Murphy’s Laws

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

We all know the standard one: Anything which can go wrong, WILL go wrong. 

What others have you run across or made up on you own? My personal favourites are the Thee Laws Of Infernal Dynamics:

1. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
2. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
3. The amount of energy required to change either of the states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the project impractical.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Bob's law:

1. All it takes is for one idiot to do something stupid and all the other idiots will follow.

[polymath257]

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage.

Toast always falls with the buttered side down.

Nothing is fool-proof because fools are so ingenious.

Any fail-safe device will fail to work.

It is impossible to know if you are sane.

Cole's Law: thinly sliced cabbage.

[onlinebiker]

Bob's law:

1.  All it takes is for one idiot to do something stupid and all the other idiots will follow.

Biker's Law

Anyone who thinks conformity is a virtue never heard of lemmings.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Toast always falls with the buttered side down.

This one always struck me as the key to perpetual motion.

Since toast falls with the buttered side down and cats always land on their feet, all you need to do is to tie a slice of buttered toast to the back of a cat (butter side up). You then hold the cat upside down, so the toast is pointing to the floor. When you release the cat, it will attempt to right itself so as to land on its feet. But the toast, obeying the law mentioned above, will use its floor affinity to land butter side down, thus flipping the cat over. And so on and so on. 

Now all I need to do is work out how to plug my television into a mid-air whirling cat/toast matrix. Once I’ve got that sorted, I’ll make a fortune.

Boru

[Sal]

Toast always falls with the buttered side down.

This one always struck me as the key to perpetual motion.

Since toast fall with the buttered side down and cats always land on their feet, all you need to do is to tie a slice of buttered toast to the back of a cat (butter side up). You then hold the cat upside down, so the toast is pointing to the floor. When you release the cat, it will attempt to right itself so advise to land on its feet. But the toast, obeying the law mentioned above, will use its floor affinity to land butter side down, thus flipping the cat over. And so on and so on. 

Now all I need to do is work out how to plug my television into a mid-air whirling cat/toast matrix. Once I’ve got that sorted, I’ll make a fortune.

Boru

Why not just butter both sides of the toast?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Bob's law:

1.  All it takes is for one idiot to do something stupid and all the other idiots will follow.

Biker's Law

Anyone who thinks conformity is a virtue never heard of lemmings.

Addendum: If you have to lay your motorcycle down, make every effort to throw yourself under the bike. Skin grows back, bike parts cost money.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

This one always struck me as the key to perpetual motion.

Since toast fall with the buttered side down and cats always land on their feet, all you need to do is to tie a slice of buttered toast to the back of a cat (butter side up). You then hold the cat upside down, so the toast is pointing to the floor. When you release the cat, it will attempt to right itself so advise to land on its feet. But the toast, obeying the law mentioned above, will use its floor affinity to land butter side down, thus flipping the cat over. And so on and so on. 

Now all I need to do is work out how to plug my television into a mid-air whirling cat/toast matrix. Once I’ve got that sorted, I’ll make a fortune.

Boru

Why not just butter both sides of the toast?

Because cats need something to do. Duh.

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

The odds of visitors arriving is equal to the need for leaving.

Nobody ever "told you so" until long after they should have told you so.

Whatever you're looking for is in the place you would have looked next if you hadn't given up.

[chimp3]

We all know the standard one: Anything which can go wrong, WILL go wrong. 

What others have you run across or made up on you own? My personal favourites are the Thee Laws Of Infernal Dynamics:

1. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
2. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
3. The amount of energy required to change either of the states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the project impractical.

Boru

I was a member of a restaurant association in the '80s. One thing they did was have a monthly meeting in one of the members establishment with a speaker of interest. One month the topic was "You can't manage a crisis". You end the crisis then start managing again. The speaker was Murphy of Murphy's Law. (When my life becomes chaotic I attribute it to shaking hands with Murphy.) He told the story of how he was directing the most expensive single scientific experiment at that time. I think it was around $185,000. A jet engine on a track in the desert with sensors along the track to measure velocity. It was a one shot deal, no second chance. Everything was a go. The engine shot down the track and nothing. A single wire from the sensors was not connected and no readings were obtained. Murphy said that in his summary he stated "If it's possible it will happen". He said the first media reports said he wrote "If it can go wrong it will". The first example of Murphy's Law. This meeting was in Scottsdale Arizona. He was a local. It was fun to have bagels and coffee with Murphy himself.