Do I love my father?

[Der/die AtheistIn]

I have this question for years. I made posts before about things I dislike about him. He has also done nice things for me. I'm satisfied with his financial support and he always invested in my education. When he's (mostly) calm, he treats non and me peacefully. He's also pretty skilled at maths and physics. And I do believe that he loves me, even if he sometimes can't handle his emotions and acts like a dick. He is very anxious and there are many times when he doesn't attack anyone, but his negativity is still very annoying.
However, I don't feel like I generally respect them. 
I never try to change my emotions about something or someone. I analyse things and let emotions come for themselves. This might be how (most) humans handle things.
I never told anyone in person that I don't know whenever I love dad or not, but my mom told me, that you should see the majority of one's personality. She said, that he has usually good intentions and does have qualities, therefore he's mostly good. However, there were times when she said she felt like leaving him. She told me once that she didn't left, because of financial matters, the fact that he does have qualities and he didn't have an easy past.
I'm trying to look at things as objective as possible, but I still can't find an answer.
His dad was and still is a bigger dick. I understand that it's hard not to be influenced by your parents, but this doesn't justify my dad's behavior. He dislikes his father, so why isn't he trying harder not to be like him? I'm not expecting him to be always nice or to never loose control, but I would like if he at least tried not to insult us. If he at least tried to be reasonable. His sister (my aunt) doesn't have this problem. Why is she able, but he not? 
His mom and many other relatives died when he was a young adult. He has every right to be sad about it, but how can this turned mean to us? 
So do I love him? I certainly have mixed feelings, but what are the strongest feelings? Do I incline more to disliking him, and it's hard for me to accept it? Am I somewhere in the middle?

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Lucky you, to have any good memories of your Y-donor.

[Angrboda]

I have similar questions about my father, who passed away several years back. Beyond the abuse I suffered, I never felt truly loved, though I had the impression that was his overall feelings towards me and my sisters. I just had difficulty reconciling that with the way I was treated, and I don't necessarily mean the abuse, either. The last few years of his life, I didn't visit him or talk to him before he died. I have no regrets about that, as it was not unusual. Because of my disability, I don't like to travel, and we never did talk. So, I'm not likely one to have any answers for you, as these are questions I haven't settled for myself. Sorry that I don't have any wisdom to offer.

[Der/die AtheistIn]

I have similar questions about my father, who passed away several years back.  Beyond the abuse I suffered, I never felt truly loved, though I had the impression that was his overall feelings towards me and my sisters.  I just had difficulty reconciling that with the way I was treated, and I don't necessarily mean the abuse, either.  The last few years of his life, I didn't visit him or talk to him before he died.  I have no regrets about that, as it was not unusual.  Because of my disability, I don't like to travel, and we never did talk.  So, I'm not likely one to have any answers for you, as these are questions I haven't settled for myself.  Sorry that I don't have any wisdom to offer.

No problem, thank you for answering me anyway. Sometimes it really helps to just talk about a problem and hear what others have to say about their experiences.
I hope you're doing great despite your disability. May I ask what disability you have? It's alright if you don't wanna tell.

[Angrboda]

I have similar questions about my father, who passed away several years back.  Beyond the abuse I suffered, I never felt truly loved, though I had the impression that was his overall feelings towards me and my sisters.  I just had difficulty reconciling that with the way I was treated, and I don't necessarily mean the abuse, either.  The last few years of his life, I didn't visit him or talk to him before he died.  I have no regrets about that, as it was not unusual.  Because of my disability, I don't like to travel, and we never did talk.  So, I'm not likely one to have any answers for you, as these are questions I haven't settled for myself.  Sorry that I don't have any wisdom to offer.

No problem, thank you for answering me anyway. Sometimes it really helps to just talk about a problem and hear what others have to say about their experiences.
I hope you're doing great despite your disability. May I ask what disability you have? It's alright if you don't wanna tell.

I had nine of my ten fingers amputated due to frostbite in 2008.

[Cod]

I was raised by my father as an only child. My brothers and sisters hated him.

Seriously though, you have my sympathy.. I have mixed feelings about my dad too, I think I blanked out a lot of the bad stuff from my mind as a kid and focused on his good points.
After he and my mother disowned me, my life improved and we hardly ever spoke. That situation remained up until he died a few years back..

It's funny though, I find myself describing him as a good bloke, and like I say remembering his good points rather than some of the shitty things he did.

[GrandizerII]

I don't. Glad I'm well away from him.

[LastPoet]

I have this question for years. I made posts before about things I dislike about him. He has also done nice things for me. I'm satisfied with his financial support and he always invested in my education. When he's (mostly) calm, he treats non and me peacefully. He's also pretty skilled at maths and physics. And I do believe that he loves me, even if he sometimes can't handle his emotions and acts like a dick. He is very anxious and there are many times when he doesn't attack anyone, but his negativity is still very annoying.
However, I don't feel like I generally respect them. 
I never try to change my emotions about something or someone. I analyse things and let emotions come for themselves. This might be how (most) humans handle things.
I never told anyone in person that I don't know whenever I love dad or not, but my mom told me, that you should see the majority of one's personality. She said, that he has usually good intentions and does have qualities, therefore he's mostly good. However, there were times when she said she felt like leaving him. She told me once that she didn't left, because of financial matters, the fact that he does have qualities and he didn't have an easy past.
I'm trying to look at things as objective as possible, but I still can't find an answer.
His dad was and still is a bigger dick. I understand that it's hard not to be influenced by your parents, but this doesn't justify my dad's behavior. He dislikes his father, so why isn't he trying harder not to be like him? I'm not expecting him to be always nice or to never loose control, but I would like if he at least tried not to insult us. If he at least tried to be reasonable. His sister (my aunt) doesn't have this problem. Why is she able, but he not? 
His mom and many other relatives died when he was a young adult. He has every right to be sad about it, but how can this turned mean to us? 
So do I love him? I certainly have mixed feelings, but what are the strongest feelings? Do I incline more to disliking him, and it's hard for me to accept it? Am I somewhere in the middle?

My father could've done things better for me, true. Since I became a dad myself, my prior perspectives were a bit biased to say the least. He was a product of the time and damage he has done as subsided under the sands of time. He is human. he erred and for all that I forgive him, else, I wouldn't be even here. If one is searching for perfect fathers, better go with a god.

Both him and my mother have trifled with me. It is necessary to happen at times. Looking at my sturdy 2 year old.... May she forgive me for anything.

[Duty]

Freud - tell me about your father.

Mine is....alive, and for that I am lucky. I hold him in the highest of contempt, and also I feel a kinship with him unlike with any other. I guess my main gripe as I see things at the moment is that he has excommunicated my sister (and nephew) because he worried they might "give him another stroke." We had an email exchange just the other day and it was good. Things don't get much heavier than your dad. I just watched the episode of OZ where Cyril gives the other boxer brain damage after thinking of him as his father - pseudo-atavistic loathing can bring out the strongest of punches, although it's fiction, and you usually hurt the ones you love.

[tackattack]

You can love the person and hate what they’ve done. You can attempt to reconcile or just cut ties. Your life, mistakes and regrets are yours to own, however you choose to deal with it.