Hi,

I would like to know your opinion about how to start a relationship (specifically with a girl since I am a man).

I will explain why I am asking this:

I am a (relatively handsome) 23 year old man who has never had any kind of relationship with a woman besides a friendship. Not sexual experience either (not even a kiss). The reason of this is because I have always wanted to have a relationship with a woman I genuinely like, and not just because I can or for sexual satisfaction. There was a girl I really liked (what people call a crush or oneitis). Unfortunately she rejected me. So since the ony girl I like rejects me, I see no point in looking for another girl since my desire for them is not as strong as the one I feel for the other girl. 5 years have passed since this.

But now that I am 23, I am wondering if I am wasting my youth. Sometimes I think I should just take every chance I get and hook up with multiple girls just for pleasure even if I dont really care about them (besides the minimum respect one should gor a human being), but then again, I feel it is a waste of time and energy for just a few minutes of physical pleasure. Then there is the other option: get a girlfriend even if I dont feel the same passion I feels towards the girl I genuinely like. The problem is, it would feel like a substitute. Like it will always make me remember what could have been but never was. And I believe this would be unfair for me and for her.

So what is your opinion? None of the options satisfy me. What I want is to have a girlfriend that I genuinely like and do activities such as traveling, etc., and not just sex. If your reply will be "Just get a gf and see how it goes", then I ask you, what makes her different from the rest? Since she is the same as any other girl, just prettier or uglier.

Hooking up with multiple girls looks like the best option, but none would fill my desire for a relationship.

Please only serious answers and not insulting. Thanks in advance.

It sounds like your sex drive isn't very high and you've had a good experience in terms of meeting someone you like but it's kind of spoiled it because now you compare everyone to that person.

If your sex drive were higher than I imagine you'd have more of a drive to want to have sex and you wouldn't care as much that you like the personality of these other women less.

How you approach a relationship in terms of hook ups is down to your sex drive then if you choose that route you just better be careful with condoms and meeting psycho women.

Looking for something long term I think you should keep an open mind and not focus too much on ticking very specific boxes.

I also recommend you watch Chris Rock because he does amazing stand up on how you're never going to find your perfect soul mate and everyone in his audience isn't with their first choice of partner, pretty much hitting the nail on the head for this topic.

After years of hooking up I can relate to you in the sense that I know good looking funny girls in work now who I chat to. So when I meet a girl outside of work they're competing to be at least as funny as the girls in work or I just think to myself apart from the sex I'd rather be in work and be getting paid to talk to someone who I like more.
But I had years of hooking up to get it out of my system and I have kids with a girl who I do find to be funnier and better looking than the girls in work but we have our ups and downs and we aren't soul mates, whatever that means.

Playing the field might be the best way to find the woman you're looking for.  Think of it as a series of unusually sweaty interviews.

Boru

(October 12, 2018 at 9:48 pm)Macoleco Wrote: Hi,

I would like to know your opinion about how to start a relationship (specifically with a girl since I am a man).

I will explain why I am asking this:

I am a (relatively handsome) 23 year old man who has never had any kind of relationship with a woman besides a friendship. Not sexual experience either (not even a kiss). The reason of this is because I have always wanted to have a relationship with a woman I genuinely like, and not just because I can or for sexual satisfaction. There was a girl I really liked (what people call a crush or oneitis). Unfortunately she rejected me. So since the ony girl I like rejects me, I see no point in looking for another girl since my desire for them is not as strong as the one I feel for the other girl. 5 years have passed since this.

But now that I am 23, I am wondering if I am wasting my youth. Sometimes I think I should just take every chance I get and hook up with multiple girls just for pleasure even if I dont really care about them (besides the minimum respect one should gor a human being), but then again, I feel it is a waste of time and energy for just a few minutes of physical pleasure. Then there is the other option: get a girlfriend even if I dont feel the same passion I feels towards the girl I genuinely like. The problem is, it would feel like a substitute. Like it will always make me remember what could have been but never was. And I believe this would be unfair for me and for her.

So what is your opinion? None of the options satisfy me. What I want is to have a girlfriend that I genuinely like and do activities such as traveling, etc., and not just sex. If your reply will be "Just get a gf and see how it goes", then I ask you, what makes her different from the rest? Since she is the same as any other girl, just prettier or uglier.

Hooking up with multiple girls looks like the best option, but none would fill my desire for a relationship.

Please only serious answers and not insulting. Thanks in advance.

Starting a relationship is something that just happens. 
Meet women and get to know them, perhaps one you like will like you back.

How you get to meet them is another matter.

What are the kids into these days, pokemon and disco?

Gotta do what works for you. People are all different as are their wants and desires .

I’ve had some intesnse short relationships in the past with women who were my ‘ideal’ but it didn’t pan out for one reason or another. I met my fiancé (who I’ve been with for 12 years) on a night out completely by random. We didn’t ‘match’ as well as the previous women I’d been with but it developed into what we have today.

So is there such a thing as ‘the one’? No. Is there even such a thing as an ideal partner? I doubt it. Even what you think you want might not necessarily be what you get, and the same goes for any prospective partners. There’s probably (definitely) a complex science behind it but just going with the flow and letting things happen usually brings results (in my very narrow experience). And if you don’t give things a chance, you’ll never know.

(October 12, 2018 at 9:48 pm)Macoleco Wrote: What I want is to have a girlfriend that I genuinely like and do activities such as traveling, etc., and not just sex.

Seems to me you answered your own question. So I guess you should continue to do whatever activities you enjoy, and hopefully you will meet a woman you like who is out there pursuing similar interests.

Thank you. I will start meeting more women and see how it goes.

I am no good at the starting part. 99 out of 100 there is a big NO. My grandpa used to tell me, the NO is a guarantee, but if you're afraid of the NO you will never ask and forever will be in doubt that perhaps you could get a YES

(October 13, 2018 at 2:49 pm)LastPoet Wrote: I am no good at the starting part. 99 out of 100 there is a big NO. My grandpa used to tell me, the NO is a guarantee, but if you're afraid of the NO you will never ask and forever will be in doubt that perhaps you could get a YES

Good advice!!! May his soul rest in peace.

(October 13, 2018 at 1:21 pm)Macoleco Wrote: Thank you. I will start meeting more women and see how it goes.

Ya know, I am kinda struggling with this.

I dated, fooled about, married, had two sprogs, divorced, had a smattering of transient relationships equipped with OMG sex and what have you.

What exactly is the problem here?

Because it seems to me that there is some missing information.

I could guess, but that would be utterly unfair.