Why are some people afraid to be judged by society regarding only some things?

[Der/die AtheistIn]

I know a few christians who follow this religion, because they want to fit in with the rest. It's usually not the only reason, but I didn't make this tread to talk about why people have religions.
The thing is, some of the people mentioned above, tend to act (more or less) like jerks in public, even though the majority dislikes it and they themselves want to fit in.
In some cases, they aren't jerks, but have made some huge mistakes (not necessarily in public). I wonder why are they so worried that people will judge them for not having a religion, but don't seem to be worried about being judged based on said mistakes?
It's not just about religion, it's anyone who follows the herd in a big way, yet still openly does things that the herd clearly hates, or doesn't seem worried that the herd will find out.
I do believe that you shouldn't compromise who you are to meet social standards, but if those people already do it, why do they do it only by half and without hiding it?

[EgoDeath]

I know a few christians who follow this religion, because they want to fit in with the rest. It's usually not the only reason, but I didn't make this tread to talk about why people have religions.
The thing is, some of the people mentioned above, tend to act (more or less) like jerks in public, even though the majority dislikes it and they themselves want to fit in.
In some cases, they aren't jerks, but have made some huge mistakes (not necessarily in public). I wonder why are they so worried that people will judge them for not having a religion, but don't seem to be worried about being judged based on said mistakes?
It's not just about religion, it's anyone who follows the herd in a big way, yet still openly does things that the herd clearly hates, or doesn't seem worried that the herd will find out.
I do believe that you shouldn't compromise who you are to meet social standards, but if those people already do it, why do they do it only by half and without hiding it?

I think, in general, people fear what is unpredictable, because unpredictable might mean danger, and danger might mean death. At the roots of the tree of fear is the fear of death. Up the trunk of the tree and along the many branches and twigs lie a million and one more things to be afraid of. The issue is, most people are not consciously deciphering which socially abnormal behaviors are potentially dangerous and which are essentially harmless, so weird is just seen as weird and that's it.

Now some socially abnormal behaviors are obviously destructive. A guy who runs around on drugs and robs people at gunpoint at shoots at people is seen as weird, but mostly as a danger to society. Someone who is a nudist is probably seen by most as just weird, but by very few seen as a danger to society (though the more tightly wound among us might try to convince us that we're to be more afraid of the nudist and their many moral failings).

So since most people are not very self-aware, weird is just seen as weird, and that's it. And to be weird is to be outed, and having the spotlight on you is not a comfortable feeling because it makes us feel vulnerable, because what if we're not good enough? The thought of not being good enough is a scary thought for most, even in a general sense, it is unsettling. Feeling inadequate sucks. So, instead of going outside of the norm and risking being in the spotlight, most people just decide, usually unconsciously, to just go with the program. Don't rock the boat, do what everyone else is doing.

People don't realize that society as a whole is just one big game of monkey see monkey do. There are legitimate reasons why we do things, i.e. we need to survive, and in order to survive in today's world you need to have money, and to get the money you need to have a job, etc. etc. But besides the need to survive, everything else is a big game of copycat.

Going outside of what's normal puts the focus on you, and if the focus is on you and you're the one being constantly scrutinized, maybe you don't measure up. That's why being famous tears some people completely apart. It must be hard to constantly have that much attention on you unless your personality is built for that sort of thing.

[Der/die AtheistIn]

I think, in general, people fear what is unpredictable, because unpredictable might mean danger, and danger might mean death. At the roots of the tree of fear is the fear of death. Up the trunk of the tree and along the many branches and twigs lie a million and one more things to be afraid of. The issue is, most people are not consciously deciphering which socially abnormal behaviors are potentially dangerous and which are essentially harmless, so weird is just seen as weird and that's it.

Now some socially abnormal behaviors are obviously destructive. A guy who runs around on drugs and robs people at gunpoint at shoots at people is seen as weird, but mostly as a danger to society. Someone who is a nudist is probably seen by most as just weird, but by very few seen as a danger to society (though the more tightly wound among us might try to convince us that we're to be more afraid of the nudist and their many moral failings).

So since most people are not very self-aware, weird is just seen as weird, and that's it. And to be weird is to be outed, and having the spotlight on you is not a comfortable feeling because it makes us feel vulnerable, because what if we're not good enough? The thought of not being good enough is a scary thought for most, even in a general sense, it is unsettling. Feeling inadequate sucks. So, instead of going outside of the norm and risking being in the spotlight, most people just decide, usually unconsciously, to just go with the program. Don't rock the boat, do what everyone else is doing.

People don't realize that society as a whole is just one big game of monkey see monkey do. There are legitimate reasons why we do things, i.e. we need to survive, and in order to survive in today's world you need to have money, and to get the money you need to have a job, etc. etc. But besides the need to survive, everything else is a big game of copycat.

Going outside of what's normal puts the focus on you, and if the focus is on you and you're the one being constantly scrutinized, maybe you don't measure up. That's why being famous tears some people completely apart. It must be hard to constantly have that much attention on you unless your personality is built for that sort of thing.

Thank you for your answer. What kind of personality do you think one needs to have in order to be able to handle being famous?

[EgoDeath]

Thank you for your answer. What kind of personality do you think one needs to have in order to be able to handle being famous?

Ehh, that's a really good question. I think for someone to really handle being famous they have to:

be eccentric
enjoy being the center of attention
be drawn to a fast-paced/intense lifestyle
be incredibly hard workers
be very sociable

Then again, there are probably relatively normal people who adapt to being famous without having all of these traits. I think to be any kind of high-level achiever you have to be pretty eccentric though, especially in show business. There are probably plenty of people too who are exceptions to all of these and maybe truly don't like being famous. I think it's a very weird thing for a human to be as well known as, let's say, the likes of Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio or Meryl Streep and it's not surprising that some of these celebrities are so out there.

[Der/die AtheistIn]

Ehh, that's a really good question. I think for someone to really handle being famous they have to:

be eccentric
enjoy being the center of attention
be drawn to a fast-paced/intense lifestyle
be incredibly hard workers
be very sociable

Then again, there are probably relatively normal people who adapt to being famous without having all of these traits. I think to be any kind of high-level achiever you have to be pretty eccentric though, especially in show business. There are probably plenty of people too who are exceptions to all of these and maybe truly don't like being famous. I think it's a very weird thing for a human to be as well known as, let's say, the likes of Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio or Meryl Streep and it's not surprising that some of these celebrities are so out there.

I would say that they also have to know how to take criticism and don't fall under social pressure. As you said, there might be exceptions to the rule.

[tackattack]

I think a lot of successful stars, knew who they are and what they want and were more informed in their decision to be famous. I see it as kind of like millionaire lottery winners vs people that earn Millions without shortcuts. If you start from a more grounded and centered place, you're less likely to be swayed by the lack of privacy it entails when your life is lived entirely in public. I think it also helps when they keep as much of their lives private as they can. Good questions DA

[Rev. Rye]

Thank you for your answer. What kind of personality do you think one needs to have in order to be able to handle being famous?

Ehh, that's a really good question. I think for someone to really handle being famous they have to:

be eccentric
enjoy being the center of attention
be drawn to a fast-paced/intense lifestyle
be incredibly hard workers
be very sociable

Then again, there are probably relatively normal people who adapt to being famous without having all of these traits. I think to be any kind of high-level achiever you have to be pretty eccentric though, especially in show business. There are probably plenty of people too who are exceptions to all of these and maybe truly don't like being famous. I think it's a very weird thing for a human to be as well known as, let's say, the likes of Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio or Meryl Streep and it's not surprising that some of these celebrities are so out there.

Or generally be sociopaths. Then again, that might actually cover at least two (possibly three or more, depending on the type of sociopath) of those criteria you listed. Then again, perhaps that could be more related to power than fame, but, honestly, the two (or three) tend to go together shockingly well. From Weinstein to Trump, 2017 has proven that beyond the shadow of a doubt.

[Yonadav]

I know a few christians who follow this religion, because they want to fit in with the rest. It's usually not the only reason, but I didn't make this tread to talk about why people have religions.
The thing is, some of the people mentioned above, tend to act (more or less) like jerks in public, even though the majority dislikes it and they themselves want to fit in.
In some cases, they aren't jerks, but have made some huge mistakes (not necessarily in public). I wonder why are they so worried that people will judge them for not having a religion, but don't seem to be worried about being judged based on said mistakes?
It's not just about religion, it's anyone who follows the herd in a big way, yet still openly does things that the herd clearly hates, or doesn't seem worried that the herd will find out.
I do believe that you shouldn't compromise who you are to meet social standards, but if those people already do it, why do they do it only by half and without hiding it?

I think that you are using a lot of loaded language. And I think the loaded language that you are using is language that conforms with the herd-speak of your particular herd. So the best answer to your question might be the one that you would get from critical self examination.

For example, you know xians who want to fit in with the rest. OK, that's a way of phrasing it to make it seem like a herd mentality. And fitting in is not 'not a herd mentality'. But it isn't simply a herd mentality. A sense of community does require shared values, or at least lip service to shared values. This happens everywhere that people have an interest in a sense of community. It happens in this forum. That's why you guys appear to be in lockstep to an observer who is not a part of your community. I'm an outsider who isn't really interested in having a sense of community with you. I share some of your values. I disagree with others. It confuses many members of 'the community' because they can't figure out 'which side I'm on'. One guy has started to call me an 'edge lord' because I don't conform to his dichotomous worldview; and if I don't conform to one side or the other, then I must be an edge lord. That's absolute nonsense, but the herd always sees things as a 'with us or against us' dichotomy.

The two biggest herd bugaboos in today's society is anything that contains even the slightest whiff of anything that might be even remotely construed as white racism or misogyny. Hey did I say 'white' racism? I might be a racist for saying that. Some people say that I am a racist. They say that I am a racist because I say  that black racism is just as racist as white racism, and that reasoning that black racism isn't racism because it isn't 'systemic' is absolute rubbish. It is clearly a line of reasoning that allows black people to harass white people with impunity. The Black Hebrew Israelites are a racist hate group that makes the Westboro Baptist Church look liberal and accepting. So I am a racist sometimes, according to some.

I'm a misogynist according to some. I think that those who are found to be making blatantly false allegations of rape should be prosecuted and receive the same sentence that the intended for the victims of their allegations. I think that a blatantly false allegation of rape is rape. It is how women rape men. I think that it is becoming more common, and we need to take it just as seriously as rape.

I'm a liberal who believes that no one should be a racist and no one should be raped. But when I criticize some black people for being racists and some women for being rapists, I get accused of being a racist and a misogynist.  I don't care because I can afford to not care. I'm retired. You can't get me fired by calling my employer and smearing me. You can't stand outside my home and intimidate me, because I simply am not afraid of stuff like that.

When you go against the herd, the herd gets really nasty. Going against religion isn't really going against the herd. The herd is very permissive with criticisms of religion. One of the great herd mechanisms is the permission that it gives to members of the herd to engage delusions about going against the herd. The western herd is a real bunch of rebels!

[Der/die AtheistIn]

I think that you are using a lot of loaded language. And I think the loaded language that you are using is language that conforms with the herd-speak of your particular herd. So the best answer to your question might be the one that you would get from critical self examination.

For example, you know xians who want to fit in with the rest. OK, that's a way of phrasing it to make it seem like a herd mentality. And fitting in is not 'not a herd mentality'. But it isn't simply a herd mentality. A sense of community does require shared values, or at least lip service to shared values. This happens everywhere that people have an interest in a sense of community. It happens in this forum. That's why you guys appear to be in lockstep to an observer who is not a part of your community. I'm an outsider who isn't really interested in having a sense of community with you. I share some of your values. I disagree with others. It confuses many members of 'the community' because they can't figure out 'which side I'm on'. One guy has started to call me an 'edge lord' because I don't conform to his dichotomous worldview; and if I don't conform to one side or the other, then I must be an edge lord. That's absolute nonsense, but the herd always sees things as a 'with us or against us' dichotomy.

The two biggest herd bugaboos in today's society is anything that contains even the slightest whiff of anything that might be even remotely construed as white racism or misogyny. Hey did I say 'white' racism? I might be a racist for saying that. Some people say that I am a racist. They say that I am a racist because I say  that black racism is just as racist as white racism, and that reasoning that black racism isn't racism because it isn't 'systemic' is absolute rubbish. It is clearly a line of reasoning that allows black people to harass white people with impunity. The Black Hebrew Israelites are a racist hate group that makes the Westboro Baptist Church look liberal and accepting. So I am a racist sometimes, according to some.

I'm a misogynist according to some. I think that those who are found to be making blatantly false allegations of rape should be prosecuted and receive the same sentence that the intended for the victims of their allegations. I think that a blatantly false allegation of rape is rape. It is how women rape men. I think that it is becoming more common, and we need to take it just as seriously as rape.

I'm a liberal who believes that no one should be a racist and no one should be raped. But when I criticize some black people for being racists and some women for being rapists, I get accused of being a racist and a misogynist.  I don't care because I can afford to not care. I'm retired. You can't get me fired by calling my employer and smearing me. You can't stand outside my home and intimidate me, because I simply am not afraid of stuff like that.

When you go against the herd, the herd gets really nasty. Going against religion isn't really going against the herd. The herd is very permissive with criticisms of religion. One of the great herd mechanisms is the permission that it gives to members of the herd to engage delusions about going against the herd. The western herd is a real bunch of rebels!

1. I don't like how you addressed me. When I said herd mentality I was referring to doing things that the rest does without thinking or in spite knowing them to be wrong. Maybe I am guilty of this on some level, there is so much information in this day and age, some of it might get unchecked. But I am trying my hardest not to. How was my language "loaded"? Your response was longer than my post. Also, I pretty much wrote my points directly, without figurative speech or mental gymnastics and there wasn't that much information.
   
2.  The ones close to me don't usually use loaded language. When I do hear loaded language it's usually at church and I dislike it. I doubt that it influenced my way of speaking.
   
3. I agree with you, that many liberals are hypocrites and that we do have a serious problem with white racism and misandry, but the opposition has pretty big numbers too. Society is very divided and it's hard to find a majority.
   
4. I don't entirely agree that going against religion is going against the herd. Atheists can have very varied reasons to why they left faith or continue living without it. Religion does rely a lot on herd mentality, so an atheist might reject being sheep by rejecting religion.
   
5. Even if a non-believer doesn't go against the herd, this doesn't mean said herd won't feel attacked. It heavily depends on the part of the world you live in.
   
6. I was referring to people who intentionally change themselves in order to fit in, yet don't follow some other important rules. Why do some people follow christianity if they wanna fit in, yet don't behave well in public?