You know why Heaven has gates?

[Cinjin]

Yesterday, I was lightly debating an aquaintance of mine about Heaven. I of couse feel that Heaven (according to the Bible) is a ludicrous idea and he obviously believed that Heaven is a very real place where a soul goes to spend eternity provided he or she has payed the proper homage to Jesus Christ.

What amused me the most about his argument was his continued use of the phrase, "the pearly gates". i.e. "getting through the pearly gates", "when I stand at the pearly gates", "you're gonna be wishing you were on the inside of those pearly gates with me" ... and well, you get the idea.

I ask you - Why the hell does HEAVEN need to be a gated community??!? Are people sneaking in? Is Heaven in a bad neighborhood? Do all religions have gates and/or metal detectors at their entrances to their blissful afterlife???

Anyone?

Better yet, if the Bible says, "...the dead in Christ shall rise first" (which it does) when Jesus returns for the rapture in the sky, than are all these dead souls meandoring around outside the Pearly Gates waitin to get in????
That's gotta suck, loitering at the Pearly Gates for 2000 years now!

Anyone at all???

[KichigaiNeko]

Reminds me of the old joke (modified version)

Atheist dies and to his suprise finds himself in Heaven being greeted by none other than St Peter.

"Welcome mate, Would you like a tour of the place??"

"Sure" says the Atheist, still somewhat bemused

"Over here we have the Kiddies Creche; and here we have the Jewish sector, Over there is the Islamic sector (I keep telling them that they don't NEED the sand...but hey) Over here we have the Hindu sector ..."

At which point the atheist stops St Peter with a question...."Look this is all very nice but I can't help noticing that we have been walking along a wall. Just what is over on the other side...the atheist secctor??"

"Oh bless you no" says St Peter "That's the Christian sector....they think they are the only ones up here"

[Dotard]

And that one reminds me of one:

TackAttack passes on and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. Instead of ol' St. Peter, God himself greets Tacky.

Tacky is overwhelmed by this personal greeting and damn near faints when God asks Tacky if he would join him for dinner.

Tacky is elated and meets God at the appointed time. Tacky joins God sitting on a cloud and notices they have a good view of Hell. God pulls out a can of tuna and some crackers. While munching on his T&C Tacky notices the denizens of Hell are chowing on steaks and lobsters. God thanks Tacky and asks if he would join him again tommorrow. Of course Tacky is happy to accept the invitation.

Next day Tacky arrives and God, once again, pulls out the can of tuna and some crackers. Tacky is just happy to be in the presence of God so he doesn't say anything as he notes the Hell bound are having a big buffet spread of the finest meats and stuffs. Again God is pleased and asks Tacky if he'd like dinner with God again the next day. Tacky accepts and meets God the next day.

Can of tuna and crackers as Hell dines on Prime Rib and baked alaska.

Tacky can't take it any more. "God?" Tacky says, "I'm really honored you invite me to eat with you every night, I'm really grateful but I have a question."
"Yes my good and faithful servant, what is it you'd like to ask?" God replies.
"Here in heaven it's been tuna and crackers for dinner, yet all those in Hell have been eating like kings. Why is that?"

"Well Tacky," the Lord says, "It's just too much trouble doing all that cooking just for the two of us."

[DeistPaladin]

Better yet, if the Bible says, "...the dead in Christ shall rise first" (which it does) when Jesus returns for the rapture in the sky, than are all these dead souls meandoring around outside the Pearly Gates waitin to get in????
That's gotta suck, loitering at the Pearly Gates for 2000 years now!

Anyone at all???

Christian theology is a bit muddy on this point. Exactly what happens to the "soul" when we die? Do we immediately go to Heaven/Hell or do we remain dead until the day of resurrection?

Paul, who supposedly wrote the passage you refer to, seemed to feel the dead were "asleep" and that the dead in Christ would be raised on Christ's return.

So no, by the passage you cite, they're not lingering about the gates. They're "asleep" and presumably unaware of the passage of time. Details are sketchy on this point.

[Strongbad]

Obviously, the "pearly" gates are to keep Satan and his minions out of heaven - everyone who is anyone knows that.

The jokes remind me of one that I recently read on Judith Hayes' website:

God is timeless. From the book of Amos, Chapter 6, Verse 12 through 19: “Thus saith the LORD; what troubles thee, Amos? And Amos answered, How long is a million years to you O LORD? And the LORD answered; It is but a minute. And Amos asked, How much is a million dollars to you O LORD? And the LORD answered; It is but a penny. And Amos beseeched the LORD, asking, May I have a penny O LORD? And the LORD answered; Yes, Amos, in a minute.” (KJV)

http://www.thehappyheretic.com/11-10.htm

[Minimalist]

A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman's shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo.

"I do not want to go to heaven", she tells St. Peter. "I'll go to the other place."

"You don't want to go there", he replies. "They rape and sodomize you down there."

"I don't care", she answers. "At least I already have holes for that."

[Zenith]

Yesterday, I was lightly debating an aquaintance of mine about Heaven. I of couse feel that Heaven (according to the Bible) is a ludicrous idea and he obviously believed that Heaven is a very real place where a soul goes to spend eternity provided he or she has payed the proper homage to Jesus Christ.

What amused me the most about his argument was his continued use of the phrase, "the pearly gates". i.e. "getting through the pearly gates", "when I stand at the pearly gates", "you're gonna be wishing you were on the inside of those pearly gates with me" ... and well, you get the idea.

I ask you - Why the hell does HEAVEN need to be a gated community??!? Are people sneaking in? Is Heaven in a bad neighborhood? Do all religions have gates and/or metal detectors at their entrances to their blissful afterlife???

Anyone?

Better yet, if the Bible says, "...the dead in Christ shall rise first" (which it does) when Jesus returns for the rapture in the sky, than are all these dead souls meandoring around outside the Pearly Gates waitin to get in????
That's gotta suck, loitering at the Pearly Gates for 2000 years now!

Anyone at all???

Sincerely, I have no idea when "the gates of heaven" have been invented. I suppose in the middle ages or later. Anyway, the whole concept of "heaven" is understood and preached erroneously (i.e. different than what the bible says about it): e.g. the "heaven" is not "paradise", but the whole spiritual realm; the 'good' people are promised living on a new earth, rather than living in the sky on the clouds, etc.

[Welsh cake]

Christian theology is a bit muddy on this point. Exactly what happens to the "soul" when we die? Do we immediately go to Heaven/Hell or do we remain dead until the day of resurrection?

Very muddled, especially when we take into account they haven't even bothered to define what a soul is, yet believe they have one regardless.

I don't care if Heaven has fancy automatic gates since the state/place hasn't been demonstrated to exist. Likewise, I don't care what the all-powerful giant platypus in the Sun does with its spare time if someone hasn't provided a clear and positive ontology for it first.

Your souls going to Heaven is the egocentric response for people who don't want to death to be end. It's essentially a very sad double tragedy - there's no evidence or valid rational reason to think people live beyond biological death yet some are too immature to accept that as they continue to treat life, and the people in it, as the "door mat before the good life" that never comes.

[Zenith]

I don't care if Heaven has fancy automatic gates since the state/place hasn't been demonstrated to exist.
...
there's no evidence or valid rational reason to think people live beyond biological death

If we're looking for "evidence", then that's a scientific issue: we'll probably have to wait a thousand years and assume that in these years the scientists would be able to create a portal to the other realm, provided that it exists, or somehow get to prove that the other realm does not exist. Likewise, we'll have to wait perhaps a thousand years and assume that in these years the scientists would be able to prove the existence or non-existence of the person beyond biology.

I think this is not a theistic issue, but a scientific issue (i.e. even theists need the science to be able to give the "evidence").

[Autumnlicious]

Why does Heaven have gates? Dear boy, they're there to keep you in.

Heaven - the universal Club Fed.