(September 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm)Dotard Wrote: Gay Dinosaur known as MegaSoreAss.

I thought it was the Likalotapuss.

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I was walking down the street the other day when I saw a guy pickpocket a midget. Let me tell you, I've never seen someone stoop so low!

Why did the man drive his expensive care into a tree? Because he wanted to see how his Mercedes bends!

How do you make a tissue paper dance? Put a boogie in it!

Food puns:

- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

- I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

- When making butter, there is little margarine for error.

- Successful dieters might win the Nobelly prize.

- When he spilled coffee on her shirt, she showed him dis-stain.

- A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

- Lettuce not get too distracted by herbs though!

- I don't know pepper or not I should continue these.

- Yes, there isn't mushroom - we shouldn't waste space with the wrong pun.

How does Adele have her eggs at breakfast?

In a cake!

This is one that a friend told me from the back seat of the car while we were driving to a shopping mall. He told me about a group of tribes in the Amazon that scientists and anthropologists had been studying. They found that the natives in these tribes knew no warfare and no violence. Not only that, but they didn't even have words for such things in their language, known as 'Teft'. What's more, they found that just by teaching Teft to people, they would see a dramatic drop in conflict and violence among those they taught the language. The moral of the story, obviously, is that we should "Learn Teft. LEARN TEFT! LEARN TEFT!" Alas, I was a bit slow, and missed the left turn, but he timed it perfectly.

There was once a Hawaiian king who, of course, lived in a house made of grass. His passion in life was collecting thrones. He had a tremendous throne collection from all over the world. He had thrones from Europe, Asia, Africa and even Central America! He had thrones from famous kings and unknown Inca rulers. But, sadly, one day his house caught fire and burned to the ground, destroying his beloved throne collection. The king was inconsolable.

The moral to the story, of course, is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

- A man walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brings out another guy who looks just like himself.

- Without geometry, life is pointless.

- What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

- Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here!"

- Which president was least guilty? Lincoln. He is in a cent.

This thread is incredibly punny!