How to not take critical feedback personally?

[copiedusername]

Right now I am in Grad school. I am doing just fine. 3.45 GPA. However despite getting A's on 99% of my assignments it seems every time there is feedback that is critical I take it too personally. I am not really sure. However I just do! I like to think of myself of a rather humble person that can take advice and apply it. However, this critical feedback on papers and other assignments is hard for me to swallow. I try my hardest every time. So perhaps when I get that critical feedback it makes me question my ability.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Okay, how do I use that information to do better next time?" When I was grad student I had to "guide and counsel" undergrads. I'd tell them "first drafts rarely get published."

[no one]

If the feedback isn't degrading or demeaning, and it is just some pointers by someone with more experience, take it as such, and continue on.
I realize it is easier said than done, nobody appreciates being told their hard work isn't as favorable as they thought it was. Life is a learning undertaking. Take the advice of those that have walked that trek first.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Academically, I always looked on critical feedback at an attempt to help me do better at whatever it was.  The person criticizing your work is on your side.  It helps to remember that.

Boru

[brewer]

You son of a bitch, I've had it with you. I'll get even when you least expect it.






























But seriously, just take your lumps. You'll be better for it, I always was.

[Fireball]

Right now I am in Grad school. I am doing just fine. 3.45 GPA. However despite getting A's on 99% of my assignments it seems every time there is feedback that is critical I take it too personally. I am not really sure. However I just do! I like to think of myself of a rather humble person that can take advice and apply it. However, this critical feedback on papers and other assignments is hard for me to swallow. I try my hardest every time. So perhaps when I get that critical feedback it makes me question my ability.

When I went to the university to study physics, I had the idea that I could do better than Einstein with the GToR. It took one semester for me to realize my error. I'd like to think that the people who grade your papers are doing it with the proper methods. I know that it was easy for me to see the error of my ways with physics, because the theory is there, pretty much black and white, at the undergrad level. What is your field of study? Is there a little wiggle room for interpretation in your work? I know with mine, if I did an integral wrong, it was wrong, no bones about it.

[copiedusername]

Right now I am in Grad school. I am doing just fine. 3.45 GPA. However despite getting A's on 99% of my assignments it seems every time there is feedback that is critical I take it too personally. I am not really sure. However I just do! I like to think of myself of a rather humble person that can take advice and apply it. However, this critical feedback on papers and other assignments is hard for me to swallow. I try my hardest every time. So perhaps when I get that critical feedback it makes me question my ability.

When I went to the university to study physics, I had the idea that I could do better than Einstein with the GToR. It took one semester for me to realize my error. I'd like to think that the people who grade your papers are doing it with the proper methods. I know that it was easy for me to see the error of my ways with physics, because the theory is there, pretty much black and white, at the undergrad level. What is your field of study? Is there a little wiggle room for interpretation in your work? I know with mine, if I did an integral wrong, it was wrong, no bones about it.

I'm in Mental Health. Also what recently sparked these feelings was a paper I turned in. I got a 95% on it. However the professor marked me up on grammar. But what bothers me is I ran it through grammarly and even had my Dad review it as well.

I wasn't a very good student coming out of high school. In fact I barely got by in community college. However at University things for some reason just started to click for me. I started getting B's which turned into A's. So maybe when I get negative feed back it brings me back to the days when I always felt like the stupid one in the class.

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"Okay, how do I use that information to do better next time?" When I was grad student I had to "guide and counsel" undergrads. I'd tell them "first drafts rarely get published."

That is a good way of applying it!

[Ranjr]

There's nothing wrong with taking criticism personally.  Sometimes it is and others it isn't.  Call it how it looks.  Weigh the comment for future improvement and decide where it fits in your plan.  Try to not let it distract you.

Congratulations on the 95.  If I saw three A papers out of a class of 25, I would use grammar to rank them.  You're kicking ass so don't worry about it.

[copiedusername]

There's nothing wrong with taking criticism personally.  Sometimes it is and others it isn't.  Call it how it looks.  Weigh the comment for future improvement and decide where it fits in your plan.  Try to not let it distract you.

Congratulations on the 95.  If I saw three A papers out of a class of 25, I would use grammar to rank them.  You're kicking ass so don't worry about it.

Thanks, I really appreciate that. You make a good point with regards to using it for the future.

[mordant]

Right now I am in Grad school. I am doing just fine. 3.45 GPA. However despite getting A's on 99% of my assignments it seems every time there is feedback that is critical I take it too personally. I am not really sure. However I just do! I like to think of myself of a rather humble person that can take advice and apply it. However, this critical feedback on papers and other assignments is hard for me to swallow. I try my hardest every time. So perhaps when I get that critical feedback it makes me question my ability.

Are you perhaps conflating constructive criticism with invalidation of your hard work? Doing lots of work and getting a high GPA doesn't exempt you from critical feedback, nor does critical feedback render what you did right pointless. "I try my hardest every time" tells me this might be the case. That you try hard always is not relevant to whether you could improve. You're doing your best work; it maybe could be better still, but getting straight A's is still extremely impressive and so there's clearly no reason to "doubt yourself" or let anyone cast doubt upon you.

Of course then there's the question of whether the feedback is valid or not. Or whether it's constructive or not. But those are separate questions. You sound like you don't want to be criticized at all if your grades are good.

Is this coming from professors or graduate assistants? Sometimes especially the latter don't feel they're doing their job if they don't find some way to have a comment. So their criticisms may be overdetermined. I get a lot of that at work; I can do heroic coding that does impossible things and saves the day and yet the instant I do that it's the new normal and someone will wonder if it couldn't be improved or could have taken less time or whatever. I barely notice it anymore, after over 30 years of it happening. Sometimes management just has to urinate on everything to mark territory. Sometimes people are just thinking out loud. Most of the time it's not nearly so personal as one could maybe take it.