Why Why?

[Astreja]

Why would I even care about having visitors at that age? Or any age, really.

Friendship and association with other humans is an evolved trait. Due to our lack of natural weaponry such as sharp teeth and claws, if humans hadn't banded together into clans and practiced cooperative strategies we probably wouldn't have survived to the present day.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Why would I even care about having visitors at that age? Or any age, really.

Friendship and association with other humans is an evolved trait.  Due to our lack of natural weaponry such as sharp teeth and claws, if humans hadn't banded together into clans and practiced cooperative strategies we probably wouldn't have survived to the present day.

 The bloke is stunningly tone deaf.

I'm 74 and have been living alone for about 30 years. That's statement of fact, not a complaint. Solitude is not the same as loneliness...In any case there are many things worse than loneliness.

I can assure anyone, that human contact remains vitally important as we age. 

Why one should care?   It's been documented that single people have a lower life expectancy than people who are married or in a long term relationship. IMO, that's enough in itself if one is especially shallow.

I have my men's group once fortnight. Apart from shop keepers, that is the only direct human contact I have. My fault entirely; I have the social skills of a comatose chicken. Unfortunately for me, I'm  a hard person to be around.


After all that, it's only from other people that we get what I think are the most important things in life: Love.  By that I mean having others to love and to feel loved. To put this in context ;" marriage is 97% conversation" (Oscar Wilde)

[Ahriman]

Indeed, a person with no friends doesn't care whether no one visits.

Not all humans are "social animals", as my psychiatrist calls them. I'm certainly not.

[slartibartfast]

Indeed, a person with no friends doesn't care whether no one visits.

Not all humans are "social animals", as my psychiatrist calls them. I'm certainly not.

And whilst maybe face to face isn't your preferred way of socialising, you clearly value social interaction on this forum, correct?

[The Grand Nudger]

Sure Ahri, there are people who have no friends and no endearing or redeeming qualities with which to make friends anyway.

I suspect that people like these have a much stronger compulsion to invent imaginary ones that not only love them especially...but especially because of all the things about them that have left them friendless to begin with. That's the shape of some peoples "why".

[Ahriman]

Sure Ahri, there are people who have no friends and no endearing or redeeming qualities with which to make friends anyway.  

I suspect that people like these have a much stronger compulsion to invent imaginary ones that not only love them especially...but especially because of all the things about them that have left them friendless to begin with.  That's the shape of some peoples "why".

I just don't have friends because I don't trust people, not because I lack endearing/redeeming qualities.

[The Grand Nudger]

Most people have little interest in a "friend" who can't think of any reason to see them. Friendship implies attachment and a desire to be in another persons presence. Someone should have explained this to you when you were a very small child.

A selfish and self centered person commenting on their complete lack of that while professing to have redeeming or endearing qualities can only be talking about how they feel endeared and redeemed...to themselves. Others may not see you how you see yourself. Add in the not trusting people kicker and you have a description of a friendless asshole who has no friends because they don;t know how to make friends. Who can't connect with other people on shared apprehensions and experiences, like that desire for intimate connection...because they don't have any.

-but don't worry, a special friend in the sky loves you, sees your endearing and redeeming qualities, and thinks that everyone else is [insert a stream of invective here] - just like you. Another poster suggested that you saw social value in this place, in your interaction here. That's the sort of generous assumption a normal person who can't understand why you signed up would make, huh?

[Mister Agenda]

I just don't have friends because I don't trust people, not because I lack endearing/redeeming qualities.

I wish you'd demonstrate some endearing/redeeming qualities here.

[Astreja]

I'm 74 and have been living alone for about 30 years. That's statement of fact, not a complaint. Solitude is not the same as loneliness...In any case there are many things worse than loneliness.

After spending over 35 years in long-term relationships and five years sharing my home with my late mother, it was a breath of fresh air to suddenly become an "independent contractor" for the first time in my life. I do share my home with my adult daughter, but that's a much more casual setup. She has one entire floor of the house to herself, and helps with cooking and occasional "Help me carry this thing up the stairs, please" tasks. She also house-sits when I travel.

Although I value my alone time, I am definitely not a recluse. I go to the office most days rather than working from home. I love playing in bands and regularly hang out in person or online with astronomers and writers. Once in a while I sign up for a fitness class. I also enjoy going to coffee shops, doing my writing as I listen to the murmur of conversation. Having no human contact at all would put me into a very weird, potentially damaging mental space.

[The Grand Nudger]

Imagine some insufferable person...and then wonder if all of the insufferable things they do are examples of what they believe to be endearing or redeeming about themselves in light of their beliefs about the meaning of it all, the why of whys.

That they seek endearment, and seek redemption, and even seek a meaningful relationship...just not from anyone that they're interacting with. Just one of the many ways in which our answers to the whys are consequential. When people ask about our whys we're telling them about ourselves and we're very real and very effective actors in mere reality - and that's why..I think...regardless of any answer to the accuracy of those answers....we're compelled to answer those questions for ourselves..and catalogue the answers of those around us.

If you ask somebody why we're here and they say rape and pillage - you make a mental note. So on and so forth all the way down to minor irritants and back up the scale from normal to wonderful people. If you want to exert a little bodily autonomy..or even just hold out the possibility that you could someday - having no intention at present and perhaps even being uncomfortable with the idea...then you don't surround yourself and cram the halls of authority with evangelicals, for example. You know who to avoid the very second they get to their explanation of why all of this exists...which will eventually burst forth from them whether anyone wants to hear it or not.