(April 19, 2015 at 3:28 pm)pauloroberts Wrote: My girlfriend and I were watching some romantic comedy the other day (not my idea, trust me), and the topic of sexual history came up. So we ended up talking about it, and it turns out that she's got quite a past.

She's 27 and here is just some of what she told me...

Her first time was when she was 17
When I asked her how many men she's had sex with she couldn't tell me but when I asked if it was over 20 (jokingly) she said oh yes, way more
The first time she did anal was at the age of 18
She has had a threesome on 3 separate occasions
She has kissed girls in clubs many times
She was a member of fetlife for a couple of years
She mentioned something about doing porn

Those are the highlights but she mentioned quite a lot of other occasions and people.

This is not OK. I've been with her for 3 years and I had no idea about any of this. I always had a feeling about her but I really didn't think it was like this. This is a huge shock to me and what bothers me is that I've invested 3 years of my life with someone whose values and mine most certainly do not gel.

I don't really want to break up with her, but at the same time I can't imagine staying with her and being OK with this. It's going to nag away at me, I know it. I'm a firm believer that her sexual history has a lot to do with the ability to pair bond (or should I say, the inability), and I have seen enough evidence of this with my friends and their girlfriends to confirm it.

I hate to think about it as 3 years is a long time, but I guess I probably will be finishing with her, at least that's how I'm feeling right now. But I just want to get people's opinions, for what it's worth.

I don't see why people are so annoyed about you talking about this on here, it's not like you're giving her name and address out and calling her a slut.  You're just simply stating facts about this individual and saying her values don't gel with your own.

Dump her then I'd say.  Personally she sounds pretty amazing to me.

I tend to tell girls what an utter freak I am within the first few conversations just so they know what they're dealing with.  If she's really into all that stuff it's odd she's only just started to tell you.  Unless she doesn't like that stuff anymore.

Strange first post on an atheist forum. Is this a test how immoral atheists react to promiscuity?

(April 19, 2015 at 4:49 pm)Alex K Wrote: Strange first post on an atheist forum. Is this a test how immoral atheists react to promiscuity?

I must be paranoid, because that was my first though after reading the OP.

Troll, poe or bad taste. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

The next stage in the evolution of the fancy drink story?

I didn't read the whole thread before commenting, my apologies.
First, I'm sorry you are having these issues, relationship issues are some of the most difficult.

Second, her past does not = her future.  My husband had quite a past, both sexually and with drugs, but he isn't the same person he was back then.  Are any of us?  If you think she is faithful to you NOW, what does her past matter?  Porn stars can and have stopped and become faithful wives and mothers.  

On the other hand, if you think she is still like this, that she has been unfaithful to you, then do what you have to do.  But you say you've been together 3 years? Has she cheated on you, that you are aware of, in that time?

However, if you are simply bothered by the fact that she used to be more promiscuous than you are comfortable with and nothing will make you more comfortable with her past, it would be best to end it I think.  Otherwise it's you that is shining her on.  After all, she was honest with you about her past....(eventually).

My first thought when I read this was, so what's the problem? Go find yourself a virgin and you'll be begging to have her back.

Seriously, though, you dropped the ball ball by waiting for three years to talk about this if it's so important to you. She's probably upset that it took you so long to let her know you're a total prude, too.

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(April 19, 2015 at 4:56 pm)Alex K Wrote: The next stage in the evolution of the fancy drink story?

What the hell is this fancy drink story you guys keep mentioning?  Google's leaving me hanging.

(April 19, 2015 at 5:11 pm)Faith No More Wrote: What the hell is this fancy drink story you guys keep mentioning?  Google's leaving me hanging.

I'd tell you to search a certain person's post history, but it's a serial sock puppet, so just search for "fancy drink" and look for usernames that contain ashley or something similar.

Take people for who they are now, what they were. Life is a learning experience and that means that people change. Your girlfriend is the person that you have known for three years, not the person she used to be.

I think it is a bit wise to post such a thing on here. We are experts in rational thinking and separating old superstitions and patriarchal value judgments such as traces of misogyny. I think the OP knew that his feelings weren't rational and so he went to the experts to help him pick apart the confused feelings in his mind.

Privacy is no great magical thing, most of the things that tear our lives apart are done in privacy. Talking things out with friends in a forum where he is sure that her feelings and point of view will be well protected by the seasoned thinkers that visit this board is not an insult to her when we don't have her personal details.

I think the op simply needs it explained that a woman's value is in no way connected to the mileage on her vulva.
If she has had no problem in being faithful to him for three years, then she doesn't have any serious self control problems.

The op needs to be told that it is almost a certainty that he is the one with the problem, not her, and we should talk about it.

Don't tell me: Because it's a woman who enjoyed her sexuality she's a slut?

If it had been a guy, a friend, would you be high-fiving him and telling him he rocks?

I agree with Rexbecca on this one.