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Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
#1
Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?

And have you ever felt like a complete idiot for it afterwards?

Has feeling like an idiot made you feel even more empty which causes you do do or say something stupid again just to feel something again. Even just something negative.

And has that vicious cycle repeated itself?

Or does this all sound completely ridiculous? Tongue
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#2
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
On purpose, no.

Also, I am the type of person who taught myself to not regret anything I say or do.
[Image: mtfbwyf.jpg]
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#3
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
I don't regret my former actions either as it's pointless. And I do seem to be able to use logic to avoid emotions like regret and guilt. They've been long gone for a long while now . . . as has anger. Although I've seemed angry not too long ago in the past but those times I'd say it's just been frustration and linguistic combativeness. It's been a long long while since I've felt genuine anger.

It's a pity that I can't do the same for sadness and despair when they hit as I do for regret and guilt when I make them disappear. And yet, at the same time, they're often as welcome to me as they are overwhelming . . . as sometimes it's just good to feel like I feel something.

And yet . . . I'm nevertheless not depressed. Just rather lost really. Life has that unreal feeling to it right now if it has any sort of feeling at all. I feel so small it's not even worthless or low self esteem. I don't feel bad. I don't even feel empty. I feel almost unreal or like I don't exist at all. Although I know I obviously exist literally speaking as a human being. I mean duh Tongue
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#4
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
Sometimes I do say or do stupid things. I don't think it's to feel less empty.. I don't know why. Sometimes I feel like changing my life to try to do the things I want is hopeless. I don't know if I have mild depression sometimes or not. It would not be surprising if I did. Dieting is making my moods a little off anyway.

I regret a lot of things. Like if option A involves self conflict but the least amount of harm and option B could unleash a shitstorm, I feel bad even though I picked option A.
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#5
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
I traffic often enough in the absurd, almost always for the sake of humor.

When I get truly stupid, I'm usually dead-serious.

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#6
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
(October 13, 2017 at 11:56 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: When I get truly stupid, I'm usually dead-serious.

Likewise . . . when I'm coherent.
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#7
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
I might do something really stupid just to get a rise out of people, like asking a sanctimonious teacher at my Catholic high school if it's okay to have sex with your wife after she's dead. One time, I tried it with another teacher and I managed to get suspended until I had a psychiatrist dope me up.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.

[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]

I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
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#8
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
I've had 4 years of lithium in the past, too. Although I have always been more anti-functional than anti-social.
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#9
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
(October 14, 2017 at 12:10 am)Hammy Wrote: I've had 4 years of lithium in the past, too. Although I have always been more anti-functional than anti-social.

In my case, it was Viibryd and Abilify. The lowest dose does nothing. The second-lowest dose, on the other hand:




This is only slightly exaggerated; In my case, it set in after I got out of the tub the night my dosage got upped.

Luvox works better for me.
Comparing the Universal Oneness of All Life to Yo Mama since 2010.

[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]

I was born with the gift of laughter and a sense the world is mad.
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#10
RE: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
(October 13, 2017 at 6:12 pm)Hammy Wrote: Have you ever said or done really stupid things on purpose just to feel less empty?
Yup.

Quote:And have you ever felt like a complete idiot for it afterwards?
Nope

Quote:Has feeling like an idiot made you feel even more empty which causes you do do or say something stupid again just to feel something again. Even just something negative.

And has that vicious cycle repeated itself?

Or does this all sound completely ridiculous? Tongue
Well, it sounds like it sucks.    Confused
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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