YOU ARE GOD!

That's right, for this game you're god, but not just any god. You're the dictator and narcissistic bastard, Jehovah. Therefore, you must answer prayers and solve problems the way Jehovah would. Once you answer the prayer of the person above you, you may then leave one prayer request. I'll start and leave an example:


Dear god, I would very much like to have new snow tires for my wife's car. I don't want her to be stranded on the highway in the cold Michigan weather.

Answer:
I just gave your wife a brain aneurism. She won't be getting stuck anywhere.


Be inventive with your answers. Yahweh's an asshole. Have fun. Here's my prayer request for the next Jehovah joining the thread:


Dear god, my tennis elbow is really acting up and I can hardly use my right arm. Any help would be great.

Answer: I'll remove your penis so that you never injure yourself playing "tennis" again.

Prayer: My dealer never showed up. Could you do something, Lord?

(January 6, 2014 at 12:38 am)Ryantology Wrote: Prayer: My dealer never showed up. Could you do something, Lord?

Answer:
No. You're being tested. Patience will teach you much.



Dear god, I would like it very much if you would keep your messengers off of AF.org. Please?

(January 6, 2014 at 12:38 am)Ryantology Wrote: Answer: I'll remove your penis so that you never injure yourself playing "tennis" again.

Prayer: My dealer never showed up. Could you do something, Lord?

Answer: I afflicted a poor village with famine. You're welcome.

Prayer: World peace. I can haz?

(January 6, 2014 at 12:44 am)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote:

(January 6, 2014 at 12:38 am)Ryantology Wrote: Answer: I'll remove your penis so that you never injure yourself playing "tennis" again.

Prayer: My dealer never showed up. Could you do something, Lord?

Answer: I afflicted a poor village with famine. You're welcome.

Prayer: World peas. I can haz?

Answer: World peas you say? okay, all the Christians get 1 pea. Everyone else gets leukemia.

Prayer: Can you help me pass my exams? kthxbai

Answer: You get to skip your college exams due to failing a proctological exam. Ain't cancer a bitch?

Prayer: Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz. My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.

(January 6, 2014 at 12:44 am)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote:

(January 6, 2014 at 12:38 am)Ryantology Wrote: Answer: I'll remove your penis so that you never injure yourself playing "tennis" again.

Prayer: My dealer never showed up. Could you do something, Lord?

Answer: I afflicted a poor village with famine. You're welcome.

Prayer: World peace. I can haz?

Answer: I offer the kind of peace Tacitus described.

Prayer: Can it not be so cold out?

Answer: unfortunately, due to the unstable shitty housing market, your housing lease has just went up 10 fold, but hey, there's cheap housing in the warm neighborHOODs of Miami Florida.

Prayer: my wife doesn't love me, could you guide us through our troubles and restore our true love.

(January 6, 2014 at 1:37 am)Belac Enrobso Wrote: Answer: unfortunately, due to the unstable shitty housing market, your housing lease has just went up 10 fold, but hey, there's cheap housing in the warm neighborHOODs of Miami Florida.

Prayer: my wife doesn't love me, could you guide us through our troubles and restore our true love.

Answer: She's now pregnant with Jesus's brother. You're welcome.

Prayer: Finish this essay for me, please? I want to sleep .

Answer: I just pasted the word "DICKS" until it filled ten pages. Hope you get an A!

Prayer: My wife is making me take the Christmas tree down tomorrow. Change her mind?