My conversion was from the lutheran Missouri synod sect of christianity to agnostic atheism. I don't know if I have an interesting story or not, from what I know so far, it's somewhat common. I was raised in church schools where they taught creationism, we had to wear uniforms, we were discouraged from interacting with the opposite sex (let alone the same sex), we had to go to church services every day in the gym and we prayed very often. We were encouraged to help get george bush elected when he was running and we were told what god thought of the current hot button political issues. The music we were allowed to listen to sucked, even acdc was too much for most parents.
So I'll explain what I believed, what caused me to doubt it and where I am now.
The verses that I clung to were the ones that made me feel good, that made me feel like I had a purpose and direction. I felt like god thought of me and put me into his plan when he started everything. I thought I was a sinner no matter what I did and tried my damnedest to follow god's will. I thought my purpose was to help bring about the second coming of jesus by helping "every knee bow" and all that. Spreading the good word and making fishers of men. So I guess I was a run of the mill christian in those ways. Where I differed was that I was one of those kids who took everything seriously. I thought the bible was god's perfect book that everyone should read, understand and follow. I used to go to the youth service at church, I was the church sponsored boy scout troop for a while, I was active in church activities like building and being on a float in the 4th of july parade. My family housed and still houses church equipment since the church doesn't have a building yet and is renting a high school. My family and I were hardcore into the watered down version of christianity that we believed in. That's exactly the problem though.
Here's part one of what screwed me up majorly. "You shall not covet thy neighbor", "Go forth and be fruitful and multiply". To me I was a sinner for being attracted to the opposite sex (I later accepted I was bisexual). Those paraphrased verses (along with others I have forgotten) alienated me from the opposite sex. I was attracted to girls but never developed any real relationships with them. I thought girls who tried to talk to me wanted to have sex with me so I rejected them thinking they were whores. The schools and churches separated boys and girls so I felt justified at the time. At the time when I had to memorize bible verses and study the "science" of creationism though this stuff was serious, it was heaven or hell to me. If I was promiscuous then I'd deviate from the path of jesus and I'd go to hell. You know, slippery slope.
Part two of why I've been socially stunted is that because I took the bible so literally, I judged and avoided people besides those of the opposite sex. I avoided people once I learned they didn't believe in god or creationism, I avoided people who had "relationships" in elementary, middle and early high school. I avoided people who didn't "seem like real christians". To this day I'm not really sure why I isolated myself so much and was so judgmental. It was a wasted childhood mostly, luckily I'm still young so I have time to figure out what I want to do and move towards that. I guess I was afraid of deviating from god so I isolated myself from regular kids and their heathen rituals like spin the bottle.
I have since learned otherwise and am ashamed of the judgmental hermit that was me as a child. Either way I'm still socially stunted because of christianity. I won't blame christianity for everything but it certainly helped justify if not encourage my behavior. So now I will go into what shook my faith and what finally helped me leave it.
I think like every person of any faith I always had my doubts. How can you not doubt noah's ark story, knowing of the dinosaurs or even one man building a boat for 2 of every kind? Adam and eve's story was hard to believe too, and it was hard to believe that both happened as a plan. Admittedly I was like many christians, I took what I was taught and didn't go much farther than that. What really got me though was revelations. The stories of dragons and beasts emerging from the earth at the apocalypse, the wars and suffering that were yet to happen and at the end of it jesus would come and only take believers? Which believers? How do you know exactly whom believes the right things? I was a lutheran, but my dad used to be a catholic. Were all lutheran's going to heaven, or only catholics? What about the jews who I didn't know much about? Questions sprouted from there and from then on I was a little more than doubtful of the bible. I tried to justify the weird stories later by looking at them as metaphors and the work of horribly sinful humans. I later learned of the many mistranslations, misunderstandings, edits and council changes of the bible, that put an end to my trust in the bible.
After my trust in the bible was effectively gone, prayer fell apart in short order. Both my parents had bad injuries in one year at the same time on top of my mom's alcoholism. My mom has degenerative disk disease and she waited years before she had surgery where she had many disks fused. Before the surgery she was on powerful prescription pain killers and her favorite cheap wine. Every day she'd get hammered, but never violent. She yelled and was neglectful though. My dad travels often for work and he broke his knee shortly after my mom had her surgery and couldn't work. So for a year both my parents couldn't work and all their savings were eaten up. We almost lost the house and we're still paying bills on it. During that time I prayed for all sorts of help, but I was never answered. I learned that I was just talking to myself, although it took time for me to accept that. Along with my troubles in school with bullies and my depression things didn't go well.
When I got into high school I was not very christian but somehow still clinging to the concept of god. All the trouble will bullies, my mom's drinking and my depression came to a head when I was in a position to commit suicide. Since my mom's a veterinarian and had her own clinic, she had euthanasia fluid and she left it out on a counter with a needle around the day where I had gotten into a fight at school and ran a few miles home afterwards. I was depressed and hated everything, the temptation to use that needle was very strong. I had tunnel vision and I was almost certain that I'd do it, but I didn't. Instead I confessed to stashing the fluid and needle and I was taken to a psychiatric ward for a week. It was there where I saw human suffering in a way I had never imagined. I met a violent schizophrenic who heard voices commanding him to beat me up, another schizophrenic that hallucinated heavily, she thought I was tom cruise and will smith even though I look nothing like either. There was all sorts of people in there who had no bearing in reality and there was one girl who's corrupted self image almost killed her. She barely ate and couldn't walk much, it was hard to deal with. I came to the conclusion that god's plan made no sense and was torture. How could these people even meet the requirement of loving and accepting jesus if they couldn't even tell what was reality and what wasn't. After I got out of the psych ward I went in various day programs and I ended up back in the same ward for trying to cut myself. I didn't succeed but I just couldn't take it anymore. Shortly after that I just decided to not care. I started hanging out with people who dealt and did all sorts of drugs, I stole stuff small time and I became a high school bully/all around shit head.
My 3 year relationship with my ex changed that but it was honestly a pretty shitty relationship despite all I learned and got from it. She helped shake my faith and put me on a path towards humanism and atheism regardless of her intent. Either way I appreciate it because I'd still be a shit head and probably a virgin if it wasn't for her. But to sum it up, she showed me a secular way of life and compassion. So basically my family's trouble mixed with my own trouble along with a secular drop out helped me realize that maybe jesus wasn't the reason for the season. Maybe it wasn't the norm to believe.
After high school which I barely graduated from, I was dumped by my ex and moved to another state right after finding my 2 good friends. I surfed the internet and slept alot occasionally getting high. I ended up on reddit where I found the atheism section. I connected with it on a humor level and shortly after I had found out about it the Carl Sagan craze hit. It didn't hurt to find out about an astrophysicist weed smoker who was an agnostic atheist and open about it. I didn't pay much attention to space or academics much prior to this. It was a shock to me how eloquent and intelligent Carl Sagan was. I watched the symphony of science videos, then watched cosmos part of the way, now I have read the Demon Haunted world and I have 2 other books by him as well as Dawkins, Darwin, Hitchens and Dennett. The message of cosmos to me was that being sentient star stuff is awesome and that knowledge is awesome too. I thought without god there was nothing but Carl Sagan woke my inner curiosity up. He helped spark my wonder that I lost a long time ago as a kid when I moved a lot and didn't do well in school.
This is very roughly where I'm at now. My time lines of experience are muddy and I've left some things out so if any of you are curious I'll answer whatever question you might have and I'll take any advice. As far as school goes, my social experiences influenced me in a way so that I didn't care much about the work. I did well in christian middle school which was harder than the public high school I went to later. I am also the youngest kid amongst 4. 2 are married and I'm the only one without college so far, I am lost and directionless due to not putting much effort or thought into school or my future. For those who might not understand that, it's hard to care about a report card and a future when you are bi polar let alone suicidal. My mom's drinking also played a part in that because getting b's used to not be enough and I'd get yelled at.
So yeah, that's my lengthy but brief story, I'm gonna go sleep it's almost 6. Again feel free to criticize, question or relate stories if you want. "We are a way for the cosmos to know itself" - Carl Sagan
So I'll explain what I believed, what caused me to doubt it and where I am now.
The verses that I clung to were the ones that made me feel good, that made me feel like I had a purpose and direction. I felt like god thought of me and put me into his plan when he started everything. I thought I was a sinner no matter what I did and tried my damnedest to follow god's will. I thought my purpose was to help bring about the second coming of jesus by helping "every knee bow" and all that. Spreading the good word and making fishers of men. So I guess I was a run of the mill christian in those ways. Where I differed was that I was one of those kids who took everything seriously. I thought the bible was god's perfect book that everyone should read, understand and follow. I used to go to the youth service at church, I was the church sponsored boy scout troop for a while, I was active in church activities like building and being on a float in the 4th of july parade. My family housed and still houses church equipment since the church doesn't have a building yet and is renting a high school. My family and I were hardcore into the watered down version of christianity that we believed in. That's exactly the problem though.
Here's part one of what screwed me up majorly. "You shall not covet thy neighbor", "Go forth and be fruitful and multiply". To me I was a sinner for being attracted to the opposite sex (I later accepted I was bisexual). Those paraphrased verses (along with others I have forgotten) alienated me from the opposite sex. I was attracted to girls but never developed any real relationships with them. I thought girls who tried to talk to me wanted to have sex with me so I rejected them thinking they were whores. The schools and churches separated boys and girls so I felt justified at the time. At the time when I had to memorize bible verses and study the "science" of creationism though this stuff was serious, it was heaven or hell to me. If I was promiscuous then I'd deviate from the path of jesus and I'd go to hell. You know, slippery slope.
Part two of why I've been socially stunted is that because I took the bible so literally, I judged and avoided people besides those of the opposite sex. I avoided people once I learned they didn't believe in god or creationism, I avoided people who had "relationships" in elementary, middle and early high school. I avoided people who didn't "seem like real christians". To this day I'm not really sure why I isolated myself so much and was so judgmental. It was a wasted childhood mostly, luckily I'm still young so I have time to figure out what I want to do and move towards that. I guess I was afraid of deviating from god so I isolated myself from regular kids and their heathen rituals like spin the bottle.
I have since learned otherwise and am ashamed of the judgmental hermit that was me as a child. Either way I'm still socially stunted because of christianity. I won't blame christianity for everything but it certainly helped justify if not encourage my behavior. So now I will go into what shook my faith and what finally helped me leave it.
I think like every person of any faith I always had my doubts. How can you not doubt noah's ark story, knowing of the dinosaurs or even one man building a boat for 2 of every kind? Adam and eve's story was hard to believe too, and it was hard to believe that both happened as a plan. Admittedly I was like many christians, I took what I was taught and didn't go much farther than that. What really got me though was revelations. The stories of dragons and beasts emerging from the earth at the apocalypse, the wars and suffering that were yet to happen and at the end of it jesus would come and only take believers? Which believers? How do you know exactly whom believes the right things? I was a lutheran, but my dad used to be a catholic. Were all lutheran's going to heaven, or only catholics? What about the jews who I didn't know much about? Questions sprouted from there and from then on I was a little more than doubtful of the bible. I tried to justify the weird stories later by looking at them as metaphors and the work of horribly sinful humans. I later learned of the many mistranslations, misunderstandings, edits and council changes of the bible, that put an end to my trust in the bible.
After my trust in the bible was effectively gone, prayer fell apart in short order. Both my parents had bad injuries in one year at the same time on top of my mom's alcoholism. My mom has degenerative disk disease and she waited years before she had surgery where she had many disks fused. Before the surgery she was on powerful prescription pain killers and her favorite cheap wine. Every day she'd get hammered, but never violent. She yelled and was neglectful though. My dad travels often for work and he broke his knee shortly after my mom had her surgery and couldn't work. So for a year both my parents couldn't work and all their savings were eaten up. We almost lost the house and we're still paying bills on it. During that time I prayed for all sorts of help, but I was never answered. I learned that I was just talking to myself, although it took time for me to accept that. Along with my troubles in school with bullies and my depression things didn't go well.
When I got into high school I was not very christian but somehow still clinging to the concept of god. All the trouble will bullies, my mom's drinking and my depression came to a head when I was in a position to commit suicide. Since my mom's a veterinarian and had her own clinic, she had euthanasia fluid and she left it out on a counter with a needle around the day where I had gotten into a fight at school and ran a few miles home afterwards. I was depressed and hated everything, the temptation to use that needle was very strong. I had tunnel vision and I was almost certain that I'd do it, but I didn't. Instead I confessed to stashing the fluid and needle and I was taken to a psychiatric ward for a week. It was there where I saw human suffering in a way I had never imagined. I met a violent schizophrenic who heard voices commanding him to beat me up, another schizophrenic that hallucinated heavily, she thought I was tom cruise and will smith even though I look nothing like either. There was all sorts of people in there who had no bearing in reality and there was one girl who's corrupted self image almost killed her. She barely ate and couldn't walk much, it was hard to deal with. I came to the conclusion that god's plan made no sense and was torture. How could these people even meet the requirement of loving and accepting jesus if they couldn't even tell what was reality and what wasn't. After I got out of the psych ward I went in various day programs and I ended up back in the same ward for trying to cut myself. I didn't succeed but I just couldn't take it anymore. Shortly after that I just decided to not care. I started hanging out with people who dealt and did all sorts of drugs, I stole stuff small time and I became a high school bully/all around shit head.
My 3 year relationship with my ex changed that but it was honestly a pretty shitty relationship despite all I learned and got from it. She helped shake my faith and put me on a path towards humanism and atheism regardless of her intent. Either way I appreciate it because I'd still be a shit head and probably a virgin if it wasn't for her. But to sum it up, she showed me a secular way of life and compassion. So basically my family's trouble mixed with my own trouble along with a secular drop out helped me realize that maybe jesus wasn't the reason for the season. Maybe it wasn't the norm to believe.
After high school which I barely graduated from, I was dumped by my ex and moved to another state right after finding my 2 good friends. I surfed the internet and slept alot occasionally getting high. I ended up on reddit where I found the atheism section. I connected with it on a humor level and shortly after I had found out about it the Carl Sagan craze hit. It didn't hurt to find out about an astrophysicist weed smoker who was an agnostic atheist and open about it. I didn't pay much attention to space or academics much prior to this. It was a shock to me how eloquent and intelligent Carl Sagan was. I watched the symphony of science videos, then watched cosmos part of the way, now I have read the Demon Haunted world and I have 2 other books by him as well as Dawkins, Darwin, Hitchens and Dennett. The message of cosmos to me was that being sentient star stuff is awesome and that knowledge is awesome too. I thought without god there was nothing but Carl Sagan woke my inner curiosity up. He helped spark my wonder that I lost a long time ago as a kid when I moved a lot and didn't do well in school.
This is very roughly where I'm at now. My time lines of experience are muddy and I've left some things out so if any of you are curious I'll answer whatever question you might have and I'll take any advice. As far as school goes, my social experiences influenced me in a way so that I didn't care much about the work. I did well in christian middle school which was harder than the public high school I went to later. I am also the youngest kid amongst 4. 2 are married and I'm the only one without college so far, I am lost and directionless due to not putting much effort or thought into school or my future. For those who might not understand that, it's hard to care about a report card and a future when you are bi polar let alone suicidal. My mom's drinking also played a part in that because getting b's used to not be enough and I'd get yelled at.
So yeah, that's my lengthy but brief story, I'm gonna go sleep it's almost 6. Again feel free to criticize, question or relate stories if you want. "We are a way for the cosmos to know itself" - Carl Sagan
And yes, I very much enjoy when I consume the cannabis plant.
