(July 6, 2015 at 3:36 pm)Rev. Rye Wrote: I'm not. Admittedly, I spent my high school years in a parochial boy's only school, and a lot of the boys flirted with me. I did not enjoy it. I estimate that of my 200-strong graduating class, about half of them made a pass at me at some point. Sadly, when I declined them, quite a few did not simply stop, with a few going so far as groping me and even one incident where a student grabbed me from behind and dry-humped me against my will. Of course, since we were both clothed when he did it (and he couldn't be bothered to pull my clothes away), I'm not sure if it technically counts as rape.

Still, I'm well aware that most gay people will at least know not to keep at it when flirting with a straight person, and likely a lot of what I had to go through was closer to prison sexuality than regular gay people, but it still brings up bad times for me.

I would say that that definitely constitutes a sexual assault.

I'm a straight woman and if anyone, male or female, did that to me, that's how I'd regard it.

I was in a less-severe situation, myself:

I have always been supportive of LGBT rights and pride.
But I am a straight woman.

I attended one event with two women, in support of the cause.
One woman was bisexual, whom I knew from school...a really nice lady.

The other woman was her friend, whom I didn't know so well, and she was a lesbian.

Everything was fine, all night, until this woman had a few drinks in her,
and then she seemed to expect a kiss from me...a real kiss.

I did nothing to lead her on, and I was uncomfortable.

I don't think she meant it as an assault, she was just wasted,
and maybe she liked me and her inhibitions were loosened,
or perhaps somewhere in her mind,
she convinced herself that I was bi-curious or something
...but it was inappropriate, in any event.

I am 100% pro-LGBT rights,

but I get very annoyed with any LGBT friends,
when they think it's okay to disregard someone who politely declines their advances,

because we spend all this time educating homophobes to "just take it as a compliment",
and not see it as a threat;

But if you cross that line, you have now vindicated their fears about gay people not taking no for an answer.

It's not suddenly okay to sexually harass someone just because
you think the person is a bit uptight or homophobic, and needs to "loosen up".

That's no better than a straight male sexually harassing a lesbian
and telling her "she's just never had a real man".

Having said all that,
I think that the majority of gay people will respect "no thanks" for an answer,

and yes, I generally accept it as a compliment, as long as it's respectful.

You know, I would kill to have someone... anyone... fancy me again. Male, female, young, old, animal, vegetable or fuckn mineral. I'm so not fussy I will even pay cash.

(September 27, 2015 at 12:53 pm)Violet Wrote:

(July 6, 2015 at 3:36 pm)Rev. Rye Wrote: Of course, since we were both clothed when he did it (and he couldn't be bothered to pull my clothes away), I'm not sure if it technically counts as rape.

It does. Nonconsensual physical violation of a person is 'assault'... when that violation is sexual (and ^that^ violation IS sexual): it's 'sexual assault'.

It's a form of sexual intercourse that (in this case) is against another party's will, and without said party's consent. So yes. It is technically rape.

I'm sorry

I suspected something like that, although, honestly, I suspect that, at least in legal terms, it might not:

Illinois State Law Code 720 ILCS 5/11-1.20 Wrote:Sexual Assault Defined as A person commits criminal sexual assault if that person commits an act of sexual penetration and (1) uses force or threat of force; (2) knows the victim lacks capacity to give consent; (3) is a family member of the victim and the victim is under 18 years old; (4) is at least 17 years old, holds a position of authority or trust over the victim, and the victim is between 13 and 18 years old.

Since it was technically forced dry humping over clothes (he couldn't be bothered to take either of our clothes away), I don't think there was actual penetration. Legally, I've always suspected what happened to me might, in legal terms, be less than rape, which is why I said I wasn't sure it counted. Well, that, and, when talking about things like this, you don't know whether you're the boy who told the police what Jerry Sandusky did to him or David Gonterman ranting about how gay people made his life a living Hell because straight people in school called him a "fag."

It's certainly assault with sexual aspects even if it doesn't fit the Illinois Penal Code's definition of Sexual Assault.

Then again, the motherfucker's statute of limitation ran out long ago, so this discussion of my own experience is largely academic at this point. The motherfucker's likely going to live and die a free man, even if he is likely to share the same fate as many high school jocks: a miserable lower-class existence having little impact on the world, and likely not even remembering what happened that day in the high school locker room.

I'd be flattered, though I am bi-curious. I've actually had a lesbian hit on me before. I told her I wasn't interested, but that I did think she was attractive but I'm married. She was embarrassed, but we struck up a conversation afterwards. I don't think any of my gay friends have ever really went 'too far'. I'm sure there are some that do, but there's some straight people who won't take no for an answer either.

(July 7, 2015 at 3:33 pm)Stimbo Wrote: I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Stimbo....EVERY straight man is a lesbian trapped in a man's body!!

(September 27, 2015 at 2:49 pm)MTL Wrote: I was in a less-severe situation, myself:

I have always been supportive of LGBT rights and pride.
But I am a straight woman.

I attended one event with two women, in support of the cause.
One woman was bisexual, whom I knew from school...a really nice lady.

The other woman was her friend, whom I didn't know so well, and she was a lesbian.

Everything was fine, all night, until this woman had a few drinks in her,
and then she seemed to expect a kiss from me...a real kiss.

I did nothing to lead her on, and I was uncomfortable.

I don't think she meant it as an assault, she was just wasted,
and maybe she liked me and her inhibitions were loosened,
or perhaps somewhere in her mind,
she convinced herself that I was bi-curious or something
...but it was inappropriate, in any event.

I am 100% pro-LGBT rights,

but I get very annoyed with any LGBT friends,
when they think it's okay to disregard someone who politely declines their advances,

because we spend all this time educating homophobes to "just take it as a compliment",
and not see it as a threat;

But if you cross that line, you have now vindicated their fears about gay people not taking no for an answer.

It's not suddenly okay to sexually harass someone just because
you think the person is a bit uptight or homophobic, and needs to "loosen up".

That's no better than a straight male sexually harassing a lesbian
and telling her "she's just never had a real man".

Having said all that,
I think that the majority of gay people will respect "no thanks" for an answer,

and yes, I generally accept it as a compliment, as long as it's respectful.

That's kind of where I am. Once in college, a lesbian became a study partner and friend until she began making hints about a more sexual relationship. I was married to my now ex-husband at the time. And she knew I was married. I raised it as a defense, and she said extra-marital sex with women didn't count. It's the most anti-feminist thing I've ever heard from an avowed feminist. It was also the end of our friendship. It's also the only thing remotely like it that's ever happened to me with a lesbian women. I don't think it was a lesbian thing. It was a her thing. And I've had many worse experiences with hetero men.

Nope, I'm reliably informed by my lesbian friends that a vagina is required for lesbianism.

It was very disappointing to learn.

I suppose Kaitlyn Jenner can now qualify, but no guys.

(September 27, 2015 at 11:50 pm)Jenny A Wrote: she said extra-marital sex with women didn't count.
It's the most anti-feminist thing I've ever heard from an avowed feminist.

Not only that, but it's the most transparent, absurd, juvenile, cowardly, irresponsible, thoughtless, STUPID thing I've ever heard.  That's the degree of cop-out I would expect from a 10 year old who is trying to justify stealing money out of your purse, or cheating on a test.

"Doesn't count"  wtf.  We're adults.  Everything counts.

Quote: I don't think it was a lesbian thing.  It was a her thing. 

I agree.  Absolutely.

Quote: And I've had many worse experiences with hetero men.

I'm sorry to hear that.  I am able to sympathize...but I don't hate all men because of a few idiots, either.

(September 27, 2015 at 11:53 pm)TheRocketSurgeon Wrote: Nope, I'm reliably informed by my lesbian friends that a vagina is required for lesbianism.

It was very disappointing to learn.

I suppose Kaitlyn Jenner can now qualify, but no guys.

For the record, I think Caitlyn is still pre-op, seems to me she specifically mentioned it.

And I know she made a point of spelling her name with a "C", to break with the "K" tradition

Not sure I ever answered other than to joke around. I'd be a complimented. I'm not 100% straight but I find I only have romantic feelings for women. The truth is I'm just a whole lot more comfortable with women than with men, probably because my father was out to sea in the navy a lot (as well as socially stunted) and my mother was articulate and tuned in.

I am also 100% married. While I enjoy flirting with the girls here I never actually contemplate straying. I'm happy with my sex life and happier still with my good friend and housemate.

Sex doesn't hold the same sway on my attention that it did when I was younger. It is still something like money in that when you're lacking either it is something you'll put energy into getting back. But now I enjoy weekly whoopy and have all my energy free for other things in between.