CIJS,

well you 2, you're forever tied to each other now.

One of the more monumental fuck ups I've yet encountered. And I'm nearing 60, that bar is set pretty high. And there's no way to put the 50 pounds of shit you've both unleashed back in that dime bag is there ??

I can already crystal ball some of what's coming. And I'm sure there'll be some surprises I can't anticipate. Hell, one of my sisters voiced an outcome I can't absolutely rule out, and it's one I never would have come up with on my own.

Anyone going to wind up dead over this? I can guaranty 1, and it don't take a crystal ball to work that out. I've been around 12 Steppers enough to realize an end stager of your caliber, fucking free fall never ends nice. And the splat is going to change things for many people. I've already had a couple unhappy jolts from this mess, and I know I'm in for some more. Jesus, I saw one of you the other day, first time in just 3 months. Un-fucking-recognizable in appearance, and even more telling and shocking, personality and demeanor too; you've aged morally and physically and spiritually decades from staring into the Grim Reapers eyes and I can tell. I'm long time acquaint with that bastard, I try not to forget for even a second the power he has to fuck everything we're planning.

I sobered up in time to experience the attrition of 39 friends to HIV, and how many more from relapses at 12 Steppers? I tended to view the latter as more of a cost of doing business, but I see my attitude abruptly careening in a different direction over this.



Just another chapter in the big book of addiction maybe, but I'm taking this one a little more personally than most of the others.

(July 2, 2017 at 11:38 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: CIJS,

well you 2, you're forever tied to each other now.

One of the more monumental fuck ups I've yet encountered. And I'm nearing 60, that bar is set pretty high.  And there's no way to put the 50 pounds of shit you've both unleashed back in that dime bag is there ??

I can already crystal ball some of what's coming.  And I'm sure there'll be some surprises I can't anticipate.  Hell, one of my sisters voiced an outcome I can't absolutely rule out, and it's one I never would have come up with on my own.

Anyone going to wind up dead over this?  I can guaranty 1, and it don't take a crystal ball to work that out.  I've been around 12 Steppers enough to realize an end stager of your caliber, fucking free fall never ends nice. And the splat is going to change things for many people.  I've already had a couple unhappy jolts from this mess, and I know I'm in for some more.  Jesus, I saw one of you the other day, first time in just 3 months.  Un-fucking-recognizable in appearance, and even more telling and shocking, personality and demeanor too; you've aged morally and physically and spiritually decades from staring into the Grim Reapers eyes and I can tell.  I'm long time acquaint with that bastard, I try not to forget for even a second the power he has to fuck everything we're planning.

I sobered up in time to experience the attrition of 39 friends to HIV, and how many more from relapses at 12 Steppers?  I tended to view the latter as more of a cost of doing business, but I see my attitude abruptly careening in a different direction over this.



Just another chapter in the big book of addiction maybe, but I'm taking this one a little more personally than most of the others.

Great big giant hugs, Vorlie 

(July 2, 2017 at 11:38 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: Just another chapter in the big book of addiction maybe, but I'm taking this one a little more personally than most of the others.

Sure am sorry you're dealing with this. I know you're willing to invest in people, and I know how hurtful it can be when you have to eat a loss.

Don't let it change your outlook. When I was at wit's end, you were there, for a stranger. Your words helped me get to where I am now, but we both know you don't own their decisions. "Not everyone can carry the weight of the world." And too often, we cannot even carry ourselves -- which is what Stepping is really about, isn't it?

Hang in there, bud.

^^

Fuck internet haters. Sometimes strangers help more than one might think. Sometimes strangers don't feel like strangers anymore.

Instead of the sad CIJS post I was going to make... here's this.

CIJS? Thank you. For the talk right now. I found a good friend in you. I'm proud of myself for that

CIJS - I know Michael Jackson is legendary and everything, but girl do we really need to hear her every single day at work?

Playing that same "best hits" CD and it's getting old fast.

CIJS-

You're all right for someone to kill time with, nothing more. My gut feeling told me I was pestering you even though you pretended otherwise. Now you've confirmed what I already knew. C'est la vie.

-Teresa

CIJS I'm not proud to be an American. All this blind patriotism on display today is making me reflect on how much I feel like I don't belong.

CIJS

I'm gonna get my ass back to playing RPG MO, I always come back to things. I just have to be in the mood.

(July 4, 2017 at 1:09 pm)Jesster Wrote: CIJS I'm not proud to be an American. All this blind patriotism on display today is making me reflect on how much I feel like I don't belong.

Those in power, or the most vocal, don't always represent the people, example, Syria. 

You belong here just fine. Hopefully you'll get your pride back.