CIJS -

I have been fighting this sinking feeling for the last year. I have been fighting physical pain for longer. I can't fight either one anymore. I'm tired. I'm just so very tired. There's too many reasons to list on why I feel like this and on what's wrong. It's a compilation of stuff. And I don't have the energy to deal with it anymore.

(November 16, 2016 at 11:47 am)robvalue Wrote: God damn though, I'm hoping so much this operation is a turning point. I'm sick to death of being so tired all the time. I barely enjoy anything, I just do things to keep myself from the brink of madness. If no one would miss me, I'd be off to find the least painful way of killing myself. I've promised Emma I'd never do that, and that I'd tell her as soon as I made any actual plans. Somehow it has never got that far in these 10 years. Honestly, I don't know how. I feel like a corpse, dragging myself through life.

I saw a new psychiatrist and he's given me something for anxiety, which is also crippling me at the moment. I will be getting some more CBT fairly soon; I'm already on a massive dose of antidepressants and he doesn't think raising it more will do any good.

Sorry for the grim post. Just getting it out of my system. I love you guys, and you keep me going too

I think/hope that the operation will be a turning point. Sending good vibes. Damn shame that you had to wait this long. 

I know that the Dr's won't know until they open you up but have they estimated how much comes out? Don't answer if you're not comfortable. 

Big fan of CBT!

Thank you Yeah, the timing had to be right so there was a decent chance of getting the problem area out. Up until now it's been too small to target, but no less troublesome.

I don't know exactly how much, but I don't think it will be much more each side of the joining bit. There's a funny shaped thingy between the two intestines, which the surgeon drew me a picture of. That's coming out, and just a little bit extra off each end. The narrowing is too close to this thing to be targeted on its own apparently.

She said that if things are well set up, it can be done by keyhole surgery. But if things are messy in there, it will be a more major operation. I had one before some 11 years ago, a major one to remove 30cm of intestine, and I recovered fine.

(November 16, 2016 at 1:45 pm)mh.brewer Wrote:

(November 16, 2016 at 11:47 am)robvalue Wrote: God damn though, I'm hoping so much this operation is a turning point. I'm sick to death of being so tired all the time. I barely enjoy anything, I just do things to keep myself from the brink of madness. If no one would miss me, I'd be off to find the least painful way of killing myself. I've promised Emma I'd never do that, and that I'd tell her as soon as I made any actual plans. Somehow it has never got that far in these 10 years. Honestly, I don't know how. I feel like a corpse, dragging myself through life.

I saw a new psychiatrist and he's given me something for anxiety, which is also crippling me at the moment. I will be getting some more CBT fairly soon; I'm already on a massive dose of antidepressants and he doesn't think raising it more will do any good.

Sorry for the grim post. Just getting it out of my system. I love you guys, and you keep me going too

I think/hope that the operation will be a turning point. Sending good vibes. Damn shame that you had to wait this long. 

I know that the Dr's won't know until they open you up but have they  estimated how much comes out? Don't answer if you're not comfortable. 

Big fan of CBT!

Um . . .

if the segment is long enough, rather than as a display item on your coffee table, you might want to consider the  . . .



er . . .




entertainment value.

Hope everything goes well for you, Rob.

IOW, you could actually and literally and comfortably (besides the 'ick' factor) go fuck yourself.

I'm getting a little stiffy going on your behalf . . .

Thanks Bella

Maybe they can suck a few stone of flab off me too while I'm under

Last time they also removed a hernia around my navel, meaning I don't have a proper belly button any more. They shaped one for me so I wouldn't feel sad, it's pretty convincing.

(November 16, 2016 at 1:54 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: I'm getting a little stiffy going on your behalf . . .

I'll see if they will mail it to you if you want

(November 16, 2016 at 1:54 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: I'm getting a little stiffy going on your behalf . . .

I don't know how to respond to that.