i am planning on buying a camaro this sunday, but having huge bouts of anxiety like, "what if its a lemon?" or "what if someone buys it before me?"

back when i was christian i'd say "well, if God planned it for me, it will work out, if it doesn't its for the best." .....and if it worked out i'd be super praising jesus, but if it didn't work out id be like WTFF WHYY GOD DAMN IT WHYYYY???

So how would you deal with uncertainty? what keeps u together in anxious moments? how do u know things will be okay?

for me, i'm trying to practice my zen philosophy such that, all we have is this moment and can't predict the future. so live life moment to moment, and if it does get sold, deal with the frustration then, rather than suffer it now for the chance that the painful event doesn't even exist yet, and it may not even.

I haven't decided.

You deal with it by considering the possible outcomes and being as prepared as you can be. This wasn't very different for me as a believer, since I felt that god would only intervene in those circumstances that affected his plan. For any other situations, there was always the possibility that I'd be disappointed. Many believers will use "it must have been god's will" as a way to cope with disappointment. I consider that a sort of "fox and the grapes" type of situation, where you rationalize away the disappointment as best you can.

Without the ups and downs, life wouldn't be such a roller coaster. And everyone loves a roller coaster, don't they?

(April 18, 2013 at 8:41 pm)Tonus Wrote: You deal with it by considering the possible outcomes and being as prepared as you can be. This wasn't very different for me as a believer, since I felt that god would only intervene in those circumstances that affected his plan. For any other situations, there was always the possibility that I'd be disappointed. Many believers will use "it must have been god's will" as a way to cope with disappointment. I consider that a sort of "fox and the grapes" type of situation, where you rationalize away the disappointment as best you can.

Without the ups and downs, life wouldn't be such a roller coaster. And everyone loves a roller coaster, don't they?

right on,

whats the best way to deal? is it unhealthy to be like the fox who stopped liking grapes?

I mean say the car went away, should I sit around for a year and think about god damn it the cars gone im so disappointed!!!

or wouldn't it be better to be like, o well its gone, i'll try to find another. ?

What you're dealing with is called impact bias. Everyone has this bias. It means that we overestimate how important the outcomes of things the future are going to be. Nothing's going to happen that you can't cope with. So just knowing that relaxes me a little.

I'm too gosh-darned irrepressible to stay in a funk for very long. If I was disappointed by something I'd probably mope and torture myself with recriminations for a short time and then move on. I think that there is a bit of the fox and grapes involved in that. If I'd lost out on a car I really had my heart set on, I'd kick myself for not acting sooner or being prepared, then I'd shrug my shoulders and tell myself that I'd get the next one or that missing out on a car isn't the end of the world, and so on. Even if any of it was true, it's mostly a way to move on and not let disappointment drag me down. I tend not to dwell on the bad. I believe that there's an opportunity around every corner.

life is full of uncertainties but you only live once. even when you were a christian you still had uncertainties just a scapegoat was focused on with dealing with those uncertainties(not saying thatto offend i did the same thing). things like that take time for me to reflect on until you determine whether you are ready or not. weigh the pros and cons and determine what is more valueable to you. remember if you go with it to enjoy it. if you don't think you will enjoy it maybe it isn't what is best. for example i REALLY want to get a jeep wrangler. can i afford it? technically yes. but i have a car and i could use that money for my children so i have decided it isn't worth the stress and to put the money to more enjoyable things like my children or emergency funds. in times of comlexity i find simplicity can be the answer. i like to fish. when i have alot of complex things on my mind getting away and thinking is a big help. no time restraints just me a pole and my thoughts. find what works for you. maybe it can bring you a better insight on these things on your mind and find some closure.sometimes the risk are well worth it and it can be seen clearly. sometimes you just have to do it and have that experiance (country cruising in a camaro will be a hell of a experiance and you may find you simplicity with it). i am by no means the best with this stuff but i hope for the best for you in what ever you do. just remember to enjoy it what ever you decide to do

Uncertainty isn't something to be 'dealt with'. Certainty, on the other hand: eat it, shit it, forget it.

I find watching things blow up or be consumed in flames helps soothe my nerves when I'm feeling anxious and uncertain.

(April 18, 2013 at 8:34 pm)Jextin Wrote: for me, i'm trying to practice my zen philosophy such that, all we have is this moment and can't predict the future. so live life moment to moment, and if it does get sold, deal with the frustration then, rather than suffer it now for the chance that the painful event doesn't even exist yet, and it may not even.

You're on the right track, stick at it and persist, thoughts that it's not working and doing the opposite as a result of self-doubt are your enemy.

Don't analyze whether, when and where you are in and also not in the "present moment". . . "Because when you do that I can assure you that you are definitely not in the present moment, so don't get caught up in that illusion". It seems to me to be both ironic and also maybe even paradoxical that when you contemplate the present moment, you are no longer in it.

"The idea is to discontinue any thoughts that are leading in a direction that you do not want at all and, also, since speaking is thinking aloud, to also discontinue topics that are leading in a direction that you do not like, unless it is something that you necessarily truly can and truly need to "work out"".

Besides, if you cannot solve the problem in a positive state of mind, you certainly won't be able to when your perspective is colored by anxiety and or pessimism. Generally unless it's a genuine urgency or an emergency, it's worth dropping a negative topic that's going nowhere.

"So, one can drop negative trains of thoughts as one completely drops a topic they don't like. Think to yourself "Anyway" and don't even try to change the train of thought or topic particularly, just absolutely drop the thought-train/topic completely: discontinue it. Then, let the conversation/thought-process flow and interrupt it again if it gets unpleasant again".

Mindfulness is connected to this.

"I see mindfulness as a wiser and less anxious version of "carefulness" which is not to be confused with "care" or "taking care": I actually see that as more like being mindful than being "careful". It seems to me that most people who try to be "careful" are actually trying a bit too hard and also need to learn how to be less anxious; more "carefree". Carefreeness I see as a positive feeling connected with mindfulness that is neither reckless "carelessness" nor "carefulness" soaked in hidden anxiety, nervousness or worry."


I hope that some of this helps.