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Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Other Religions v
I am the One True Turtle

Poll: do you bow down to The One True Turtle?
This poll is closed.
Yes! I bow before your Omni-Turtleyness! G-Rob is the anti-turtle!
9.09%
 1 9.09%
Robvalue is indeed God-Rob/G-Rob. You are the imposter now go fuck yourself shit for brains!
18.18%
 2 18.18%
i iz undecided can i haz cookie while i wait make decision-timings?
72.73%
 8 72.73%
Total 11 vote(s) 100%
* You voted for this item. [Show Results]

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I am the One True Turtle
Edwardo Piet Away
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#1
I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 7:39 am (This post was last modified: November 16, 2015 at 7:39 am by Edwardo Piet.)
G-Rob is an imposter and the anti-turtle. His coming is the sign of the apololypse but I have been here since the beginning.

Prove yourself G-Rob you imposter. You are really the anti-turtle in disguise. I do not need to justify myself to you for others have faith in my Supreme Omniturtleiness. And now you shall all bow down before my Turtle Kingdom of Manslutiness.

[Image: u7ryg.jpg]
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robvalue Offline
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#2
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 7:44 am
WTF is this EWP?

I'm gonna, err...

I'll be doing something big real soon. I can't be having this! Big Grin
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Edwardo Piet Away
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#3
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 7:52 am
(November 16, 2015 at 7:44 am)robvalue Wrote: WTF is this EWP?

English Wine Producers.

But I'm not going to fall for your Red Herring! You have not shown yourself as the anti-turtle and imposter that you are! Show yourself Rob......showwww yourselffffff.
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Aoi Magi Offline
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#4
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 7:56 am
(November 16, 2015 at 7:39 am)Evie Wrote: G-Rob is an imposter and the anti-turtle. His coming is the sign of the apololypse but I have been here since the beginning.

The true turtle is supposed to appear tomorrow as is predicted vaguely-clearly in the holy scriptures written by the local zookeeper.

Those who are already here are pagan imposters. Dodgy
Quote:To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty.
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Edwardo Piet Away
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#5
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 8:00 am
The Turtle books are actually lies spread about by the Turtle-Satan intended to mislead you and see if you'll actually fall for that bullshit.

There can be no reasoning with The One True Turtle you simply must have faith in TOTT and simply trust in him if you are to truly appreciate his Tottiness and go to Totty heaven.
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Aoi Magi Offline
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#6
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 8:02 am
(November 16, 2015 at 8:00 am)Evie Wrote: The Turtle books are actually lies spread about by the Turtle-Satan intended to mislead you and see if you'll actually fall for that bullshit.

There can be no reasoning with The One True Turtle you simply must have faith in TOTT and simply trust in him if you are to truly appreciate his Tottiness and go to Totty heaven.

The books said there will be unbelievers who would claim the holy words to be false... Dodgy
Quote:To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty.
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Edwardo Piet Away
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#7
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 8:14 am (This post was last modified: November 16, 2015 at 8:16 am by Edwardo Piet.)
Yes but luckily I am the Totty and believe in myself fully.

You're not seriously gonna fall for those shitty Turtle-Satan scriptures are you? Everyone knows that false religions full of shite have Holy Books that are a load of bull. So surely the True God - The One True Turtle (I.e. me) - wouldn't rely on that bullshit to gain followers?

No my friends, trust in my turtleiness so you may go to turtle heaven.
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SteelCurtain Offline
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#8
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 8:42 am
I have seen evidence of G-Rob!

His tie were near 6 ft wide!
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great

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robvalue Offline
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#9
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 8:49 am
(November 16, 2015 at 7:39 am)Evie Wrote: G-Rob is an imposter and the anti-turtle. His coming is the sign of the apololypse but I have been here since the beginning.

Prove yourself G-Rob you imposter. You are really the anti-turtle in disguise. I do not need to justify myself to you for others have faith in my Supreme Omniturtleiness. And now you shall all bow down before my Turtle Kingdom of Manslutiness.

[Image: u7ryg.jpg]

Nuh uh.

I'll build on that later. For now, have faith my people. This tyrannical turtle will not confuse me with all those big words.
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The Grand Nudger Offline
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#10
RE: I am the One True Turtle
November 16, 2015 at 8:49 am (This post was last modified: November 16, 2015 at 8:49 am by The Grand Nudger.)
Sounds legit Evie, you know what would really clinch the deal, if you had some mujahideen.  I already have my own gear, just sayin....
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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I am the One True Turtle

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