She’s my mother. You’re supposed to love your mother. But whenever she talks about coming to town, my first thought is “No.” I remember how she tried to bully me in my own house when she was here two years ago. When they didn’t work, she went back to California talking about she left because I was angry. I thought that was cute.
Now she’s back in Texas for my nephew’s high school graduation. In the last month she has started two arguments with me over the phone. I’ve known this woman for half a century. She’s not the kind of person who will let something go when a person makes it clear they don’t want to talk about it. She will take the subject of those arguments as ammunition. They say it takes two to tangle, but if I avoid the issue, she’ll keep after me about it. So that’s not an option.
I just don’t want to be around her. She was hostile toward me the last time she was here. That’s a terrible way to feel about your mother. At 53, I should know how to deal with my mother by now. But I don’t. She has raised me to think of anger as a character flaw. I finally realized why she does this. See when she’s wrong about something, she’ll do things that would make anybody else angry. I’ve always suppressed my anger, but she still accuses me of being angry. That way she can focus on my anger and distract attention away from the fact that she is wrong. The first time I got really angry at her was more than thirty years ago when I was in my late teens and she threatened to hit me with my baby sister’s roller skate. Something inside me clicked and I went off on her, verbally. Since then, I’ve only lost control of my tongue with her once, and that was more than ten years ago.
I’m tired of handling this like a little girl, through avoidance and exercising my Miranda rights. It’s not working. Why can’t I just come out and tell her to respect me in my house or stay away? I keep thinking of the way she will respond to that. I keep thinking it will hurt her. She’s 73 years old. Part of me thinks she won’t be able to handle honest feelings when she has trained me all my life to suppress them. I'll really have to fight to get the words out of my mouth and not wait ten years for something to click and have then pour out in a flood of frustration.
Now she’s back in Texas for my nephew’s high school graduation. In the last month she has started two arguments with me over the phone. I’ve known this woman for half a century. She’s not the kind of person who will let something go when a person makes it clear they don’t want to talk about it. She will take the subject of those arguments as ammunition. They say it takes two to tangle, but if I avoid the issue, she’ll keep after me about it. So that’s not an option.
I just don’t want to be around her. She was hostile toward me the last time she was here. That’s a terrible way to feel about your mother. At 53, I should know how to deal with my mother by now. But I don’t. She has raised me to think of anger as a character flaw. I finally realized why she does this. See when she’s wrong about something, she’ll do things that would make anybody else angry. I’ve always suppressed my anger, but she still accuses me of being angry. That way she can focus on my anger and distract attention away from the fact that she is wrong. The first time I got really angry at her was more than thirty years ago when I was in my late teens and she threatened to hit me with my baby sister’s roller skate. Something inside me clicked and I went off on her, verbally. Since then, I’ve only lost control of my tongue with her once, and that was more than ten years ago.
I’m tired of handling this like a little girl, through avoidance and exercising my Miranda rights. It’s not working. Why can’t I just come out and tell her to respect me in my house or stay away? I keep thinking of the way she will respond to that. I keep thinking it will hurt her. She’s 73 years old. Part of me thinks she won’t be able to handle honest feelings when she has trained me all my life to suppress them. I'll really have to fight to get the words out of my mouth and not wait ten years for something to click and have then pour out in a flood of frustration.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
