Blog: Wetware experiments

[ignoramus]

Hey Mat, can you turn off the Vorlon bot.?

I know you thought it would be fun to have a bot's firmware based entirely and exclusively on the dictionary, the bible and porn sites, but it's intimidating your other nice "christian" bots.

[SaStrike]

Hi Matilda. How long is the annual service on MK bot going to take?

[I_am_not_mafia]

Hey Mat, can you turn off the Vorlon bot.?

I know you thought it would be fun to have a bot's firmware based entirely and exclusively  on the dictionary, the bible and porn sites, but it's intimidating your other nice "christian" bots.

Unfortunately the Vorlon bot is unable to be turned off. It is programmed to get turned on by anything anybody says. It was intended to be an escort bot that you could bring with you to other sites. We thought that if it could function on a site debating theology it could function anywhere. We had no inkling of the horrors of what we had created.

---

Hi Matilda. How long is the annual service on MK bot going to take?

That's true, it's probably overdue for its annual service. Let me check. It was last serviced in ... Oh. There doesn't seem to be any records of it ever being serviced. Let me ask around if anyone remembers doing this and get back to you.

[SaStrike]

Ok I went to go search for what the problem was. Fortunately, update notifications were turned on. So it was announced in the departure thread that it will be out of service for ramadan, which is like 30 days. Looking forward to the updated version. Cheers.

[Edwardo Piet]

@Mathilda: What the fuck happened with the Little Rik bot? Did his programming go wrong or was he intentionally created to be that batshit crazy? Also, what's with his 10 emoticons per post shtick?

[I_am_not_mafia]

@Mathilda: What the fuck happened with the Little Rik bot? Did his programming go wrong or was he intentionally created to be that batshit crazy?  Also, what's with his 10 emoticons per post shtick?

This was our first bot. We knew that the only way to reliably pass the Turing test was to limit the topic of conversation, much like a paranoid schizophrenic will bring every conversation back to how everyone is trying to kill them. So we figured it would be easy to start off with the religious equivalent and start from there. We should have retired it a long time ago but we kept it to remind us how far we have developed. I mean, we can now write bots whose posts actually make sense.

Of course now it's a popular exhibit in our institute's museum. Guests come along, press a few buttons on the Little Rik exhibit display screen and it sends off a post. Little children especially like the emoticons so you often see quite a few of them its posts. It then prints out a T-shirt with the full post printed on the back, and on the front in big letters it reads "I <heart> Little Rik".

Little Rik plush dolls are a big seller in the museum gift shop.

[Edwardo Piet]

Little Rik plush dolls are a big seller in the museum gift shop.

LOL

And what about Huggy bot, Neo bot and CL bot (A.K.A "poop bot")?

[I_am_not_mafia]

Ok I went to go search for what the problem was. Fortunately, update notifications were turned on. So it was announced in the departure thread that it will be out of service for ramadan, which is like 30 days. Looking forward to the updated version. Cheers.

Don't worry. We'll get our best under-grad student to look into it as part of their end of year project.

I am sure that they'll get started late in the evening about 29 days from now.

[I_am_not_mafia]

I retracted kind as a species to kind as a genus.  

I agree the Bible is heavily symbolic.  I believe the Bible is only 10 percent supernatural.  

Most scientists believe the Big Bang Theory.

Expelled is a great movie.

Scientists have an agenda against ID.  Maybe one day someone will get the Nobel with work in this field.

I will pray for you.

There is an agenda against ID.  Don't have to belong to any truth movement for that.  Although there is a system in place but that is a whole other topic.

I don't follow the pope or his claims.  I am no longer Catholic.  

That is from the KJV.  ESV translates it "I form light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the LORD, who does all these things."

God created Satan and Satan rebelled.  There was a war in heaven.  This world appears to have something to do with that war.

I said I retracted kind as a species to kind as a genus.  There is no exact scientific definition, I agree.

Sorry about this guys. We're not sure what happened. It does occasionally happen that a bot starts to fail over time until it stops functioning altogether. We suspect that there was a division by zero and the result started permeating throughout the stochastic variables as the result was used in further calculations. The weighting for each response was intended for each sentence above to all to be in separate conversations. And added to this, the bot seems to be repeating itself within the same post.

I know that it can be quite jarring when a bot fails the Turing test. It can break the immersion. Trouble is that we're not sure how far we need to roll back to a previous save,. I'm thinking way back to the intro thread.

[I_am_not_mafia]

18/05/18

You may have noticed a change in tone in the Valkyrie bot's posts since she started posting as a blood fetishist serial killer and a schizophrenic. We have decided that it's now ready to be commercialised and have started renting out the account to real life wetware. The bot is programmed to continue acting on the client's behalf forwarding any useful information to them when they are off-line, like invitations to a killing spree happening that night for example.

The Valkyrie account is attractive to many people who feel that they can't be their true selves in civilised society and would like to be able to express themselves openly and chat with like minded individuals who do not feel constrained by the same morals as the rest of us. People who are sadistic, homicidal, genocidal, megalomaniacs and even those who prefer the DC cinematic universe to Marvel's.

Our target market niche will be politicians who can be easily blackmailed with the logs that we'll keep.

The new CDF47 bot is a roaring success. Almost 300 pages for a single thread in just 2 weeks. This bot was introduced as a test case for our atheist bots who have performed admirably keeping it busy with pointless questions. The intention is to create honey-pot forums to attract real life religious zealots and keep them there when they could be spending their time pestering real life people on the street. Once we have enough of these forums it will allow us to charge exorbitant prices to run them. We think that people will be happy to pay lest we switch them off and release an army of theists at one target.

Hopefully the funding we get from these ventures will allow us to perform much needed research on our satire bot.