Without going into details, I'll just say that I am going through a rough time right now, and it hasn't been easy for me in the last few weeks. My life is going through some big changes, and although I know they are important and beneficial, I am reluctant to proceed because of the pain that going through them will bring.

Needless to say, I'm having a hard-time making the necessary sacrifices that I have to to improve my life and set me on the course I need to go. My question to all of you is; has there ever been a time in your life when you had to make a sacrifice, large or small, that you knew would ultimately lead to personal gain/growth? Even if it hurt very badly for a time being? And if so, how did you deal with this situation and its aftermath?

Thanks guys, hopefully getting this off my chest will help a little.

(September 19, 2010 at 2:25 pm)Watson Wrote: Without going into details, I'll just say that I am going through a rough time right now, and it hasn't been easy for me in the last few weeks. My life is going through some big changes, and although I know they are important and beneficial, I am reluctant to proceed because of the pain that going through them will bring.

Needless to say, I'm having a hard-time making the necessary sacrifices that I have to to improve my life and set me on the course I need to go. My question to all of you is; has there ever been a time in your life when you had to make a sacrifice, large or small, that you knew would ultimately lead to personal gain/growth? Even if it hurt very badly for a time being? And if so, how did you deal with this situation and its aftermath?

Thanks guys, hopefully getting this off my chest will help a little.

I think many of us have had to of given up something to insure a better future, even if it's difficult or not quite what we want.

The first thing that comes to mind that I had to give up so that I can go on without being held back by anything was Jessica. I really love her but because she is a single mum and has a few bad habits, I knew that if I was to be with her, I'd have to sacrifice a few things. I would have to take on commitments and such and would make things much harder for myself to make time for myself to pay for the things I love. Letting her go would mean I'm commitment free and held back by nothing. I'm currently doing well (better than expected), probably would of been differant if I got with her.
Try raising a family while paying for pilot training. Not easy.

That's all I really got. I know there's others but can't think of anything.
Going out at 10:00. Got to move some things while it's dark, gotta do it quietly too. It's nothing really illegal, just a little.

Anyway, what is it you're sacrificing (if you don't mind me asking).

haha, I can imagine that would be rough. And it seems I'm experiencing dam near the same thing. It's a girl that I'm talking about here. :/

(September 19, 2010 at 3:18 pm)Watson Wrote: haha, I can imagine that would be rough. And it seems I'm experiencing dam near the same thing. It's a girl that I'm talking about here. :/

Ah, then I can understand that perfectly. Your heart wants to hold on but you know you can't.
Don't know if that's the same with you.
I've been single all my life. I can let go of pretty much anything, except love. Odd that.

Girls can really cause problems but boy they are good and keeping you warm and strong. You should think carefully about wheather to let go or keep her. My decision wasn't an easy one.

Yeah, it's exactly like that. I've been with this girl a long time, so it is even harder. It's one of those things where future with her is so sure...but it's too sure. I want to keep ahold of her and not have to go through the hurt...but I know I need to explore life differently, no matter the unfortunate cost.

I've definitely done a lot of thinking on the matter, and there's really nothing else I can do. But thanks anyway.

(September 19, 2010 at 3:39 pm)Watson Wrote: Yeah, it's exactly like that. I've been with this girl a long time, so it is even harder. It's one of those things where future with her is so sure...but it's too sure. I want to keep ahold of her and not have to go through the hurt...but I know I need to explore life differently, no matter the unfortunate cost.

I've definitely done a lot of thinking on the matter, and there's really nothing else I can do. But thanks anyway.

That confirms it. We are on the same boat. I know what you're going through because I've gone through it and still am. Though me and Jess never were together, we just kept flirting with each other for 5 whole years. Never really said anything to each other during that time. I had to leave town and I didn't come back til three years later, only to find that she is now a single mum. BIG SUPRISE!

But anyway, letting go is painful and I just hope you get through it more quickly than I.
Best of luck to ya.

Ouch. Your situation is actually a lot longer and a lot more painful, I think, than mine is. Still, wounds of the heart are always the worst. hehe

So what did you do, if you don't mind my asking, that helped get you through it? For me, I plan on really relying on my friends and going out and spending a lot more time on my own now that I am commitment free. lol

(September 19, 2010 at 4:35 pm)Watson Wrote: Ouch. Your situation is actually a lot longer and a lot more painful, I think, than mine is. Still, wounds of the heart are always the worst. hehe

So what did you do, if you don't mind my asking, that helped get you through it? For me, I plan on really relying on my friends and going out and spending a lot more time on my own now that I am commitment free. lol

Ouch indeed. What helped me to get over it was to focus on all the bad sides. The commitments, the bad habits and such and I felt less attracted to her. The next step was to remove all pictures of her and keep myself busy doing other things which helped in keeping her out of my mind. Soon I found myself forgetting all about it. Weeks would pass and she wouldn't of entered my mind, not even once.
Could work for you but, don't try too hard to forget. Makes it harder.
Keep yourself busy, something fun and such. You'll soon notice that you've gone hours, even days without thinking about her. keep your mind busy. It gets easier as time passes.

When I was much younger, and much more emotionally insecure, I got married. We were married for almost ten years. Two years into our marriage, various cracks were starting to show, but I thought these were just things to overcome. She was a very temperamental person to say the least. Without going into details, I did try to make compromises for her sake-- looking back, far too many. Four year into our marriage, my doubt grew and I felt increasingly isolated. I wanted to do "The Right Thing" and so I toughed it out. Six years into our marriage and I was feeling suicidal. I felt I could talk to no one about it. What I realized is I was remaining married to keep up appearances to my family and to my friends, but mostly, to my ex-wife-- I didn't want to hurt her feelings (thankfully we never had children). At one time she left me and yet, out of guilt of my own, I came back to her in order to right things. It was really getting out of hand-- it was tearing me apart inside and I didn't have the courage to really do anything about it.

I never did find the courage. Instead, one night, I was horribly depressed (again). The next morning, she asked me what was wrong-- I never meant to say anything, but I blurted it out that I wanted to end our marriage. It was the worst day of my life. She was in shock and horror and I didn't even know where to begin. I think, like me, she knew it, but neither of us dared to admit it to one another, or even to ourselves. I felt so terrible because of what I was doing, but now that I inadvertently had said it, I wanted to follow through with it.

What made it worse was that, in my own mixed up thinking, I remained at the house for another five days, packing things and thinking it would make the transition smoother somehow, rather than just walking out that day. What a stupid mistake. I had a headache for the next several days. For all those years, I had been lying to myself in order to make someone else happy. I'll never do it again. It is one thing to be a totally selfish bastard, but that doesn't mean one ought to sacrifice their life for someone else either. It doesn't have to be an either/or situation, but it isn't an easy one either. It took me a few years later to really understand this.

The worst lies you can tell are to yourself.

Ironically, when I told family and friends, they had already known that our marriage was a rather rocky one-- and I thought I had hidden these things so well!

The divorce itself went smoothly and eventually I gave her the car as well. The She has since remarried (two years later). We might email each other a few times a year. I am not joking when I say that all the years of my back going out and constant heartburn STOPPED within a month after I left. It was stress!

Leaving her was the best decision in my life that I ever made, and at the same time it was one of the hardest. Maybe the best decisions in life are the hardest.

Sacrifices?

Will this do: Age 18 moved to a strange city to work.

Lived in a boarding house. Hitchhiked on weekends because I couldn't afford bus fare. Needing to buy a new shirt was a financial disaster,

Funny thing, I was having far too good a time to realise I was poor: I liked my job, the boarding house was great, and I had a girlfriend.

It took years for me to internalise what is a simple fact of life for me now: A high standard of living has little to do with quality of life.

I have no doubt you pain is real,and I'm truly sorry for your suffering..

---

@Entropist

I'm so sorry to learn about the end of your marriage, from "the other side".Being a selfish git, it's not something I'd even thought about.

I was married 12 years. I came home from work on Friday April 12 1991 and she had left. She'd hired a moving van and divided our possessions

After I stopped standing in the middle of the empty lounge howling like dog, I went into shock. I was never unfaithful,and was never cruel to her.There was a 12 year age difference. She grew up. I didn't..Now 51,she has also remained single.