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What were your first questions?
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‘Why are these adults trying to convince me that a dead guy came back to life after three days?’
Nay_Sayer: “Nothing is impossible if you dream big enough, or in this case, nothing is impossible if you use a barrel of KY Jelly and a miniature horse.”
Wiser words were never spoken. 
LOL I didn't even know they were trying to do that. At the year I went to school, from age 5-6, when I was told that story and other stories about Jesus, I always assumed the Bible was just the most famous story in the world. I knew adults liked it too, but I thought it was a story book. I had no idea that adults actually thought it was real lol. It was too much like Aesop's fables in its magicalness (it even had a whole "the moral of this story is" thing going on, just stated less explicitly and it was one big story!)... and my dad had already read Aesop's to me. So when I was about 14 or something I was so shocked to discover people actually believed that shit, and ADULTS.... that I found it utterly hilarious. Me and my brother, who must have been about 11, at the time, then proceeded to write a parody of the Bible called "The Holy Cobblers" (cobblers being British slang for "Nonsense"), The opening being "The earth was without form, and void, and darkness travelled upon the face of the waters.... on a micro scooter" or something like that lol. And another part definitely involving God getting sexually excited by Adam and Eve having sex and his horniness made a nearby volcano erupt because his emotions were connected to the Earth and the rest of the universe, and God felt so embarassed by the whole thing that he saved the day by blocking the volcano with his giant pulsating god-boner. My brother wrote the micro scooter part, I wrote that part. I was only around 15 and despite the fact I'm now 29... my sense of humor hasn't really matured much lol).
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