Really Need to write this out.
July 23, 2023 at 12:36 am
(This post was last modified: July 23, 2023 at 12:42 am by AkiraTheViking.)
Just spent an hour typing this out when my PC decided to bsod right before I was done proof reading and ready to hit post.
So in May of this year, my older brother beat me up. It was bad, had go to the hospital, fill out a police report at the police station the whole 9 yards.There is a case between me and him and unlike America he hasn't seen the end of a prison cell for biting me, slapping, stomping and punching me. All I was doing was protecting my mom from his verbal and metal attacks. And I NEVER touched him. It was all verbal on my end. I wish I could go into details and will after the case but he has always been phiscally, emotionally and mentally abusive towards me.
So the case is this Thursday and he's been doing things to try to sabotage it. In the middle of last week he told my mom to tell me he's cutting me off from the internet. The case is online. Had to scamble to find a provider so Friday, me and my mom went looking, no luck. After that, a combination of the weight of the case, having no internet for the case, reliving the ordeal, worrying about no one hiring me and worring about a failing harddrive, my depression came back. And for the 1st time in a long time I self harmed. Though I was listening to metal on my headphones and the music helped me not to continue to do more.
Yesterday (Saturday) morning I was still feeling shitty and more tired than usual. I was still depressed so after breakfast I listened to some metal on my headphones and was feeling better. I was even able to get an internet provider. Their package was 6mb for $22USD a month. So it came time for me to come out of my room to go and bathe. And the path I have to walk to go to the stairs to go to the bathroom is literally infront of where my brother plays loud music on his shitty sound bar (seriously fuck whomever invented that thing) in the upstairs living room. Normally I wear earplugs to protect my hearing but becuase I was going to bathe, they would get wet and not work anymore. So I put my fingers in my ears. He started arguing to my mom about it saying: "The police told him not to provoke me" (they told the both of us not to provoke each other) "I have no freedom in the house" (he literally plays that thing whole day and night at volume 80) "block the path from his room so I don't have to see him put his fingers in his ears.
Instead of taking the bait me, with the help of my mom, moved all of my stuff from my room to the Puja (prayer) room downstairs and all the prayer stuff in my room. So now my room is downstairs. And honestly I'm glad. I can say out of his path and I can have the freedom to move. It was a very labourous task. We started at lunch and finished just before dinner. It just sucks that after going through hell and almost "saying goodbye" Friday I was able to pull through the next day, only for him to trigger my anxiety a few minuites later. Peace never lasts long.
It's just too much stress. I've been dealing with this shit since I was born. I don't know how long I can last. I hope we get through with the case and he's out of our lives for good.
So in May of this year, my older brother beat me up. It was bad, had go to the hospital, fill out a police report at the police station the whole 9 yards.There is a case between me and him and unlike America he hasn't seen the end of a prison cell for biting me, slapping, stomping and punching me. All I was doing was protecting my mom from his verbal and metal attacks. And I NEVER touched him. It was all verbal on my end. I wish I could go into details and will after the case but he has always been phiscally, emotionally and mentally abusive towards me.
So the case is this Thursday and he's been doing things to try to sabotage it. In the middle of last week he told my mom to tell me he's cutting me off from the internet. The case is online. Had to scamble to find a provider so Friday, me and my mom went looking, no luck. After that, a combination of the weight of the case, having no internet for the case, reliving the ordeal, worrying about no one hiring me and worring about a failing harddrive, my depression came back. And for the 1st time in a long time I self harmed. Though I was listening to metal on my headphones and the music helped me not to continue to do more.
Yesterday (Saturday) morning I was still feeling shitty and more tired than usual. I was still depressed so after breakfast I listened to some metal on my headphones and was feeling better. I was even able to get an internet provider. Their package was 6mb for $22USD a month. So it came time for me to come out of my room to go and bathe. And the path I have to walk to go to the stairs to go to the bathroom is literally infront of where my brother plays loud music on his shitty sound bar (seriously fuck whomever invented that thing) in the upstairs living room. Normally I wear earplugs to protect my hearing but becuase I was going to bathe, they would get wet and not work anymore. So I put my fingers in my ears. He started arguing to my mom about it saying: "The police told him not to provoke me" (they told the both of us not to provoke each other) "I have no freedom in the house" (he literally plays that thing whole day and night at volume 80) "block the path from his room so I don't have to see him put his fingers in his ears.
Instead of taking the bait me, with the help of my mom, moved all of my stuff from my room to the Puja (prayer) room downstairs and all the prayer stuff in my room. So now my room is downstairs. And honestly I'm glad. I can say out of his path and I can have the freedom to move. It was a very labourous task. We started at lunch and finished just before dinner. It just sucks that after going through hell and almost "saying goodbye" Friday I was able to pull through the next day, only for him to trigger my anxiety a few minuites later. Peace never lasts long.
It's just too much stress. I've been dealing with this shit since I was born. I don't know how long I can last. I hope we get through with the case and he's out of our lives for good.
![[Image: 6QOh5df.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/6QOh5df.jpg)
Unfortunately you can't do this kinda case privately in our country. It has to be government operated all the way. So far me and my mom are ok.
