(November 21, 2018 at 10:14 pm)bennyboy Wrote: I'm going to be harsh.
You've managed to put down some interesting ideas, and to rhyme.
But I can't get the meter to work out no matter how I emphasize the words. It seems a bit amateurish to me tbh.
No prob. When i ask for input, i don't ask for a bunch of yes-men. Tackattack pointed out The same problem, an i tried again baSed on that, above. Does that improve The flow and meter? Or do you experience this hassle (too) in The revamped version?
"If we go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, last night, suggesting 69.
![[Image: 41bebac06973488da2b0740b6ac37538.jpg]](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/41/be/ba/41bebac06973488da2b0740b6ac37538.jpg)
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- Your mum, last night, suggesting 69.
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