the cruise ship goes down

[dr. underhill]

and a christian is the only survivor. clinging to wreckage he finally washes up on a deserted island. the first thing he does is build a bonfire that he can light if a rescue seems possible. seven long years go by, and finally he spots a ship in the distance. he lights the fire and at first it seems that it has not been spotted. but then the ship changes course to the island, drops anchor, and sends a boat. overjoyed he wades into the surf greeting his rescuers- "i am saved after seven years. i thought i would die alone on this island." one of his rescuers looks around noticing several huts. "you say you're alone here?" "Yes! totally alone for all these years." "Then what are all these huts for?" "Well, this one in front in my main hut. that's where i sleep. and the one behind that is my workshop where i have built everything you see. the one on that rise over there is my church where i go to worship god." and pointing his thumb over his shoulder at the last hut "and that's where i Used to go to church"

[Fake Messiah]

"And one hut is an abortion clinic where I stand for hours every day as a protest."

"And one hut is a mosque which I occasionally destroy in the crusades."

"And one hut is filled with neatly arranged leaves that represent books which I occasionally ban and burn."

[A. Secular Human]

Before the ship showed up, one day, a beautiful curvaceous woman in a wetsuit swims up, walks on shore, and introduces herself to the cast away.

As they sit around the fire that the man started by rubbing dry sticks together, the woman unzips the wetsuit to her collar bone, reaches inside, and pulls out a lighter.  She says "I bet you could use this", as she hands it to the man.  He gladly accepts it.

The woman then unzips the wetsuit further, down to between her ample breasts, reaches inside and pulls out a multi-purpose knife, and offers it to the man.  He says "Thank You!", and gladly accept it.

Then the woman unzips the wetsuit down to below her navel, exposing the entirety of her bosoms, and asks the man "Would you like to play around?"

The man responds "You have a set of golf clubs in there?"