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Assertiveness that works?
May 4, 2015 at 6:44 am
In my life I feel like saying "no" puts me at a disadvantage and causes conflict, makes things worse and I am basically better off saying "yes" to anyone except strangers/acquaintances/people on the internet.
I also feel that if others say "no" to me there is nothing I can do about it.
I feel like I've felt this way, since I was 12 years old, I feel like I have never won an argumentative argument, I have only won debates.
I feel that in the real world winning arguments is less about being "right" or "wrong" and more about a social dominance that I don't have and never have.
I feel fucking frustrated.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 4, 2015 at 8:06 am
(This post was last modified: May 4, 2015 at 8:08 am by The Grand Nudger.)
What is it that you're trying to accomplish? Some specific task you have in mind that you feel a little added assertiveness might be required for? Professional? Or just, in general, in life?
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 4, 2015 at 1:55 pm
What kind of real world arguments are you talking about?
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 12:26 pm
Just general life all the time, I say no and I get disadvantaged. Others say no and there's nothing that I can do. Sigh.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 12:33 pm
Put the fear in em bra. 
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 12:36 pm
Others can do that to me. But I have no hold over anyone.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 12:44 pm
(This post was last modified: May 5, 2015 at 12:47 pm by The Grand Nudger.)
I can tell you now that you're going to have a problem with assertiveness long as you're the first person to belittle what you have and what you can do...you won't be the last, and it makes it all the more easy for the others. When you say "others have that, I don't, they do that to me..I cant do that to them", you already -have- done that.....you just forgot to point the rifle at the other guy. Just consider, for a moment, how good you are at cutting yourself down to size.........perhaps you -are- assertive, but have misplaced that assertiveness such that it expresses itself as social awkwardness.
Whats something you're good at, some activity that involves others (a sport, a pastime, anything)? A setting in which you feel comfortable?
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 12:55 pm
I understand what you mean EvidenceVsFaith. I often feel I have the same issue.
I think it just comes with practice. Saying no is hard if you aren't used to doing it.
Start small, say no when someone asks you for something small. Be polite, but firm. You may feel guilty for saying no, just let it pass.
Good luck. 
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 1:04 pm
I just feel that the conflict, negativity, confrontation, arguments, shouting, etc, from others makes saying no not worth the hassle.
Whilst when others say no I am not the sort of person to dish out the same negativity and in a battle of negativity I would enjoy it the least and give up arguing first.
So when others say no I cannot really pressure them or stress them the way they do me. And I mean anyone who doesn't avoid and despise conflict and shouting and insults as much as myself.
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RE: Assertiveness that works?
May 5, 2015 at 1:13 pm
(This post was last modified: May 5, 2015 at 1:13 pm by The Grand Nudger.)
So.. you need to work on negotiation..not assertiveness. Assertiveness is about asking the question...not whether you get the preferred answer.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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