Fear After Leaving?

[PhCritique]

Religion occupied a lot of head space throughout my life. The clues and hints from religions outside of Christianity were always present in my child hood. Learning about each of them didn't bother me because it counted as diversity. But hearing individuals share their beliefs or theories on souls, heaven and the like left a lasting impression. Why would adults share their unsupported claims of the supernatural (with children)?

I've heard many wild claims. Most were shared in a classroom by professionals. Understanding that they were fed those same beliefs somewhat helps but there's still a nagging shame for being naive and a haunting sense of guilt for denying what's been claimed to exist for our salvation (Whatever that means). 

I'm not sure what this feeling is but it's consuming and twisting my stomach. It's complicated. My routine was attending an evangelical church every Sunday. Despite their dogma and conservative views, I found some purpose even though they're certainly false. I don't miss emulating their behaviors, but I do miss being around them. If the interactions I've had with them were performances instead of real then I'd feel worse. But they weren't. They were real people to me.

The beliefs are unsupported.

The magical thinking shifted my anxieties and worries. But now, all the effort in private prayers seem like wasted time. I know that activity can easily help, but my emotions are overwhelming. All that time was wasted trying to become another evangelist. 

Being a decent person doesn't require fairy tales or fears of eternal doom. Now that I'm out, fear alone is biting my rear.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Sounds like you really want to re-join your church.

Boru

[Thumpalumpacus]

I was afraid at first. It lasted about a year. Deprogramming isn't easy, but it is worthwhile.

[brewer]

You might want to consider addressing your 'anxieties and worries' rather than escape back to the religious world. Sounds like therapy might be an option.

You could even make threads here addressing specifics and seeking solutions.

[Angrboda]

Have you considered a less toxic religion?

[Fireball]

Just remember that you've been programmed to fear. For instance, a lot of people are terrified of Hell. But many religions don't have that concept. Which one is right?  You can search the history of Hell and see that the concepts have evolved over time.

[HappySkeptic]

Religion indoctrinates fear of judgment for non-belief. It fades over time.

I felt a sense of relief when I gave up pretending to believe. If you don't feel the same, perhaps you still have some beliefs?

If you still find the personal interactions of church worthwhile, find a church that suits your needs (or other organization). I'm a Unitarian Universalist. It definitely isn't for everyone, but it is good for me. I enjoy the social nature of church, and the time to ponder big questions. I find that things like thankfulness, self-improvement, community, and other aspects of church are useful to me.

But fear of judgment - nope. Forgiveness? Perhaps, but that is about forgiving myself and trying to do better, not getting a magical pass from a deity.

[The Grand Nudger]

I'll never forget the moment I realized that people really believed all this stuff. Talk about fear.

[Mister Agenda]

Religion occupied a lot of head space throughout my life. The clues and hints from religions outside of Christianity were always present in my child hood. Learning about each of them didn't bother me because it counted as diversity. But hearing individuals share their beliefs or theories on souls, heaven and the like left a lasting impression. Why would adults share their unsupported claims of the supernatural (with children)?

I've heard many wild claims. Most were shared in a classroom by professionals. Understanding that they were fed those same beliefs somewhat helps but there's still a nagging shame for being naive and a haunting sense of guilt for denying what's been claimed to exist for our salvation (Whatever that means). 

I'm not sure what this feeling is but it's consuming and twisting my stomach. It's complicated. My routine was attending an evangelical church every Sunday. Despite their dogma and conservative views, I found some purpose even though they're certainly false. I don't miss emulating their behaviors, but I do miss being around them. If the interactions I've had with them were performances instead of real then I'd feel worse. But they weren't. They were real people to me.

The beliefs are unsupported.

The magical thinking shifted my anxieties and worries. But now, all the effort in private prayers seem like wasted time. I know that activity can easily help, but my emotions are overwhelming. All that time was wasted trying to become another evangelist. 

Being a decent person doesn't require fairy tales or fears of eternal doom. Now that I'm out, fear alone is biting my rear.

I was also raised in an Evangelical Church (Assembly of God on my mother's side, United Pentecostal on my father's). I never doubted the existence of God until I read the Bible cover-to-cover, and even then I was more of the opinion that there was a God, but the writers of the Bible weren't really in contact with it. Eventually I became more skeptical of a lot of things and learned there were natural explanations for the existence of earth, nature, and the universe; and my residual belief faded.

I had some fear about being wrong and going to hell for not quelling my doubts, but that faded too, in a year or so. I think you'll find that your fear goes away too. I find most any theological claim not to not only be implausible, but unbelievable, and it's strange to think I ever found them convicing at all.

[PhCritique]

Sounds like you really want to re-join your church.

Boru

 
If I were to share my recent 'feelings' with them, that'll be a huge mistake. It be like giving them the keys to my car. Returning is literally going backwards. I appreciate truth and science.

Thanks everyone. Your insights are more practical than the alternative. 

If I weren't all in as an evangelist, Universalism would be a fair option. 

Atheism would be far less confusing for me. My past includes false equivalencies between a god and personal desires. Logically, my identity or upbringing has nothing to do with the planet's or the universe's origins. No wonder I'm feeling this way. Like god, feelings aren't real. We are real. Actions are real.

Everyone's feedback is appreciated.