(November 22, 2015 at 7:57 pm)Thena323 Wrote: It goes without saying that most people are capable love. And I'm certainly capable of romantic gestures. But I'm not comfortable with the thought of having romantic feelings or sentiment. I simply don't have the faith required to believe that love can fix everything. Or even most things.

I was aware of that before I was an atheist, though.

Love doesn't do shit on its own.  Actions are what fixes things.  Love can be the impetus for taking action, but it's not magic.  

Meaningful relationships require work.  Especially when they're no longer in the puppy dogs and rainbows honeymoon stage.  Open and honest communication can be surprisingly difficult, but equally rewarding.

Finally, the idiotic Hallmark blind faith in love BS is exactly that - BS.  Now, you can have faith in your partner and/or relationship with them, even in rough patches, but that's not blind faith.  Indeed, it's the opposite.  It's faith based off of real past shared experiences and what you know of the other person's character.  It's about as informed as faith can be (and because it's faith, it's not always accurate, but it's the best we can do).

(November 22, 2015 at 8:18 pm)KevinM1 Wrote:

(November 22, 2015 at 7:57 pm)Thena323 Wrote: It goes without saying that most people are capable love. And I'm certainly capable of romantic gestures. But I'm not comfortable with the thought of having romantic feelings or sentiment. I simply don't have the faith required to believe that love can fix everything. Or even most things.

I was aware of that before I was an atheist, though.

Love doesn't do shit on its own.  Actions are what fixes things.  Love can be the impetus for taking action, but it's not magic.  

I know. That's the difference between love and romantic love...the idealized view of reality. That's what I have difficulty with. Romantic love does require a high degree faith, in my opinion.

I figured that was probably worth clarifying.

Romantic love requires optimism.

Lots of things feel good, that's why we do them.
It's in our DNA. All these good feelings are there for one purpose. To expand the population.

We, as responsible modern humans need to take control of our innate urges and do what's best for our long term happiness. 10 seconds of bliss could easily turn into 16 years of child support payments.

Actually I don't think emotion hampers decision making. I know between my husband and I that I feel this connection. It's what people might call being soul mates, but I don't ascribe to that because I don't think two people are MADE for each other. The idea that you're going to end up with a specific someone no matter what you do is an unromantic notion in my opinion. Instead it's far more romantic to believe that out of millions of potential partners both people chose to be with the other. My husband and I just 'click'. I'm sure there's someone else there that I could have clicked with. Even several someones. The same goes for my husband. And out of everyone we could have clicked with, we chose each other.

(November 22, 2015 at 7:57 pm)Thena323 Wrote: It goes without saying that most people are capable love. And I'm certainly capable of romantic gestures. But I'm not comfortable with the thought of having romantic feelings or sentiment. I simply don't have the faith required to believe that love can fix everything. Or even most things.

I was aware of that before I was an atheist, though.

Love is not for fixing things. Love is something to get lost in.

(November 22, 2015 at 9:38 pm)mh.brewer Wrote:

(November 22, 2015 at 7:57 pm)Thena323 Wrote: It goes without saying that most people are capable love. And I'm certainly capable of romantic gestures. But I'm not comfortable with the thought of having romantic feelings or sentiment. I simply don't have the faith required to believe that love can fix everything. Or even most things.

I was aware of that before I was an atheist, though.

Love is not for fixing things. Love is something to get lost in.

It's mainly for breaking things.

THere's nothing better to me than going out on a romantic date, having fun, going for walks, getting and giving gifts, and with no expectations other than to spend time with the person.

(November 22, 2015 at 6:37 pm)Thena323 Wrote: You dismiss the notion of soulmates as a flight of fancy, for obvious reasons. You also believe that emotion and sentiment have a tendency to hamper proper decision-making. 

Why? Because you're a skeptic and choose to employ a realistic approach to life, as to one entrenched in idealistic thinking. It wouldn't take much of a stretch for someone to assume that you don't put much stock in the expression of softer emotions, though they could very well be wrong. 

Are are you still open to feeling and demonstrating romantic love, in spite of your inclinations?

I am a romantic atheist but i am still untamed.

I don't believe in the idea that there is one perfect person for everyone and no one else would come close; I consider it far more of a continuum.

In my opinion the most important part of a relationship is enjoying each other's company. Just being with the person should make you feel happy, you should make each other laugh, and always support each other and work together rather than clash.

I think that if you have all of this, then you have the makings of a long term relationship. It seems to me too many people dive into bed together based on superficial qualities, and then expect things to work out in the long term somehow. Of course there's nothing wrong with just having fun and not looking for something serious. But if your aims are to find a long term partner, this is about the worst way to go about it in my opinion.

I think once you have met the person who is right for you, love and romance are very likely to follow naturally. They are your body's way of telling you that you are indeed with the right person. I've felt what it's like to be with the wrong person, and my body was telling me to GTFO. I'm not suggesting emotions should make decisions for you, but they are often prompts that you are either doing well or else that you're trying to bury problems.

I try to show my love every day to my wife, and it comes very naturally to do so. Traditional romantic things I find harder, as I'm just not great at thinking of special ideas. But I try my best to make lovely gestures now and again! I would hope that the way I treat my wife every day would be considered romantic.