL Lat ( Mohammed ) and the third Caliph . Othman was butchered on account of accusations of tampering with this very quran named after him. He was refused burial in Muslim symmetry and was buried in a Jewish symmetry according to the Islamic narrative . so either he was Jewish or there were no Jews extant  to object to him getting buried in their cemetery . don't think about that . just forget about it .

 Othman Quran is used in the majority of Muslim countries .most of them but not all of them .best not to get caught with one in Morocco.  in Morocco at a  book exhibition it was ordered removed .

. Othman version was like  the first version to be printed which was in 1694  in Germany. there some translations before that but lets just say this was commercial deal. The Ottomans initially rejected  the idea of printed Qurans but changed their minds later  . you will be right to say that  printing and Ottoman expansion was behind it. It became wide spread in the last two centuries .800 years preceding that other Quran versions reigned . Othman version is used by Turkey who has sent close to a thousand clerics to man mosques in Germany were islamization efforts are in full swing coupled with anti assimilation efforts .Praise be to Allah the islamizer and ant assimilator

its called Othman Quran but its not Othman Quran, not according to Islamic historical narrative . better get used to that from now . names that are the names . what happened and according to the islamic narrative , Othman collected all the different versions of the quran and burned them except for this one . so that’s why they call it Othman quran . Mind you the oldest copy extant , what they have at the museum is a copy of copy of alleged Othman quran and that copy has pages missing . but its Othman quran and you better not argue with me about . okay . don't upset me . just be nice okay > i want to get married .

Listen this business of burning books and stuff is just a ploy by Allah the most merciful and beneficent , the destroyer .  What Othman burned were a whole load of Syriac  and Aramaic manuscripts that Qathem Ibn Abed Lat (pBuh)  had hidden .

Back to what I was saying . Turn to the back page of Othman quran and it says   this quran is according to the narration of Hafs Ibn Suliman , who took it form the narration of Asim Ibn Najood who in turn took it from Abi Abed Al Rahman who in turn took his narration from a group of four who are : Othman, Ali Ibn  Abi Talib , Zayd Ibn Thabit and Obey Ibn Kaab” , who in turn took their directly from Mr. Qathem Ibn Abed AL Lat .

So from this you can say the Quran was transmission deal no different from so called haddith . secondly that group of four person were not who Qathem said to take the quran from except for Obey Ibn Kaab .But Abed AL Rhaman said he didn’t take his from Obey but rather Ali Ibn Abi Talib.

So Othman quran is credited to Othman who did not narrate it and the series of transmitters  originate with someone who Qathem (pBuH) did not direct to take the quran from .

 This how Allah confounds the minds of kafirs and infidels , praise be to him
Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom . please wait for me . I shall return . prepare yourself to become a Muslim in the meantime.

[Silver]

[*Deidre*]

lol ''discount dowry''

[brewer]

See this?       



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That's a picture of Muhammad!

[zebo-the-fat]

quran ... like the bible just an old book of myths.... ignore it.

[drfuzzy]

Yawn.  You needed to shorten your jokes.

[Minimalist]

[Rev. Rye]

So, you try to impress the urgency of us becoming a Muslim and you name yourself "You Wait," which implies the exact opposite of urgency.

Look, you may be a nice guy in real life and it seems your heart is in the right place, but don't expect to actually convert us. Especially since after reading your post, it was difficult trying to figure out just what the point you were supposed to make even was. It would be like me talking about the Codex Ardmachanus and saying it's an excuse to drop what you're doing and convert to Christianity.

Here's a collection of the sort of things that might (key word being might) help you win converts from atheism. You may notice a lot of the things they consider "Smoking guns" are very hard to come by indeed. Remember, the sort of things that might seem like good explanations to you in your own little cultural pockets might not seem meaningful at all to people outside it.

Also, if I wouldn't mind asking, what particular type of Islam do you expect us to convert to? Because some forms are more palatable than others, Sufism in particular sticking out in my mind

[Whateverist]

No thanks. TL;DR but it seems you think you have a reason for me to join. (You don't.)

[Fireball]

I call Poe.