I Need Some Advice...

[Jonah]

Alright, before I explain what's going on, let me just say this: I've just been accepted into both the University of Alabama and Auburn University, both with full scholarship offers. Needless to say, I'm super excited!! Also, my mom has turned into a bit of a religious fanatic; she loves watching the TV evangelist Joyce Meyer.

Anyway, on to my story...

Last night, I was in the car with my mom coming back from Costco. We had been talking about what sort of dorm I would like to live in while I was in college. After a brief lull, this strange conversation occured:

Mom: Son, have you thanked the Lord lately?
Me: What do you mean?
Mom: I'm being serious, son. Have you thanked the Lord for all the blessings He has given you?
Me: Umm...well, I'm certainly appreciative of the scholarships, if that's what you're asking.
Mom: I'm not joking! Have you prayed and said, "Thank you Lord Jesus for these blessings?"
Me: Why are you asking me this?
Mom: Your father and I have been talking. He asked me if I thought you were being appreciative of this good fortune; I told him I didn't know.
Me: (lying through my teeth) Well, yeah, I've given thanks to God.
Mom: That's good. You keep talking about how much you don't like church and how you can't stand your youth group.
Me: Just because I hate church doesn't mean I can appreciate good fortune, Mom. It doesn't matter that I think those kids in youth group use Jesus as a free psychiatrist; I'm very lucky to have received those scholarships. I realize that!

This is how my mom (never my dad) asks me in a not-so-subtle way if I'm an atheist/agnostic/whatever. She's asked me this several times now, even occasionally bringing up the dreaded "a" word. I haven't come out of the non-religious closet simply because I don't see the need to open Pandora's box. I would rather not get into a fight with my parents over something as silly as religion. Besides, I have college to worry about!

Do you guys have any advice as to what I could say to my Mom? Knowing her, she'll bring this up again in the not-so-distant future. I could really use some help in this matter.

[Tiberius]

It is always hard when you are dependant on parents, and in those instances, I always suggest the same thing:

Stick with the lie, but try to avoid the conversations if you can. It isn't nice to lie to your parents, but if they are of the persuasion that your mom appears to be, you need to think about your security before you think about her. The last thing you want is her disowning you before you're even an adult.

Once you are at university, you can relax a little. You'll probably join a campus atheist group (I recommend it), so you'll have plenty of people to talk to about your problems. At this stage, since you aren't depending on your parents anymore, you can come out if you wish. If you do decide to come out, you need to push the issue of "it's my life", and "my beliefs aren't up to you", etc, whilst still maintaining that you respect the beliefs of your parents and would never attempt to ridicule them because of them.

[Jonah]

Thanks for the advice, Adrian. I've looked into joining the Secular Students Alliance. I plan on being more open about my beliefs once I am in college. I don't think I'm going to mention my atheism to my parents anytime soon.

While I am sad that my mom has gone down the fundamentalist route, I respect her right to believe as she sees fit. I try not to bring up religion if I can help it. While it's hard to do, I really don't want to be disowned because I am still financially dependent on them for the time being. I guess I'm just stuck between a rock and hard place at the moment, but I'm working through it!

[Minimalist]

It isn't nice to lie to your parents,

True, Adrian. But in this case I suspect they would prefer the lie to the reality.

I agree with Adrian. While you are living with them you are more or less stuck. Yes, you will feel like a whore but this is one of life's biggest lessons. 'Honesty is the best policy' only applies if you are independently wealthy. Sometimes you have to act in ways that you find morally abhorrent in order to not make things worse. This will not be the only time in your life when you face such a problem, son. Wait until you get into the work environment. Bosses can be bigger shits than parents.

[Welsh cake]

Also, my mom has turned into a bit of a religious fanatic; she loves watching the TV evangelist Joyce Meyer.

Oh no...I can relate since my mother is also quite the fundamentalist when she wants to be. We've had many exchanges and none of them have ended pleasantly. All I can say is when arguing with the hopelessly convinced its best to keep your views to yourself and share them with others who are more open-minded.

Mom: Son, have you thanked the Lord lately?
Me: What do you mean?
Mom: I'm being serious, son. Have you thanked the Lord for all the blessings He has given you?
Me: Umm...well, I'm certainly appreciative of the scholarships, if that's what you're asking.

You wasted a golden opportunity to say "Dear Lord, I worked and studied hard to make something of myself, so thanks for nothing".

[Jonah]

Dang! I'll have to remember that one! Thanks Welsh Cake!

[Lethe]

My mother knows I'm an atheist and isn't bothered. My father is a "believer" in the vaguest sense of the word, but I had an odd conversation with him while he was drinking after I stated I preferred Pope John Paul II to Pope Benedict XVI. I can't remember how that conversation began.

Him: "Why? You're not Catholic."

Me: "I'm not anything."

Him: "Well maybe you should be, find a religion."

Me: "I'm a metaphysical naturalist."

Him: "Well that's okay then, as long as you're not agnostic, because there is a god and she's pissed."

Me:

In my experience: use big words, it confuses them.

[chasm]

The best advice I can give is to stick with the lie until you are out of the house. Once you aren't dependant on your parents anymore, you should tell them.

[HeyItsZeus]

Please "come out." If your parents do love you, then you need have no fear about being disowned. You will be doing yourself a favor if you stay open to your parents. Lies never get you anywhere...

[Abraham3]

You might mention that those scholarships are the result of your hard work, not "good fortune".