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Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:02 pm
So I am currently facing a tough decision in life. I think I need to preface this with a little backstory. To save from a TL;DR I will give a cliff's notes version.
I grew up in a terribly abusive home. My mother was diagnosed with MS when I was 5 and was wheelchair bound and in and out of hospitals. After we told my mother about the abuse she moved us in with our grandparents when I was 8. Two weeks before my ninth birthday she died on our back porch in front of us all. Because MS does not move that rapidly an autopsy was done and the coroner found high levels of arsenic. I remember my step father always preparing our dinners. He worked with arsenic as part of his job. His brother was a cop. Long story short he was never convicted of any charges (not even the abuse) because I was too terrified to take the stand.
I received a call yesterday that my mothers homicide case is being reopened and they want my testimony. This was 26 years ago. My dilemma here is I have moved on. I actually faced this man later in my life and got my personal closure and my life has moved on. For my other family members they still demand justice. I don't know if I really want to rehash all of that and relive it again. It cost me years of therapy and night terrors. I don't know if I want to comply and offer it up for my family members chance at justice (not guaranteed) and at what personal expense? I know you guys don't know me aside from posts here and there but I'm I off base with not wanting to do this? I may risk my family members being very hurt. I've tried explaining my position but they think I'm being selfish. I'm not sure.
We are not made happy by what we acquire but by what we appreciate.
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:06 pm
A killer hasn't been brought to justice and you have an opportunity to do something.
How will you feel if you pass it up? This could not only be a chance to do the right thing but a chance at real closure.
Something most people never get.
"That is not dead which can eternal lie and with strange aeons even death may die."
- Abdul Alhazred.
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:14 pm
(This post was last modified: September 21, 2015 at 9:17 pm by drfuzzy.
Edit Reason: forgot one point
)
Wow Kingpin . . .
Sorry. I know how the past can haunt a person. And I know that being asked to revisit any of it when we think we have grown past the pain and gained closure can seem nearly impossible. -- Like jumping right into a cauldron of boiling oil.
May I ask a question or two? (Well, I'm going to ask - - - but feel free to ignore me.) Why does this hinge on your testimony? Were you the oldest? Can you give that testimony outside of court, i.e. in a private deposition or in writing? Are all of your other family members willing to testify? And what happened to open the case?
Sometimes - answering those questions can be healing. Not always, but sometimes. And sometimes, going through it because your family needs you to do so has its own silver lining. But we both know that it could also go south, and you could be faced with nightmares all over again. I, personally, would have a hard time though -- if a murderer went free and I could have stopped that from happening. You are the only person able to judge which path to take.
I wish you the best. I hope you keep us all updated. And I honestly hope your faith is a help during this time.
"The family that prays together...is brainwashing their children."- Albert Einstein
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:29 pm
(This post was last modified: September 21, 2015 at 9:30 pm by Faith No More.)
I don't know, man. I've experienced trauma, but it was different than that. It's kind of hard to really have a frame of reference on this kind of thing. Only you can really know what's best for you.
If I was in a similar situation, however, I would relive that truamatic day over and over in court if someone told me they suspected foul play was involved. And you have to think of it like this, it was your mother's life. Sure, you suffered from the loss, but if there was a crime committed, it was against her. Ask yourself, what would she want you to do? And then ask yourself, is not wanting to relive trauma a good enough reason for justice not to be served?
That's my $0.02, but given I can't possibly put myself in your shoes, I'm not sure it's even worth that.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:34 pm
Wow, kingpin...just...here's an Internet hug for you.
With that said, two questions:
1. Do you think not providing is the ethical thing to do?
2. Do you think you'd be able to live with yourself if he got away free because you didn't provide testimony?
I'm not trying to be harsh, but if the likelihood of putting a murderer away rests on your testimony, you have a moral obligation to do it, IMO.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:36 pm
Wow king! I must say you've come through with shining colours considering what you've been through. If I may, can the arsenic in her body have been put there any other way? Eg, medicines, etc? In other words, is there any doubt as to how it got there in your mind? Good luck man...
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:40 pm
Thanks for the replies guys. Yeah I was the oldest and the only one that remembers a special spice that my step father used when preparing meals. The case is being brought back up actually from internal affairs reviewing case files that were mishandled or not closed. Apparently in this case there was a search warrant issued but my step father was forewarned about it by his brother so the result of the search came up "exceptionally clean". IA found this and many others things to not be adding up so they demanded the case be reopened. I'm honestly leaning towards doing it because I do feel I need to be the leader for my family members and an advocate for my mother. Even though I had my personal closure on the matter I need to realize that others have not and it may take me reliving it for that to happen. I have a strong group of supporters who I know will help me through it (including you guys). I think it's honestly fear. I can only hope I am stronger now than I was then.
We are not made happy by what we acquire but by what we appreciate.
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:42 pm
(September 21, 2015 at 9:36 pm)ignoramus Wrote: Wow king! I must say you've come through with shining colours considering what you've been through. If I may, can the arsenic in her body have been put there any other way? Eg, medicines, etc? In other words, is there any doubt as to how it got there in your mind? Good luck man...
No the coroner report showed that the levels were 10x the normal amount in a human body and concluded that it was probably administered slowly over time and was the cause of her body degrading (not MS). He ruled it a homicide
We are not made happy by what we acquire but by what we appreciate.
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:44 pm
Yeah, man, we'll definitely be here for support.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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RE: Facing a dilemma
September 21, 2015 at 9:47 pm
Sometimes you just have to go back and tend to unfinished business. I would suggest that you accept that you're afraid and don't want to do it...but do it, nonetheless.
You're not weak anymore. Things are much clearer to you, you're stronger, smarter and more than capable.
Now you're ready. Get it done.
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