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I feel like my father is too severe
November 5, 2018 at 6:42 pm
He has good intentions, but he freaks out from every mistake I make. I understand that you need to make sure that your child understands when they've done something wrong and because of that you have a severe and maybe even angry tone, but he goes too far.
- he tells me I'm not serious. But I clearly am not joking when making mistakes and I try doing good. I try doing something good with my life.
- he calls me childish, immature. He told me to my face that I act like a small kid. I didn't make any temper tantrums, I'm polite (some posts on the Internet are exceptions, but only because I don't give away my real identity and even then I'm not the one starting a fight) and when I make a mistake a acknowledge that and try repairing it.
- he uses threats. Sometimes says he won't give me support for my studies anymore
- he says I'm making fun of him. My mistakes are not meant to insult him, nor do they look like I'm trying to and they're not pranks either. I don't remember insulting him to his face in the last years and I was a teenager, the group of people known for drama. I did insult him just by thinking (who hasn't done that? you're not impolite if you don't say it out loud) and I did have problems with my feelings. But I didn't yell at him (or anyone else for that matter). The last time when I yelled at him was when I was 13, and even then I didn't use insults. And the reason why I yelled was because I just found out at the time that neither of my parents believed in Hell, while I believed in it for 7 years because of the religion taught in school and neither of them knew that until then. Granted, I did yell very loud and then run into my room, and I didn't call them out for being oblivious to that thing. At that time I didn't want to practice religion anymore, still believed in Jesus, and they forced me to continue practicing it. Years later, dad remembered me screaming. He said he was very disappointed, but couldn't remember the reason why I yelled. I'm sorry for freaking out when just finding out I've been brainwashed for ears right under your nose. You should've been more shocked about that that fearing I disrespect you. Not to mention that he would make a drama out of me making a drama. He would make a drama even when I'm calm
- He managed to bring me to tears this year, I'm 19 years old. He thought I didn't check for an important mail and yelled at me until I started crying. He then told me not to cry, because it won't solve anything. Then I kept my tears but didn't constantly succeed. Every time a tear escaped, he repeated that crying won't solve any problems. The thing is, this time I didn't even do anything wrong. After some more yelling he finally calmed down and apologised. The thing is, I didn't even do anything wrong this time and he found out in the end. At least he apologised before finding out I was innocent.
Sometimes I ask myself if I should even consider having a relationship with him anymore.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in God, in none"
Charlie Chaplin
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 5, 2018 at 6:43 pm
Mine tried to kill me when I was seven.
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 5, 2018 at 7:32 pm
Time for chocolate E-Lax in his brownies? Or ipecac in his coffee? Negative operant conditioning may work wonders.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 5, 2018 at 7:41 pm
Going by what you've posted, your father has a bit of toxicity to him the way he treats you. I really don't know what to say other than you have my sympathies.
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 5, 2018 at 8:15 pm
Just because he is a parent does not mean he can't be an asshole.
I think your last thought is right on the mark.
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 6, 2018 at 1:00 pm
(November 5, 2018 at 7:32 pm)wyzas Wrote: Time for chocolate E-Lax in his brownies? Or ipecac in his coffee? Negative operant conditioning may work wonders.
Thank you for your answer. I'm okay.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in God, in none"
Charlie Chaplin
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 6, 2018 at 1:02 pm
My advice is to get away from him as soon as possible.
"Never trust a fox. Looks like a dog, behaves like a cat."
~ Erin Hunter
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 6, 2018 at 1:05 pm
(November 5, 2018 at 8:15 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Just because he is a parent does not mean he can't be an asshole.
I think your last thought is right on the mark.
He isn't entirely bad, he does help me. The problem is, he also makes sure to remind him of this fact. He sometimes tells my how lucky I am that he's willing to spend money for my education. I understand telling your kid a few times what efforts you make, but he likes, let's say being kissed in the ass.
While he has moments when he treats me unfairly, he's even worse to my mom. She seems able to put up with it though.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in God, in none"
Charlie Chaplin
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 6, 2018 at 1:55 pm
(November 6, 2018 at 1:05 pm)Die Atheistin Wrote: He isn't entirely bad, he does help me. The problem is, he also makes sure to remind him of this fact. He sometimes tells my how lucky I am that he's willing to spend money for my education. I understand telling your kid a few times what efforts you make, but he likes, let's say being kissed in the ass.
While he has moments when he treats me unfairly, he's even worse to my mom. She seems able to put up with it though.
Tell him that if he really loved you he'd buy you a car and pay for an off campus apartment so that your studies were not adversely impacted. If you fail it will all be because of him.
Never underestimate the power of passive aggressive manipulation.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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RE: I feel like my father is too severe
November 6, 2018 at 2:16 pm
Quote: She seems able to put up with it though.
The legal term for that is "mental cruelty." Divorce lawyers use it all the time.
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