School Shooting Range (Original Song)

[Mechaghostman2]

My vocals are shit, and the animation is a little lazy. Also I didn't give the name of the song in YT itself because I wanted to monetize it. What are your thoughts on it overall?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evvsmVwuOjo

[Homeless Nutter]

Can't hear the lyrics and the message of the video is vague to the point of non-existence. I don't know if that was your intention, but it looks and sounds like a potential school-shooter's fantasy.

On the technical side - guitars are mostly passable, I guess. Preemptively calling your vocals "crappy" doesn't really make the song more listenable. If I were you - I'd either work on the vocals, so that lyrics can be heard (assuming they're not along the lines of "It's fun to shoot kids."), or have an instrumental track, with a video, that has a point.

Or - you know - you could just delete the whole thing, or keep it private. That way you'll be least likely to end up on some sort of register...

[Brian37]

My vocals are shit, and the animation is a little lazy. Also I didn't give the name of the song in YT itself because I wanted to monetize it. What are your thoughts on it overall?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evvsmVwuOjo

 The music was fine, but you do need to re edit to boost the vocals when you can.

[Mechaghostman2]

Can't hear the lyrics and the message of the video is vague to the point of non-existence. I don't know if that was your intention, but it looks and sounds like a potential school-shooter's fantasy.

On the technical side - guitars are mostly passable, I guess. Preemptively calling your vocals "crappy" doesn't really make the song more listenable. If I were you - I'd either work on the vocals, so that lyrics can be heard (assuming they're not along the lines of "It's fun to shoot kids."), or have an instrumental track, with a video, that has a point.

Or - you know - you could just delete the whole thing, or keep it private. That way you'll be least likely to end up on some sort of register...

The lyrics are a mix of sort of talking about what happens in these scenarios, as well as giving a political message.
The cartoon parts of the video are just random violence, mixed with scenes of kids running away and a few scenes from Columbine to remind people that it's not just a cartoon. That and putting the Bill Of Rights in the background in several scenes just to give the message that this is going to continue to happen if we don't start thinking differently about our gun laws.

"The bullets fire off in the hallway of a school
Another mad man with a gun he thinks is cool
Ripping through the classroom with a legal Tech 9
A 9 mill round lodged in a kid's spine

Rip 'em up, tear 'em down, innocents he'll fight
18th century slave owners said it's his right
Kill 'em all, shoot 'em dead, mass graves overnight
Try something new and the rednecks will fright

Sending kids home in a lead-lined body bag
Gun fire stops he's gotta change the mag
Blood stains engulf all the campus halls
As the students line the walls

Rip 'em up, tear 'em down, innocents he'll fight
18th century slave owners said it's his right
Kill 'em all, shoot 'em dead, mass graves overnight
Try something new and the rednecks will fright

Welcome to the land of the free, and the home of the insane
Hyping the carnage to be, all these cycles the same

Pipe bomb paints an entire classroom red
Hear the cries as friends are all dead
Silence now abundant as you kneel a bow
Turn the gun around and kill yourself now"

As for a version without vocals, here you go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idbPUmdT19A

[bennyboy]

My vocals are shit, and the animation is a little lazy. Also I didn't give the name of the song in YT itself because I wanted to monetize it. What are your thoughts on it overall?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evvsmVwuOjo

I think it's a very good song, and the start of a pretty good video.  I'd call it proof of concept, right now.

Critically, I'd say:
1)  The construction of the song is great.
2)  The drums are boxed, unless you are a human metronome.  Try humanizing the drum track a little.
3)  Your vocals aren't as bad as you think they are, but you'll need to get the right combination of effects to make it sound less geeky.  I'd say overdrive + chorus + EQ will be plenty to make those vocals sound shredded. What software are you using to do your tracks?
4)  If you played the guitar part live, then kudos.  Very nice.

The following is not as good a piece of music as yours, and even the guitar sound is boxed.  But just an example of my (equally geeky) voice being made to sound ferocious purely with special effects. I'm only talking about the moment at about 0:10 and again around 1:02, not the rest of the song, which isn't very good. I changed my nerdy "Rawr!" into a proper roaring sound, I think.