Raising Gender Normative Children

[Acrobat]

Gender Identity is a social construct, society and culture define what it means to be a male and what it means to be female. And we as individuals can decide whether these constructs best represent us, whether we are one or the other, or neither, or some combination of both, etc…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_construction_of_gender

Me and my wife classify ourselves as male and female, and we don’t use other modifiers in this descriptions like cis, or non-binary. Yet we also share a variety of elements associated with the opposite gender. I like cooking, enjoy shopping and picking out clothes, and aesthetics, more than my wife, I’m also better at talking about my feelings, and what’s going on inside, than my wife. We’re both aggressive when need be, tough, strong, inclined to protect those we love, etc.. Some of these distinctions are more apparent when around our friends who fit more traditional gender patterns. That we share a lot things in common with the opposite gender than most others do. 

Our ideas of male and female, are perhaps a lot more fluid than the social and culture constructions. For us, men and women can have a variety of things in common with each other, without negating one identify for another. 

In my view, if we’re positive influences on our children's lives, our children will be less inclined to identify with the opposite gender than the general population.   In our family environment they wouldn’t have to feel that certain aspects of themselves are inaccessible to their born gender, or belong exclusively to the opposite gender. Our conceptions are fluid enough that our children would feel comfortable in their own biological skin. 

As long as we are a greater influence on what it means to be male and female than society, we should be successful in this endeavor. 

I will add that I’m not saying that we’re actively trying to program our kids to identify with their biological gender, we’re just being ourselves, and I’m just offering a conclusion of what I think the impact of that would be on their gender identities. 

I do notice that many people who identify with the opposite of their biological gender, tend to speak of gender identity as  a construction out there, and I’m curious to hear how it relates at a more local level, between their fathers and mothers. If you’re a biological male, who identifies as a female, would you say you share a lot more aspects in common with your mother than father here? Do you believe that this relationship, your perceptions of them, have a significant impact on your gender identity?

[I_am_not_mafia]

Just let your children be themselves.

[Shell B]

I do think it's an interesting theory. I mean, people can identify as whatever they want, and you won't hear me squawking about it. However, I do think you raise a good point about the social confines of "gender" making people feel like they're less or more of a man or woman because they like to knit or play baseball. That said, I wouldn't apply that to transgender as much as people "on the spectrum." Transgender individuals don't just like to dress like the opposite sex or play with Barbie Dolls.

In short, it's too complicated to say whether one leads to the other, but interesting to ponder nonetheless.

[bennyboy]

Just be yourself. Let the kids just be themselves. If difficult questions come up, answer them how you feel best at the time.

For the love of god, don't spin the poor little biters' heads with all this bullshit about cisgender normative patriarchal oligarchy and all that. Let them sit in the grass or throw a ball around for a few years, yeah?

[Shell B]

Yeah, kids really need to be able to grow up without complex labels. Development doesn't require it.

[Acrobat]

Just let your children be themselves.

Children are like clay in way, parents, society, culture, their environment all play a significant role in forming and shaping their identities, so whatever it might mean to be "themselves" these elements are a major factor in it, regardless of whether a parents recognizes their role as potters in this development or not. A parent who in essence wants to remove themselves as much as possible from this development, is pretty much asking for society, culture, other components of their external environment to fill that role. And I prefer to be a more active influence in that development, then society or culture, and this doesn't mean that I want to be some hovering, or overbearing overprotective parent either.

[Aoi Magi]

Teach your children to think for themselves, and then answer whatever questions they come up with truthfully, as much as you can. If you try to guide them on specific subjects, which they are not curious about on their own, you might end up doing more harm than good.

[Acrobat]

I do think it's an interesting theory. I mean, people can identify as whatever they want, and you won't hear me squawking about it. However, I do think you raise a good point about the social confines of "gender" making people feel like they're less or more of a man or woman because they like to knit or play baseball. That said, I wouldn't apply that to transgender as much as people "on the spectrum." Transgender individuals don't just like to dress like the opposite sex or play with Barbie Dolls.

In short, it's too complicated to say whether one leads to the other, but interesting to ponder nonetheless.

I think it applies to transgender individuals as well, but I agree transgender individuals can't be reduced to just wanting to dress like the opposite sex or play with barbie dolls. I'm saying for a transgender person, there has to be some conception of what it means to be the opposite sex, and  what it means not be the sex they were born into. Meaning that both male and female, acquire some sort of embodied form, that can contain a variety of elements that they see represented by one gender but not the other. 

So in my view the less restrictive, the less confined, the more fluid the meaning of male and female embody, the less likely I believe a child would identify with the opposite gender. 

I have two daughters, but I hate pink, and princess dresses, and all the overly girly stuff associated with little girls, and they're too young to make such choices for themselves, so i tend to pick less overly girly clothes for them, prefer more neutral and earthly colors, try and raise them to be tough and resilient, etc.. Now it's possible once they get older, and by the influence of their social enivorments stear towards these "girly " elements themselves, but at some level they'll understand that these aspects don't represent what it means to be a girl, and not liking these things is perfectly okay for girls.

---

Teach your children to think for themselves, and then answer whatever questions they come up with truthfully, as much as you can. If you try to guide them on specific subjects, which they are not curious about on their own, you might end up doing more harm than good.

I plan to raise my children in the truth, which is my first priority. And since it's truth, they are welcome to honestly question it, or try and work through it anyway they choose, but they'll end up back to it one way or the other, in the end of any honest reflection. 

When it comes to gender, I don't plan to make any conscious effort to shape their gender identities. I'd raise them the same way regardless if I had no idea their were people who questioned their biological gender. And the existence of such individuals, has no real impact on how I would raise my kids. I expect my children to be like me and my wife, where gender identity is not soo restrictive. If they came to us and said dad I identify with the opposite sex, I'd ask them why they feel that way, and why do they consider these aspects of their identify to belong to the opposite gender etc... but I don't really expect them to think of themselves in such conceptions. I want my children to be comfortable in the skin they were born into, and that how i would raise them

[Shell B]

They may be uncomfortable about it no matter what you do. I would hope you would be supportive of that as well.