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Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
When will Jesus return?

Poll: When will Jesus come back?
This poll is closed.
Next 10 years.
5.56%
 1 5.56%
Next thousand years.
0%
 0 0%
Who knows? Could be a billion years from now.
5.56%
 1 5.56%
At the heat death of the Universe, or, even later.
0%
 0 0%
Never -- Jesus is dead.
88.89%
 16 88.89%
Total 18 vote(s) 100%
* You voted for this item. [Show Results]

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When will Jesus return?
Lucanus Offline
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#11
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 4:24 pm (This post was last modified: September 5, 2018 at 4:25 pm by Lucanus.)
I voted "next 10 years", just to fuck with y'all
(September 5, 2018 at 3:12 pm)Gawdzilla Sama Wrote: Jesus will be back before half time, just making a beer run.

But this is also plausible
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.

Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.

Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.

Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.

Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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Abaddon_ire Offline
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Religious Views: Atheist
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#12
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 4:40 pm (This post was last modified: September 5, 2018 at 4:42 pm by Abaddon_ire.)
According to the bible, 2,000 tears ago.

BTW, i have a bridge for sale...

ETA: I was going to edit that, but "tears" seemed apropos.
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Jehanne Away
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#13
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 4:44 pm
(September 5, 2018 at 3:19 pm)alpha male Wrote:
(September 5, 2018 at 2:20 pm)Jehanne Wrote: A poll for everyone!  While growing-up, I used to waste my days and youth day-dreaming about Jesus' Second Coming, but now, I have the pleasure of just living my life still talking about it on the internet!

FTFY

It's good to see that you do not take it seriously, either.
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Abaddon_ire Offline
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#14
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 4:58 pm
Possibly the most idiotic poll I have ever seen.
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Jehanne Away
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#15
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 5:24 pm
(September 5, 2018 at 4:58 pm)Abaddon_ire Wrote: Possibly the most idiotic poll I have ever seen.

It's that sole positive vote that makes it both sad and funny.
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fromdownunder Offline
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Posts: 56
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#16
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 8:36 pm
Jesus will not come at or after the heat death of the Universe. You are confusing him with Zarquon who was delayed due to many complications and things popping up at the last second But he did eventually turn up.

Norm
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Minimalist Offline Donators
Go Blow Jesus Out Your Ass
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Joined: August 2, 2009
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#17
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 8:47 pm
Jesus will come when his followers finish jerking him off.
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Losty Offline
LastPoet’s jerkoff #4
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#18
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 9:04 pm
Is Jesus dead? Or was he ever real to begin with. I’m unsure.
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay

0/10

Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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The Valkyrie Offline
The last smile some will see...
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#19
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 9:15 pm
He was back a couple of years ago.

He landed in Texas and began his ministry but the “dirty hippy” was arrested, roughed up, and deported to Vietnam.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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Anomalocaris Offline
Stem arthropod
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#20
RE: When will Jesus return?
September 5, 2018 at 11:30 pm (This post was last modified: September 5, 2018 at 11:30 pm by Anomalocaris.)
(September 5, 2018 at 3:19 pm)alpha male Wrote:
(September 5, 2018 at 2:20 pm)Jehanne Wrote: A poll for everyone!  While growing-up, I used to waste my days and youth day-dreaming about Jesus' Second Coming, but now, I have the pleasure of just living my life still talking about it on the internet!

FTFY

It is a pleasure to talk about it in the past tense.
(September 5, 2018 at 9:04 pm)Losty Wrote: Is Jesus dead? Or was he ever real to begin with. I’m unsure.

Makes no difference.
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Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
When will Jesus return?

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