Things that change us

[Mystic]

^I find the healing short lived, because in the healing, we grow in capacity, which means more duty, and we are ever playful and negligent towards our duty.

I thought doing well in computer science (3rd year now), would make me feel I've accomplished a lot, but with realizing the skillset I have, and in other classes as well, I feel I been negligent towards my abilities.

The oppressed, the hungry, the people in war torn counties, they wonder what we all do. Watching them.

And the biggest hadith that I constantly remember is the hadiths from then 9th successor:

"Three are partners, the oppressor, the supporter of the oppressor, and the watcher". I am a watcher. I do nothing but watch oppressors have their way.


I wasted too much of my life with video games and other things.

No Psychologist can make this guilt of mine go away and it doesn't matter what they say.

I know I must do something for the oppressed.   Right now, I'm just reflecting on exactly what I must do. Right now, I know I must finish my degree, and so focusing my efforts on that.

I know I can do something, I'm just not sure what at the moment. It's so abstract the plan I have to join and be part of.

[J a c k]

Everything changes me in some way or another, at one level or another. Experience and the accumulation of knowledge together help me evolve consistently.


-moving out of my parents’ bubble (what is this?! Me, facing the real world)
-the Bible Institute (what is this?! Me, facing a two month punishment in a small room. Long story)
-my first visit to a gay bar (So, I’m not the only one who likes that? There are others?)
-the thing (just no. This was the one that broke me and made me the worst version of me)
-marriage (I always thought mine would be like mom and dad’s. This is impossible.)
-kids (I LOVE these little people. I’m STRONGER for them. Fuuuuck! This love is HUGE)
-reading things besides the Bible (dropped religion)
-divorce (first time in life I have ever been free. Fuck. This is terrifying)
-life after divorce (what do I like? What music is this? What are my hobbies? Find some. So, I can think for me? Cool. Wait. Omg! Aaaaaah! Settle down. This feels good. Aaaaaah! Run in circles. How do people live with freedom? Fuck. It’s amazing! Ahhhhhhhhh! Never had I EVER! From birth to now. Oh lawrdy lawrd! I’m FREE! Who am I? Let’s find out.)

Pretty much.

When "the thing" pass; you know that you will come back stronger..
Unless if it's the "other thing".

I don’t think the thing had to happen for any reason. I don’t believe in destiny or meant to be stuff. I don’t believe tragedy is necessary for a better self when the damage is so profound, that even with growth, you can’t escape its claws. I am a much better, stronger, smarter, happier person now than I was years ago, but that’s not thanks to tragedies or the thing. That’s despite the thing. It’s because of resilience, motivation, the love for my two sons and love for myself, and because I refuse to be a sad lump on the floor just crying and feeling like shit. Someone once told me that god had a plan in everything and that maybe he used tragedy to make me a better person, so I could help others. To that I say, fuck you. I’m a better person for many reasons, but not thanks to horrible people doing horrible things. Sometimes I have days when the old me resurfaces and I doubt myself and my ability to make sound decisions, to cope, to fight, but new me is bigger and better and I get back up. You know what helps? Surrounding myself by admirable, positive, smart, decent humans and cats.

[WinterHold]

At the time, the 'thing' is even hard to articulate, but once you conquer it, and you can articulate it, then you know you're healing. It's a great feeling.

Your personal set of things Ivy, and how you it shaped you, is inspiring!

If you survive the cut, you will come back stronger than ever; that's for sure

[*Deidre*]

^I find the healing short lived, because in the healing, we grow in capacity, which means more duty, and we are ever playful and negligent towards our duty.

I thought doing well in computer science (3rd year now), would make me feel I've accomplished a lot, but with realizing the skillset I have, and in other classes as well, I feel I been negligent towards my abilities.

The oppressed, the hungry, the people in war torn counties, they wonder what we all do. Watching them.

And the biggest hadith that I constantly remember is the hadiths from then 9th successor:

"Three are partners, the oppressor, the supporter of the oppressor, and the watcher". I am a watcher. I do nothing but watch oppressors have their way.


I wasted too much of my life with video games and other things.

No Psychologist can make this guilt of mine go away and it doesn't matter what they say.

I know I must do something for the oppressed.   Right now, I'm just reflecting on exactly what I must do. Right now, I know I must finish my degree, and so focusing my efforts on that.

I know I can do something, I'm just not sure what at the moment. It's so abstract the plan I have to join and be part of.

Continue being yourself. Kind, humble and open. We don’t have to wait to help the oppressed, we can start right now, right as we are.

---

That’s so true Ivy. I think for me, horrible people entering my life wasn’t an accident. It was more that I attracted toxic people and those situations showed me that I needed to change. There is a saying in Buddhism (think it’s Buddhism) “the teacher will keep showing up until you learn the lesson.” So I dated many assholes, in other words haha I remember whining on here about them a few years ago. It took a lot of strength that I didn’t know I had to change, and we all don’t believe sometimes that we have it. But, we do.

[Mystic]

^I find the healing short lived, because in the healing, we grow in capacity, which means more duty, and we are ever playful and negligent towards our duty.

I thought doing well in computer science (3rd year now), would make me feel I've accomplished a lot, but with realizing the skillset I have, and in other classes as well, I feel I been negligent towards my abilities.

The oppressed, the hungry, the people in war torn counties, they wonder what we all do. Watching them.

And the biggest hadith that I constantly remember is the hadiths from then 9th successor:

"Three are partners, the oppressor, the supporter of the oppressor, and the watcher". I am a watcher. I do nothing but watch oppressors have their way.


I wasted too much of my life with video games and other things.

No Psychologist can make this guilt of mine go away and it doesn't matter what they say.

I know I must do something for the oppressed.   Right now, I'm just reflecting on exactly what I must do. Right now, I know I must finish my degree, and so focusing my efforts on that.

I know I can do something, I'm just not sure what at the moment. It's so abstract the plan I have to join and be part of.

Continue being yourself. Kind, humble and open. We don’t have to wait to help the oppressed, we can start right now, right as we are.

I don't want to be myself, because I realized I'm not the change I want to see in the world, but the problem.  It's people gifted with my capacity that have to do something. If we do nothing, who will do something? Pretend to be hero in a video game. Go up arbitrary ranks in Hero league video game?

Save the world in fable while watching the darkness rise in real life. 

I realized I am not the change at all, like in Ghandi's famous quote. I am the problem. I have to change.

I know psychologist always tell me I am too hard on myself, but I am 100% certain, I have not been hard enough.

[WinterHold]

When "the thing" pass; you know that you will come back stronger..
Unless if it's the "other thing".

I don’t think the thing had to happen for any reason. I don’t believe in destiny or meant to be stuff. I don’t believe tragedy is necessary for a better self when the damage is so profound, that even with growth, you can’t escape its claws. I am a much better, stronger, smarter, happier person now than I was years ago, but that’s not thanks to tragedies or the thing. That’s despite the thing. It’s because of resilience, motivation, the love for my two sons and love for myself, and because I refuse to be a sad lump on the floor just crying and feeling like shit. Someone once told me that god had a plan in everything and that maybe he used tragedy to make me a better person, so I could help others. To that I say, fuck you. I’m a better person for many reasons, but not thanks to horrible people doing horrible things. Sometimes I have days when the old me resurfaces and I doubt myself and my ability to make sound decisions, to cope, to fight, but new me is bigger and better and I get back up. You know what helps? Surrounding myself by admirable, positive, smart, decent humans and cats.

We're made from stardust, we share a lot with the environment that gave birth to us, point is you get shaped just like the ground around you. An artist burns material to shape sculptures; so we must burn too to get shaped. Life is full of scenarios that burn us into wonders; or destroy us for good, but the choice is always yours to write the conclusion of the scenario. Your children and the good people around you are only assets for you to excel in writing your story: and that's fate : at least that's how I see it. Your children are also wonders that you burned for 9 months to give birth to -assuming that your pregnancy was something like this -_- :





concluded it in: no pain; no gain.

[Godscreated]

 God a crux, not hardly. God guides us and enables us to make good decisions in our lives, He never forces us to make a decision.

GC

I consider myself spiritual, I was a Christian for a while, and left then went back then left...it went on like this, and then I came to find that being spiritual, having beliefs in a higher power, but not holding to a religion, suits me best. Have you always been a Christian?

Thank you for asking, I've been a Christian and active in God's work for many years. I grew up going to church but it was later (mid twenties) that I came to Christ as my savior. It was even later that I took what I had committed to seriously and it was then that God changed my life in many wonderful ways. Living for Him gave me real purpose in life and God then gave me the personal evidence to know who He was and why he did the things recorded in the scriptures. Believe me this has brought a peace to my life that is unexplainable and gives me hope of a life eternally better.

Why have you left Christianity if you don't mind telling me?

GC

[WinterHold]

^I find the healing short lived, because in the healing, we grow in capacity, which means more duty, and we are ever playful and negligent towards our duty.

I thought doing well in computer science (3rd year now), would make me feel I've accomplished a lot, but with realizing the skillset I have, and in other classes as well, I feel I been negligent towards my abilities.

The oppressed, the hungry, the people in war torn counties, they wonder what we all do. Watching them.

And the biggest hadith that I constantly remember is the hadiths from then 9th successor:

"Three are partners, the oppressor, the supporter of the oppressor, and the watcher". I am a watcher. I do nothing but watch oppressors have their way.


I wasted too much of my life with video games and other things.

No Psychologist can make this guilt of mine go away and it doesn't matter what they say.

I know I must do something for the oppressed.   Right now, I'm just reflecting on exactly what I must do. Right now, I know I must finish my degree, and so focusing my efforts on that.

I know I can do something, I'm just not sure what at the moment. It's so abstract the plan I have to join and be part of.

Continue being yourself. Kind, humble and open. We don’t have to wait to help the oppressed, we can start right now, right as we are.

---

That’s so true Ivy. I think for me, horrible people entering my life wasn’t an accident. It was more that I attracted toxic people and those situations showed me that I needed to change. There is a saying in Buddhism (think it’s Buddhism) “the teacher will keep showing up until you learn the lesson.” So I dated many assholes, in other words haha I remember whining on here about them a few years ago. It took a lot of strength that I didn’t know I had to change, and we all don’t believe sometimes that we have it. But, we do.

You both need to read about "The Law of Attraction".

[Mr.Obvious]

You know, it's funny. My greatest change was at The end of my puberty, which i hit rather late and which coincided with me losing my religion.
That transition was hard and unpleasant. But i came out a much happier and much more responsible person. In no small part because i began Looking for my cause of problems within myself, rather than outside myself. Which also made me focus much more on my actions and my own part in solutions. My sense of responsabiliteit and self worth grew without The crux of god. Funny, seems opposite to yours.

 God a crux, not hardly. God guides us and enables us to make good decisions in our lives, He never forces us to make a decision.

GC

If there is a god, of course. Which is wher we differ of course.
And depending on the kind of god you believe in. Goes to say. I didn't realise it at the time. But the god i used to believe in wouldn't allow for guidance, it'd be total control over our fate and will.

[*Deidre*]

I consider myself spiritual, I was a Christian for a while, and left then went back then left...it went on like this, and then I came to find that being spiritual, having beliefs in a higher power, but not holding to a religion, suits me best. Have you always been a Christian?

Thank you for asking, I've been a Christian and active in God's work for many years. I grew up going to church but it was later (mid twenties) that I came to Christ as my savior. It was even later that I took what I had committed to seriously and it was then that God changed my life in many wonderful ways. Living for Him gave me real purpose in life and God then gave me the personal evidence to know who He was and why he did the things recorded in the scriptures. Believe me this has brought a peace to my life that is unexplainable and gives me hope of a life eternally better.

Why have you left Christianity if you don't mind telling me?

GC

I've shared it here before, but the abbreviated version is that I just gradually turned away from prayer life, the Bible, and really believing what I had been indoctrinated to believe. I actually believe in Jesus' existence, and many spiritual values that can be found throughout different belief systems. I just don't follow ''religion'' anymore. I've come to my own understanding of God, and the universe. I have a lot of peace that I didn't have before as a Christian or as an atheist. That said, atheism makes logical sense to me. I was an atheist for a few years, that's when I first came to this site, shortly after I left Christianity.

So when you were a kid, you kind of just went through the motions?