Murphy’s Laws

[brewer]

Something is going wrong.

[Fireball]

Something is going wrong.

What a fucking stooge! I know a guy who used to reload his own ammo. I wasn't at the range either time it happened, but the first time he had a Fail To Fire, he looked down the barrel. The RSO was ALL over his ass. He claimed that he was "just looking from the side". The second time he did it, (a different day) the RSO kicked him off the range and his name was put in their data base as "no longer welcome".

And (sort of) BoT:

The Rime of the Ancient Engineer


Far up on Mount Olympus, at the smithy of the gods
Haephestos, crippled engineer picked up his measuring rods.
He checked and rechecked the sizes of his mold
Then quickly poured the melt inside and watched 'til it was cold.


And when he took the mold apart and brushed away the sand
He saw two dozen figures there he'd made by his own hand:
Two dozen elves, immortal, just as specified by Zeus
He'd program them with RNA and then he'd turn them loose.


Two dozen elves on schedule, and exactly as designed
Technicians skilled in systems, helping new worlds to unwind
The nomenclature for the gnomes? “Some fragrance”, Zeus prefered
Rose water wasn't apropos, and so he called them “Myrrh”.


Myrrh-Alpha was the first one through, he programmed in it's Duty:
“I've optimized your circuits for the great design of beauty”
Myrrh -Beta he programmed for Love,
Myrrh-Gamma for the Arts
And so on through the Alpha-Bet each Myrrh-thing took a part
But as he neared the final Myrrhs a sound rang in his shed
The bell from Aphrodite's room was triggered by her bed
He thundered up Olympus' slope and caught her there with Mars
The fight they had made planets flip and super-novaed stars
The battle reached a standstill, and Haephestos came back down
He finished up the last four Myrrhs, his face set in a frown
So thus from Mount Olympus flew two dozen Myrrhs in all
To aid Mankind and help the Earth. They had the wherewithal.


Myrrh-Alpha made the sunset red
Myrrh-Beta worked out sex
Myrrh-Gamma spelled out artists,
Myrrh-Delta architects
Myrrh-Epsilon made medicine, Myrrh-Zet' Biology
Myrrh-Eta Culinary arts, Myrrh-Thet', Theology
To every craft and past-time, a Deific Myrrh adhered
And everything went smoothly 'til it came to Engineers
The Myrrh made when the fight began had stayed to warm too long
Haephestos' hate when finishing made other things go wrong
For this Myrrh-thing began to think, to plan and analyze
Its brethren Myrrhs went blindly on, but this one got too wise
“I am”, it said, “Therefor I think, and that's a Hellish note
“I'll formulate and specify”. And this is what he wrote-
“No blindly driven robot I, though Gods themselves may panic,
“I'll institute Impedance here, and that's Thermodynamics
“Rule one (I say it must be so) What comes out must go in
“Rule two, you always lose a bit, no way to ever win
“And then I opt for Entropy, so everything runs down
“You have to work to keep thing up, or else wise you'll lose ground
“To maximize this well-run Earth and keep my good relations
“I'll give mankind a little hint: Look for max-well equations”
So on and on the Chaos came, a veritable fount
Until the other Myrrh-things called Haephestos from the Mount
Haephestos, that sad and crippled giant, He sighed at what he saw
But said, “There's not a warranty, although I note the flaw
“I do not like this Thermo-thing, or other Laws I see
“And man will curse this Myrrh-thing to the end of eternity
“But the race of man and you other Myrrhs must pay the price because
“Of the Patron Myrrh of the Engineers, you're stuck with Myrrh-Phi's Laws!”

[onlinebiker]

Biker's Law

Anyone who thinks conformity is a virtue never heard of lemmings.

Addendum: If you have to lay your motorcycle down, make every effort to throw yourself under the bike. Skin grows back, bike parts cost money.

Boru

Nobody ever "laid a bike down".

They are just embarrased that they fell off.

[arewethereyet]

That random cord, cable, adapter, widget, etc. that you finally threw away because you haven't needed it in forever and aren't sure what it goes to any more will be the exact item you need within 12 hours of the garbage man hauling off the trash.

[Fireball]

Addendum: If you have to lay your motorcycle down, make every effort to throw yourself under the bike. Skin grows back, bike parts cost money.

Boru

Nobody ever "laid a bike down".

They are just embarrased that they fell off.

I slid off the road after hitting a patch of sand on a curve taken above the speed limit. When I went over the edge of the road, I jumped off. As I slid face down along the embankment my only thought was, "Where is my motorcycle?", because the last thing I wanted was to be run over by my own machine. Turns out the left handlebar dug into the dirt. It was still running when I picked it up and was struggling up the embankment when some people I had recently passed were gracious enough to stop and help me back to the road. Not sure I would have gotten the bike out alone. Harleys are kind of heavy. And tough. Even though the handlebars were bent, the clutch lever and the brake still worked, so I rode it home with my left side handlebar pointing at me. All it took to fix was putting a foot at the fork and pulling the handle bar almost into shape. I sold it that way when I joined the Navy. As for skin, I was lucky that I had a face bubble, or I might have had to get a job scaring little kids more so than I already do.

[The Valkyrie]

I could show you the scars where I came off my bike.

[Silver]

The Law of Riot: May the fierce be with you.

[zebo-the-fat]

I could show you the scars where I came off my bike.

Pics!

[The Valkyrie]

I could show you the scars where I came off my bike.

Pics!

They're in A69.

[Draconic Aiur]

I was on a boat called Murphy's Law. It was a fishing boat and I didn't catch any fish.