[Serious] comforting the dying

[ColeDavis]

I am an atheist and so is my dying friend. Is there any advice out there about comforting people in this situation? Other people apparently visit him but skirt around his
illness and his impending death, so he particularly asks to see or speak to me.

I apologise if this has appeared before, or is in the wrong forum; please let me know.

[FrustratedFool]

I honestly don't know.

Atheists often seem to comfort themselves/others regarding death by noting that you won't be there to experience the sense of loss or any suffering. Personally, I find that cold comfort.

I tend to hold-out the outrageous hope that given an advanced enough level of science and technology, and a deterministic universe, everything in the past (and future) should in theory be calculable from present conditions. As such, your friend could be perfectly cloned down to their very brain chemistry and 'resurrected' in some utopian future age, where you get to live forever. I think that's about as good a version of the scientific afterlife as you can get. An outside hope, I guess (though perhaps a good reason to help humanity survive and progress even from an entirely selfish POV).

I can't really offer anything else. Death sucks.

[arewethereyet]

I am sorry to hear about your friend's situation.

Let the friend lead the conversation. Let it happen organically. Perhaps your presence is welcome because you aren't trying to pretend what's happening isn't happening. Ask your friend how you can help...what would they like to do/talk about.

There's no script.

[Fake Messiah]

I don't know what you are aiming at with this topic. Is it the question of the afterlife? You don't have to believe in any god to believe in an afterlife. There are godless ideas of the afterlife like in the movies "Beetlejuice" and "Defending Your Life" - they are as likely and as credible as the afterlife found in the Bible, Koran, Illiad, and other mythological books. I even heard that Tarantino believes in reincarnation although he is an atheist.

But I also have not noticed that the belief in the afterlife brings significant solace to religious people who are mortally ill. They even seem more disturbed as they fear that they will go to hell.

[FrustratedFool]

I don't know what you are aiming at with this topic. Is it the question of the afterlife? You don't have to believe in any god to believe in an afterlife. There are godless ideas of the afterlife like in the movies "Beetlejuice" and "Defending Your Life" - they are as likely and as credible as the afterlife found in the Bible, Koran, Illiad, and other mythological books. I even heard that Tarantino believes in reincarnation although he is an atheist.

But I also have not noticed that the belief in the afterlife brings significant solace to religious people who are mortally ill. They even seem more disturbed as they fear that they will go to hell.

I guess ultra-universalism is the best form of the afterlife one can hope for.

[ColeDavis]

I don't know what you are aiming at with this topic. Is it the question of the afterlife? You don't have to believe in any god to believe in an afterlife. There are godless ideas of the afterlife like in the movies "Beetlejuice" and "Defending Your Life" - they are as likely and as credible as the afterlife found in the Bible, Koran, Illiad, and other mythological books. I even heard that Tarantino believes in reincarnation although he is an atheist.

But I also have not noticed that the belief in the afterlife brings significant solace to religious people who are mortally ill. They even seem more disturbed as they fear that they will go to hell.

No, we are both atheists, not looking for pseudo-religions, spirits in the sky, etc. Just dealing with death, is all. My own take on an after-life, if it really does matter, is that for a while we have an impact on the world we leave, our actions in particular.  As for Tarantino, I don't give a monkey's about his views.

[brewer]

Hi Cole, you and your friend have my sympathies.

I'd just be as honest and open with them as I could be. If their thinking and talking about their death talk with them about it and how you feel. If they are remembering the past then bring up both the good and bad times. Crying, cry with them....... laughing, laugh with them. However, I know that some people go very dark when they know that their death is near. Try not to go down that rabbit hole, I don't think that helps any involved.

It sounds like this is your last chance to keep your connection and celebrate their life, make the most of it that you can.

Best wishes.

[pocaracas]

Try to make something up

[ColeDavis]

Try to make something up

Try to write an appropriate response. Alternatively, take a running jump.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Hiya Cole. I sure am sorry you're going through this. As noted above, be honest and empathetic, and I'd add be inside the moment.